Hi all,
I seem to have had quite a number of lightbulb moments over the festive period and would love to know if others have had similar and/or what people think about them.
Realisation: As many of you know, I have been posting about the numerous times I have been investigated for child abuse because of accuasations made by my mum and I have recently been reported again by a policewoman who was 'investigating' the abuse I reported regarding myself as a child. I have thought about this a lot (in a 'why does this keep happening to me' way) and have noticed there are certain things the people I have these problems with have in common.
1 None of them know me - I include my mum under this umberella. The problems I have had in this regard lie with my mum, a health visitor, a social worker and now a police woman. My mum never knew me because I was never allowed to be myself (you know what I mean by that). The health visitor who backed my mum's accusations had met with me twice, both times to fill out forms - we'd never had a conversation about anything. The social worker spent less than thirty minutes with me, during which time she talked mostly about herself. She didn't ask me a single question throughout that time and then declared that I was fabricating my son's disability (despite the fact he'd been assessed extensively and was in receipt of various disability benefits, all of which are quite difficult to get for a child). The police woman was in a car with me for over two hours as we drove to the police station to make the statement and back again and she talked about herself for most of that time. The day she reported me she was in the house for less that five minutes and made her accusations about my parenting based on how tidy my house was that day. So none of these people actually know me, or tried to get to know me.
2 They've all made ludicrous accusations about me that fall apart under the tiniest bit of pressure. They've only got away with making these accusations because no-one's questioned them at the time - they're in a position where their word is accepted without question and the information they provide is acted on, without anyone digging into it at all or asking them to substantiate it.
3 They've all made these accusations without my knowledge. My mum was doing it for two years before I found out at all, and I only found out about the earlier stuff fairly recently. None of the others - health visitor, social worker, police woman - told me what they were accussing me of or gave me a chance to defend myself against the accusations - they all built cases against me in secret and then threw it at me at the last minute.
I've realised that my 'red light' with each of these people is that, when I've met with them, they've talked about themselves. They haven't asked me any questions about me or my life or listened when I've tried to talk. I realise that, in a situation like this in the future, I need to make myself scarce pretty quickly because I think, for me at least, I need to take this as a bad sign and get myself away quickly! I'd love to know what others think about this and what they've experienced.
The second thing is rescuing. I've realised I swoop in to rescue people because there was such a big part of me as a little girl longing for someone to realise what was going on and swoop down and scoop me up. I have this picture in my mind of these big arms sweeping out of the sky and just cradling me up and lifting me up out of danger. And I think that's why I'm always the first to offer to help, or give someone something, or charge in saying 'don't worry, I'll do it!!'. I've been aware of the doing too much thing for a while and have tried not to, but it always feels wrong if I don't help someone out. However, two things have happened over Christmas - my friend's husband broke his arm and will not be able to work for six weeks or drive. My neice has left her boyfriend and is moving back home to her mum. Usually I would have lept in and offered to help. Both times I thought 'oh I'll keep out of the way so I don't get roped into doing anything'. I'm not sure if this new, more selfish attitude is a good or a bad thing, but I'd love to know what others think.
Hoping everyone is doing okay,
Twoapenny
