Can you post some things your Nperson has done?

[angrygirl]

My Nmom:

Put my dog to sleep and no one told me    I just found out about it a couple of months ago.  My H called me at work and told me.  He was talking to my Gmom and asked how Angrygirl's dog was, it was the family dog but she loved me and I her.  Whenever I went over to visit she would cry she was so happy to see me.  Well Gmom then called me and asked what was wrong..full well knowing what was wrong.  I said nothing.  Then she said yes, something is wrong, why are you crying? I said BECAUSE I JUST FOUND OUT THAT MY DOG WAS DEAD! She said that she thought I knew and that my sis should have told me.  I said why wouldn't someone tell me!!!

My stepdad saved money, hid it for a couple of years, sacrificed different things in order to squirrel away some money to throw my Nmom a surprise 60th bday party.  He needed my help.  Wanted to have it at my house.  I said ok.  Which means I did all the work, basically covered where the expenses went over his limit and never told him.  She had a GRAND time.  Well that same year, a few months later, my sdad's 70th bday was coming up.  I said to Nmom.  Are you having a cake or anything for him. She said "I havent even thought of it".  I said Oh.  Are you going to even have a cake? At this she got indignant and said, WHY are you keeping at this? I said, well I was just wondering cuz he through you a big party and I didn't know what you were planning for him.  She said I wasn't planning anything - WHERE AM I GOING TO COME UP WITH THE MONEY??? After his thoughful saving over a year or so to give her a good time, she can't even take the time to plan a friggin dinner/bday party with just the fam at her house?

My wedding!  My Nmom sulked and complained about how her tooth bothered her and she told everyone about it.  Oh, they asked because she looked snotty and pissed the entire day - she couldn't suck it up for a few hours?

I called my Nmom on her bday last week cuz I thought it would be a nice thing to do, a gesture of good will if you will, since we had not spoken in over a year - So I call and say, I wanted to wish you a hbday and let you know that I was thinking of you and I do often.  In her meak, sad, I am so lonely on my bday and everyday but no one cares voice she says, thank you. And thats IT! THATS IT!!

There are so many more...I will be adding to this so bear with me.
I am sorry I don't even know what I started out doing here with this post I guess I wanted to vent and maybe see if other people had similar episodes happen to them...sorry so long & boring

Angrygirl

[findingme]

my parents were "unable" to come to my wedding, as they had already planned to attend an exhibit in a town one hour away....

[bunny]

My mother likes to tease and provoke her small grandchildren and then laughs at them when they start crying.

bunny

[Moonflower]

.........

[Discounted Girl]

I'm mad now too  

I think I have posted these 2 incidents before, but they are so mean, they warrant additional exposure. The summer I was 11 I physically developed at lightning speed. Because I never felt the comfort of maternal nurturing or any kind of closeness to her, I never mentioned my body. One day she, my Dad and brother came home from shopping (I was sitting on the sofa watching tv) -- the 3 of them stood there in front of me and she reached into a bag and pulled out a cotton bra and threw it in my lap and said: "here, you need to start wearing this." Then the 3 of them began to laugh, all 3 of them stood there and laughed at me. I remember being totally humiliated and I threw the bra back at her and ran crying to my room (well, I didn't have my own room, I shared it with the brother with a penis but no balls). What kind of monster tries to hurt her daughter?

Another time, when my Dad was whipping both me and my brother, as I spun around, I saw her laughing. I will see that ugly, mean and nasty face laughing at my pain for the rest of my life.

There are at least 10,000 (and it seems I have them all on total recall) nasty deeds she performed aimed at my destruction, but the worst I think were/are the lies, the horrible totally outrageous lies, based on not a shred of truth. For half a century others have listened to her lies and, to my knowledge, no one ever told her they didn't believe her and to stop talking about me to them. None of my so-called loving aunts ever shut her up. Even though they say they never believed her, their silence provided her with what she wanted. No one in this world ever turned her away.

[tigerlily]

When I was an adult, my Nmother actually had the shamelessness to tell me that when I was a child asking her for something and she said no to the request that she wishes I had "begged" more instead of giving up too soon.  She really wanted to feel that power over someone helpless so she could see herself as this benevolant person who would eventually condescend to give me what I wanted if I acted pitiful enough.  I can have some measure of victory knowing that she didn't get that out of me.

[laststraw]

I read the postings of angrygirl and others and felt their pain.  I too could go on and on about all the abuse and twist and turns that a victim will do.  After my mother's death, in fact moments before my father couldn't even enter her room to say goodbye as he was eating his dinner and she would have to WAIT!!! Even in death she had to wait.  That was the wake up call I needed.  I no longer have any contact with the ndad, because that is how I will heal and survive, nor do I want my children to experience the life-long anguish I have suffered.  I now have a boss that was easy to recognize as a narcissist, my lifetime learning of how to stay out of their way has allowed me to survive........................... good luck to all of you

[Ellie]

Moonflower,
My Nmom proclaims to be a christain too, but instead of curses, she 'prays' that harm will come to me and my family - so we will have to turn to Nparents and ask for help. She wants us to fail so we can become dependent on her again! She hates it that I had the nerve to move across the country! She accuses me of being 'successful' as though it is criminal. She sent a christain book at Christmas one year proclaiming success as evil. She must have had to look for months for that one!

I've posted this before, but Ndad beat me blue at 14 for riding home safely with a friend instead of reading my sister's mind and knowing she was leaving a celebration early without me to get me in trouble. When I got home, she was all smiles knowing I was gonna get it and he had a belt in his hands. After beating me I was screaming and crying and he shoved my head under the bathtub faucet and held it there saying he was holding me under water until I shut up.

Then 28 years later he accused me of abusing my kids because I would not GIVE my kids to them when I moved. He said he was going to call CPS and turn us in saying he witnessed us beating our children. I told him he was lying and he said, it doesn't matter, they will believe me and take your kids away and you will be left with nothing. I said I don't abuse my kids but I sure was beat a lot as a kid and he said "I NEVER LAID A HAND ON YOU!". Yep, as I said in my other posting - and I'm sure paying for that 'no beating' life with Therapy bills out the rear!

[angrygirl]

I am so sorry if I brought up old hurts and made you guys mad    It wasn't my intention.  I just thought we could vent a few of our stories, thought it would be a little healing for me to at least be able to say them out loud, well in cyber space that is.

I got a couple more...

My Nmom locked both me & sis out of the house on a rainy cold day when we were about 7 & 11yo, because she said we were fighting  I can still remember begging/pleading/crying for her to open the front door to let us in that we would stop  

I also remember another day when we were packing up old clothes, this memory is kind of fuzzy to me, but the jist is that my sis & me were in the kitchen standing beside 2 trash bags filled with clothes and she told us that she was going to leave us at the dump  GREAT - now I am crying again.

My parents are divorced and my Nmom married a wonderful kind man whom I love so very much, I consider him my real dad because he essentially was there since I was a toddler.  Well I remember going out with bio dad & sis on a sunday for ice cream.  I casually mentioned as I was eating my icecream that we were moving (I was about 7yo?) any way, when I got home I think my sis told Nmom that I told biodad we were moving.  She led into me and said I wasn't loyal and how could I betray her trust.  You don't know how to be loyal, etc.  I will never EVER forget that day.

Sorry the stories are flying now....

[Anonymous]

YOu don't have to apologize for bringing up these feelings in others, that's why this board is here and it's comforting to know that we're not the only ones with crazy Nparents. It's ok to cry too:-))

I distinctly remember my Nmother getting very angry at me when she asked me to take a basket of folded clothes upstairs to be put away. It was loaded over the top and really heavy for a 9 year old. I accidently dumped it over when I was trying to pick it up and she went off. She started hitting me all over and I was on the ground underneath her crying. Then she dragged me upstairs to pack my pink Samsonite and dragged me into the car. I was crying and screaming all this time and my poor brother had to watch this too. He was begging her to stop and she wouldn't. She was going to take me to the bus station and was giving me $1.00 and I would be on my way. Where? I had no idea. I asked to go to my grandparents house and I couldn't go there. She then turned the car around about half way there and started driving back home. Later that nite when company came by, she and my nutso Nfather were laughing about it with the guests.  When I recall this memory, which sticks out like it was yesterday, she doesn't remember it. Everyone else does.

Stay away from these people and don't feel guilty or sorry for the damage that has been done to you and your reactions to it. It takes a while to get a grip on it.

[Anonymous]

This is Angrygirl, I didn't log in  

DO you have a grip on it? I don't remember my Nmom being physically abusive for things we did "wrong" but I can recall her slapping us in the heat of an argument when we were giving "backtalk" or being disrespectful or insolent

[Anonymous]

My parents didn't beat me or my dog, they were just emotionally deaf.  They saved the totally unexpected and unmitigated rage for when any of us went through a life change.  Instead of support, they got all jealous and angry and yelled at us and stood us up.  I say "us" because they did it every time one of us got married.  My mother refused to come to my shower.  I was shocked.  Stunned.  We were not allowed to feel special or significant in any way.  We were not allowed to need.  We did not exist.  Invisible.  At my shower, I felt worse than invisible.  I felt like Dungeon Girl.

Wow, this is a powerful thread.  My stomach got in a knot reading this stuff and I just want to whip the living snot out of our abusers.  Where's that shovel?...

Keep working, Angrygirl.  We're with you.  Seeker

[Anonymous]

Angrygirl,
Most days I do have a "grip" on it, but then there are times when it is very hard to let go and all the negetive voices and feelings come welling up again. In order for me to have a peaceful, productive life, I have finally made the decision to rid myself of both of my Nparents. I've tried being nice, tried being neutral, tried lots of things, but it all boils down to the fact that I can't condone their craziness anymore. I wouldn't choose these people as friends and they're not entitled to anything from me just because they're my parents. They don't act like parents, they don't get the perks of being one anymore.

[Anonymous]

This is Angrygirl - too lazy to log in (that and I dont have much time, the baby is sleeping and I only have a couple of minutes to myself )

Anyway, How do you let go of the Npeople in your life without alienating yourself from the rest of your family? I can't have holidays with other members of my fam because of the traditions already set.  Nmom&stepdad go to my sis and my grandmother goes wherever my mom is??? It makes me so sad, I have waited so long to have my baby and want the same things (minus the bad stuff) that we did when I was a kid.  Having my grandparents stay over and be there in the morning on xmas, etc. that we had when we were little....I know I have to start my own traditions but all of my memories weren't bad, you know.  I know it is a fantasy of mine that I have to let go but I WANT TO CHANGE THINGS and I know this is impossible...Whew! So basically what I am saying is How do you do this? Do I let go of the rest of my family at the same time?It just hurts all the more that I can't share in special days with everyone

Thanks, sorry for rambling on
Angrygirl

[Anonymous]

Kellydckm here............Most of my memories are not of evil abuse but more of self-absorption on my Nmom's part.  Like my wedding.  Oh, yes, she was there........she planned the whole thing..............a huge affair.....500 people...........all her friends.  I wanted a champagne fountain.  No.  No alcohol.  What would her friends think?  So at the "dance" with DJ and all.................everyone left.  All my friends were down at the bar.  I couldn't wait to get out of there to be with my friends.

Or the fact that we are partners in business but when anyone asks who the owner is, she puts her name, not mine.  Or when we had a newspaper article about the business, she was portrayed in front of me in the picture and it said, Mrs. Narcissitic, the principal owner and her daughter run the place.  No mention of my name.  And when we won an award, she went up on stage, she was awarded the award.................but we have been in business since the beginning.  We started the business for me.  She joined in later to get us minority status for a low interest note.

My aunt described it like this.  She feels like when she is in a room with my mother, my mother fills the whole room and she is squashed under her.  Like she is a big elephant that takes up the whole room?

Does that make sense?  Does anyone else have parents that are more concerned with the appearance that everything is ok?  I mean my mother would NEVER make a scene in front of anyone!  All the negative emotions happen when we are in a room alone together.  That is when she lets me have it.  I am protected with witnesses because she has to keep up appearances!