Hi to you all,
I want to wish you a very happy Christmas and a new year full of strength. Life for me is good. I am busy with my PhD, just moved house, busy, happy and again I have to say there is LIFE AFTER N'S.
I think of this group often and want to acknowledge the support and listening which sustained me in terribly difficult times. In some ways I have changed, in others I remain the same. I am free of abuse and the debilitating passivity which became part of my life and I celebrate this but it was a difficult and painful journey. A turning point for me was when I realised that I wanted a life, not just to be part of someone else's life/games but something, which for someone who is so codependent was like jumping into the abyss, a life which was about me firstly which then would leave me available to others in a healthy way. I was reminded of the parable of about the talents...I am not a religious person but I was struck by the fact that the more I immersed myself in someone Else's issues/problems/craziness, the less I used the talents that were given to me AND the repeat pattern of trying to make things right for someone else changed nothing, just dug me deeper into a hole of unhappiness. Now, I am focused on my own gifts, I work hard, I am available to be present for others in a healthy way, I understand boundaries better and I am living a life of satisfaction.
This is no fairy story... no there is no prince charming, nothing like that, maybe I have become my own prince charming. What I do know is that looking outside of me for peace and a sense of accomplishment has never worked but finding my own way and looking to myself to make my own happiness has.
I wish every one on this board great strength for the future and I wish you, more than anything, peace.
Big hugs to my old pals, you know who you are. I won't list you as I am afraid I will leave someone out.
Blessings to all,
Axa
