Dear Heart,
Yes, I have tried everything you suggest (boy, do we think alike, or what? LOL) NM knows about my sister's problems (her son is a drug addict and is on his 3rd relapse). When I spoke to NM last week, I told her that I was worried about my sister and don't want her to suffer anymore unnecessary stress. NM says how she KNOWS my sister is suffering and says she thinks about both of us every minute of every day. Funny, dear mother certainly doesn't SHOW her concern. When she is upset, stressed, and feeling sorry for herself, everyone around her must be taken down, with her. And, yes, she is negative, nearly ALL the time, and nearly ALWAYS stupidly so.
My sister has repeatedly told her to call me, not her, if she has issues with me. To no avail. I just saw my T last night, and he said it was good that I set bounderies regarding her triangulation , but now I must maintain those bounderies. When NM backslides (and I have no doubt she will), I must reinforce what I told her. I am determined to do that.
Last summer, when she feigned contrition, and asked me to tell her what was wrong so she could fix it, I broached a few subjects. My sister was there. NM became soooo angry and hysterical, banging her fists on the counter, crying. Yet she says I was the one who was hysterical. Her accusations of me being angry last week, translate into me being very controlled and emotionless on the phone. I am no longer capable of reacting to her tears and rants. She is obsessive about how we sound on the phone, demanding what seems like a "pollyanna" attitude, yet she feels she can let her own emotions run amok. She is unreasonable in most every way. T says on the N spectrum, she rates a 7 or 8 out of 10. Gotta say I was surprised by that, thought she was more in the middle,but it explains a lot. Thanks, so much for your input, it it always appreciated, Judy
