Always hoping for that elusive closeness

[windintrees1]

This is my first time on the forum.  I did not know such a group exists and am relieved.
It is the sadness that won't quit.  I see other mothers and daughters having a great time together.  It's what I want but know in my heart it can't possibly happen.
In the seventeen years at home before I made a run for it, I enjoyed two wonderfully close times with my mom.  One - we shared a corned beef sandwich in a little restaurant and the second - we shared cheese and crackers and tea while watching the "Dating Game" when I was fifteen and recovering from surgery.
In neither of those occasions did I have to tell mom how wonderful she was, which made the moments special.
I'm fifty-three and mom is nearing eighty.  I'd love to tell her how much I miss having a relationship, before she passes. But I know in doing so, I would be blamed for something though I'm not sure what.  For certain I would be called selfish and ungrateful.
So, moments like this I feel sadness for what I missed and continue to miss.
Mary

windintrees1@gmail.com

[Ami]

I understand (((Mary)))
It is a permanent heartache, a tattoo on the soul . On the tattoo is written Mama.
For me, I wonder if it will ever heal. Maybe not. I don't know. When I get to Heaven , I guess it will but I understand, friend!   xxoo  Ami

[BonesMS]

((((((((((((Mary))))))))))))))

Bones

[English]

Welcome Wind,

I can relate.  I too have a profound sadness.  What's weird, one time I was at my brother's house and sister-in-law was sitting on her mother's lap.  NM commented to me that she wished we were like that.  We both had that wish but for different reasons.  She wanted the attention and I wanted to feel a closeness that I could never have with her.  You will find lots of support from this site and, as I have found since September, some wonderful, wise people.  Good to have you.

[Hopalong]

Welcome, Mary.

Maybe the sadness really will yield in time.

There comes a point when one just can't yearn any more.

And then something else settles into the space the sadness used.

hugs

Hopalong

[bearwithme]

Welcome Wind.

I know your sadness.  I'm sad, too.  For you and for me.  I don't know if my sadness will ever go away as my heart was broken by my NM for the very same reasons you posted.  MY NM's need to feel love, wanted, needed and glorified was, and still is, insatiable.  Her needs will never be met.  The whole thing is very sad.

What's weird, one time I was at my brother's house and sister-in-law was sitting on her mother's lap.  NM commented to me that she wished we were like that.  We both had that wish but for different reasons.  She wanted the attention and I wanted to feel a closeness that I could never have with her

English: exactly!!!!!!!

((((hugs))) to you Wind.

BTW, love the handle

Bear.

[HeartofPilgrimage]

Hi Wind, This forum is composed of some really awesome people ... both men and women, young and not-so-young, people from different countries, etc. I have grown a lot from my cyber-relationships with each person. You are welcome here!

[JudyK]

Oh, Dear Mary,
   Yes, I still have profound sadness, and grief for what could have I tired tobeen. My NM has criticized me all  my life.  I tried to be the daughter she demanded but it is and was impossible. So now, I give up. Mary, you are not alone, and welcome.  Hugs, Judy