My mom has tried many times to apologize to me for the ways that she treated me when growing up. She gets very intent on making her apologies to me. She gets forceful, saying things like "you need to hear this" or "I really need for you to listen."
These statements tell me that her apology is not about me and the pain she caused me at all, it is about her needing to alleviate guilt and feel better.
Not saying that you are doing this at all, Hops. I am just giving you a perspective. Apologizing is a hard thing to do and I respect anyone, including my mom, for even admitting that they need to make an amends, no matter how it goes about.
The best apologies I have ever heard are the ones where people have acknowledged my pain, simply with a statement of "my behavior was selfish, it hurt you, I want to never hurt you again." Without excuse or justification, with a heart that fully has stepped out of themselves into mine heart.
In AA, we often talk about how important living amends are, the actually showing or demonstration of good will, most importantly acting differently.
Your daughter just may be not ready to fully feel her feelings, sometimes my apologies to others can stir up pain that is not ready to be faced by them.
It may just be that she still wants her anger, her resentments, she does not want to feel less than or belittled by an apology, as some do.
Hope this helps,
Hugs,
Lise