Career choice and being damaged by a N parent

[Lucky]

My employer is willing to pay for my further education. So I get a chance to develop myself. However I find it terribly difficult to choose what study to start. My background is economics/accounting.  I have a choise between all type of highschool studies from economics to accountancy to HR to logistics to whatever type of jobs there are at highschool level. I have a tendency to avoid people/conflict (mostly because of my upbringing I think). I followed a course for personal effectiveness and a communication course in the past to work on that.
My personality type is according to Myers Briggs INTJ (in worst case rather schizo type), however the N and the J are not very strong. My personality according to the enneagram is 5w6. I think these personality types reflect the damage done during my childhood.
Could you ladies please shine a light on the subject? What would be the best choice to grow as a person? What would be best to avoid?
Thanks for your time and effort!

Over the years I have suffered quite a lot from anxiety and depression. Will a career change/study make things better or worse for me? Would it be savest to stay in the economics/accounting field?
I am worried that I might make a choice that would intensify my anxiety/depression. But something new can ofcourse also motivate a person and make a person positive and enthusiastic.
Somehow I have this feeling that I need a challenge. But challenges can also drain a person in the long run. Or am I being too pessimistic?
My thoughts go round and round in circles...

[BonesMS]

My employer is willing to pay for my further education. So I get a chance to develop myself. However I find it terribly difficult to choose what study to start. My background is economics/accounting.  I have a choise between all type of highschool studies from economics to accountancy to HR to logistics to whatever type of jobs there are at highschool level. I have a tendency to avoid people/conflict (mostly because of my upbringing I think). I followed a course for personal effectiveness and a communication course in the past to work on that.
My personality type is according to Myers Briggs INTJ (in worst case rather schizo type), however the N and the J are not very strong. My personality according to the enneagram is 5w6. I think these personality types reflect the damage done during my childhood.
Could you ladies please shine a light on the subject? What would be the best choice to grow as a person? What would be best to avoid?
Thanks for your time and effort!

Over the years I have suffered quite a lot from anxiety and depression. Will a career change/study make things better or worse for me? Would it be savest to stay in the economics/accounting field?
I am worried that I might make a choice that would intensify my anxiety/depression. But something new can ofcourse also motivate a person and make a person positive and enthusiastic.
Somehow I have this feeling that I need a challenge. But challenges can also drain a person in the long run. Or am I being too pessimistic?
My thoughts go round and round in circles...

I can identify with what you're struggling with!  When I was still in high school, I struggled with the decision about whether or not to even go to college because of NWomb-Donor's insistence that I was "too RETARDED" to be worth ANYTHING plus she often BRAGGED that the ONLY CHILD who would get college expenses paid for would be NGCB!  (My father had some money earmarked for college at the time he died.)  When I won a small scholarship, a few years after I graduated from high school, to attend community college, I didn't know what I should study, so I met with the college counselors who gave me placement tests.  I started out with general studies to (1) help me acclimate to college level work and (2) help me explore my strengths, weaknesses, and interests.  I surprised myself by earning A's and B's even though various family members STILL kept hammering at me that I was nothing more than a "retarded waste of space who was too retarded to be allowed to attend college"!  (WTF?)  When I took the Myers-Briggs several years after that, I tested as an INFP where I am also strongly introverted.  I'm not sure if my being an Introvert is a result of the continued abuse by NWomb-Donor and her minions of N-Suppliers or from being an Aspie.

I'm wondering if you might have the option of meeting with the college counselors where you plan to attend and discuss the difficulty in choices like I did?  Can you take any placement tests or aptitude tests at that college?  Like you, I was terrified that I might fail and prove that the NWomb-Donor was right.  When I started seeing the grades of A's and B's, that is what finally convinced me that I am NOT mentally retarded and that the c@#$ was a LIAR!  I was able to prove to myself that I am capable and worth it!  I also discovered that I have a LOVE of learning...something that was nearly CRUSHED in grade school!  I was able to progress as far as earning a Bachelor's and then a Master's.  I haven't tried for a PhD yet because of the finances and lack of a job.  However, if I can do it, attend college in spite of the NWomb-Donor's damage and abuse, you can too!

Just my 1/2 cent's worth of opinion.

Bones

[Lucky]

I have been doing lots of career/educational tests on the internet. Often these all give different outcomes. However the function of economist or controller/administrator keeps popping up regularly. However that is also the case with science. But I am not very good at maths.
I wonder if I should try to indulge my introvert ways or if I should challenge myself a bit. At the moment I do not have to interact a lot with other people and I don't mind. It's not that I am asocial because I can be social. I wish I really felt a passion for one of the highschool studies but I don't.
And yes, me always being looked down upon by my NM has not helped my selfconfidence.
Sometimes I do stupid things and that makes me think I am really stupid.

[Ami]

Dear Lucky
 This is just my intuition as I read your post. I think you should go WITH your introverted tendancies in choosing what to study. I think if you ride with your natural tendencies you will find something that fits and will help you grow.
 I think you will grow in the best way by going WITH yourself rather than against yourself.
 Please talk about all the choices. I would love to hear. Do they have library science ?    x o o  Ami

[Lucky]

I work for a big industrial company (about 9,500 employees). The company will only support anything related to the company. I am afraid that the company would not support library science. However I LOVE books and the job would suit my personality.
I could choose logistics, management, product development, informatics, economics, marketing, purchasing, sales, anything technical, HR etc.
My job has always been (financial) administrative and purchasing.

[BonesMS]

I have been doing lots of career/educational tests on the internet. Often these all give different outcomes. However the function of economist or controller/administrator keeps popping of regularly. However that is also the case with science. But I am not very good at maths.
I wonder if I should try to indulge my introvert ways or if I should challenge myself a bit. At the moment I do not have to interact a lot with other people and I don't mind. It's not that I am asocial because I can be social. I wish I really felt a passion for one of the highschool studies but I don't.
And yes, me always being looked down upon by my NM has not helped my selfconfidence.
Sometimes I do stupid things and that makes me think I am really stupid.

(((((((((((((((((((((Lucky))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

The online stuff is helpful and, at the same time, talking it out face-to-face with a college counselor is an additional resource that is also helpful.  I'm also AWFUL at math!  I now realize that my weaknesses in math were the result of a LOT of factors...(1) having a sadistic, abusive grade school teacher who focused more on torturing her students than teaching us the math skills we needed, (2) getting NO academic support at home...EVER, (3) being actively discouraged, by school "officials" from strengthening my math skills because I am a female (this was during the 1950s to 1960s where the prominent "belief" was a woman NEEDED to STAY HOME and be ONLY A HOUSEWIFE), and (4) a previously undiagnosed learning disability, possibly linked to my possible Asperger's, which requires different teaching/learning techniques than what the regular grade schools/college classes were capable of providing.  I STRUGGLED to learn math, including Algebra, in regular classes and often did poorly.  However, when I was required to take a Geometry class while attending a university for the Deaf, I ACED everything because the math concepts were made VISUAL!!!!  It made me wonder WHY can't ALL math teachers use this method of multiple modes, including VISUAL modes, instead of only "talking to the blackboard"?

As for "doing stupid things".....we are all human.....we all make mistakes....that's why there are erasers on pencils.  I have to often remind myself that (1) I AM A HUMAN BEING, (2) I can and will make mistakes...FREQUENTLY, (3) I can LEARN from my mistakes and (4) making a mistake does NOT automatically mean that I AM a mistake!  (I hope that makes sense!)

Just a thought or two.

Bones

[Logy]

Lucky,

How great that the company is giving you this opportunity!

I think that you are doing what I would do in the same situation.  Over-analyzing!    Sometimes you just need to start.  With anything that sparks an interest.  Don't worry about making a mistake.  Any "mistake" you make in this situation can be changed.  If you start something and change your mind, that's ok.  The knowledge that you gain from that mistake is a positive.  Knowledge is never wasted and can always be applied in other situations.

Don't worry about changing your mind later.  I think you may learn what you want to do by doing things, not just thinking about them.

One of my favorite quotes is from the Dalai Lama.  "When you eliminate the need to explain your shortcomings or failures, you'll awaken to the life of your dreams.

[Lucky]

Bones, I really admire you perseverance and the fact that you got such wonderful grades. Especially in that period of time when women were supposed to stay at home. Thank you very much for boosting my confidence, I really needed that!
Logy, you are so right that I am analyzing too much, as usual!
It can be a useful trait but sometimes it is my pitfall.

[SilverLining]

Hi Lucky.  I can understand where you are coming from since I am pushing 50 and still trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up..   It seems those of us who come from N-ish backgrounds have a difficult time figuring this stuff out because we didn't get much help from our families in understanding our talents or abilities.   Any one of the topics you list could be useful and interesting.  Does this choice force you down a particular career path at the company?  Could you choose to pursue more than one topic?  I have an MBA, and it's basically a general degree with exposure to every area you have listed.   I agree with Logy.  It's easy to get caught in "analysis paralysis" and not get started.    No education is a permanent commitment.  I had a Sociology professor in college who quit to start a Midas muffler franchise.. Last week I met a lawyer who quit to run an antiques business. 

If it's just study and not a job choice, might it be worthwhile to look at areas you are not familiar with?   

[BonesMS]

Bones, I really admire you perseverance and the fact that you got such wonderful grades. Especially in that period of time when women were supposed to stay at home. Thank you very much for boosting my confidence, I really needed that!
Logy, you are so right that I am analyzing too much, as usual!
It can be a useful trait but sometimes it is my pitfall.

((((((((((((((((((((((Lucky))))))))))))))))))))))

Bones

[Lucky]

SilverLining, yes I could choose something I am not so familiar with but in a way that makes making a choice even more difficult  . Spoiled for choice    .

I think that one of these jobs might suit me best, biggest problem might be maths but the maths "thing" could also be an insecurity thing:
Investigative:

• Actuary
• Biochemistry,biology, neuroscience
• Law, lawyer, attorney
• Economics / economist
• Financial planning / planner
• Philosopher, theology, theologian
• Health / medical sciences, public health
• Researcher or research assistant
• Social sciences (psychology, sociology, political science, history, anthropology, etc.)
• Information / library sciences, librarian
• Critic, critical theory
• Non-fiction writer
• Physician, doctor: neurologist, psychiatrist, pathologist, internal medicine, opthamologist, radiologist
• Pharmacist

[river]

This is what I have read described as the 'schizoid dilemma'    (Many people, inclucing me who have been affected by N.s have schizy tendencies.   (check out:        www.selfinexile.com   )

Over the years I have suffered quite a lot from anxiety and depression. Will a career change/study make things better or worse for me? Would it be savest to stay in the economics/accounting field?
I am worried that I might make a choice that would intensify my anxiety/depression. But something new can ofcourse also motivate a person and make a person positive and enthusiastic.
Somehow I have this feeling that I need a challenge. But challenges can also drain a person in the long run. Or am I being too pessimistic?
My thoughts go round and round in circles...   

you sense a challenge may be a good thing for you, sounds positive, ....... but doing what you know maintains a safer place, and preserves energy from being drained.. and thats a real concern....
     
when my T. said something like this to me, he didnt make any suggestions, but it was like he drew a line on a map for me, and left the next move to me. 

[Lucky]

Thank you River, I had already read part of the website a few days ago and all of it really resonates with me.
I started my recovery of my upbringing in 2006, at that time I was 36 years old and had just suffered my second burn out. It has been a bumpy road but slowly I get the feeling I am crawling out of the deep pit of desperation, pain, ignorance and denial. So therefore I now have the feeling it is time for some more growth, this time with regard to my intellect.

[river]

I now have the feeling it is time for some more growth, this time with regard to my intellect.   

Hm!  .... and am I remembering righly,  you saying that you had a love of learning ..? 

[Lucky]

I have always been reading a lot also a lot of non fiction books. Unfortunately the school stuff did not excite me much but I have a feeling that that has changed now because I am much more able to see the use and connections of subjects like economics, administration, HR, management, purchasing, sales, logistics etc. Things have come more alife since I was twenty and started working and my fields of interest have broadened.
I have a talent for focusing on something but also a talent for focusing on things at the wrong moment and not focusing on things at the moment I should be focusing on them. That is why I can get a bit chaotic and make stupid mistakes.