i'm coming in late here, Hops, and I haven't read anything except your initial post. I can understand your frustration. I can also understand--perhaps even better--your daughter's position. I grew up in a severely narcissistic household. My father is both N and sociopathic (or psychopathic, depending on the parameters). My mother is inverted N inverted S, deeply dependent, always looking for a savior, meaning me, as the only daughter.
OK.
I distrust apologies. I see them as opportunities for manipulation, because in my life, that's how they were used. Someone starts apologizing I shrink like a snail under salt, because it's all lies.
IF your daughter has had this experience, maybe all it will take is a few (yeah, could be a long time) instances where her expectations are NOT met. Where there are NO negative repercussions for believing good will come. Where you just put what's right out there, and let it hang. Hard as that may be.
