Yes Bear, the first time I went NC with my mother in my 20's I didn't know she was an N. I knew I couldn't say anything nice at that time and had dreams of hitting her with a baseball bat. My N crossed so many of my personal boundaries up till that point, my psyche could not take anymore to stay a real person. I'm not even a violent person. The more boundaries I set up with my mother, the bat fantasy eventually disappeared.
I've had numerous clear moments which I "told off" my mother, but they are just memories like a sunny day. It did nothing to change her, if anything she used what I told her against me in the long run. She would learn what normal people think is unacceptable, and "hide" these traits better from me and others to reel me and other N feeds in. I hope this makes sense. I guess I'm trying to say, the anger is healthy (I think so), and I personally used it as a barometer.... I can't always see when she crossed my personal space, cause she is so tricky. Trust your feelings that you're not crazy for possibly loosing it. The last time I lost it with my mother, I said this okay.... she is really nuts, so I felt bad about what she as doing but not about losing it. Anyways.... the result has been the same for me, loosing it or totally standing up for myself with clarity..... The result was all the same, she would come back worse the next time.
Swimmer