Wave of Depression

[Overcomer]

I am depressed as well.  Not so much that I have cancer and it's bad...........it is that my mom hasn't stepped in,

I love to watch Sex and the City.  It reminds me of the episode where Carrie and Aidan break up and Aidan leaves Carrie an eviction notice.  She has to pay or move out.  All the girls except Charlotte offer to loan Carrie the money.  While everyone is there emotionally for Carrie, Charlotte looks away and sips on her drink until it is empty and it makes that slurpping sound.

Later on Carrie confronts Charlotte and Charlotte says, "It is not my responsibility to fix your financial worries."  Charlotte had the money.  Carrie needed it.  Charlotte withheld.

THAT is how I feel about my mother.  I am angry.  I do not know why this woman cannot be my hero just once in my life!!  Do I have to resent her until the day I die??

[Ami]

 Kelly, we are in this drama together, with the NM. If you read my Blackie/Whitie thread, I go day by day trying to figure out the whys and hows.
 Little by little I do, I think.
 It is really too horrible to contemplate how the N M really is.It is like a horror movie and you DON"T want to see the monster. You KNOW the monster is there but you hide your eyes and hide your face cuz it is too bad

I realized that she had a death script for me. *I* was supposed to die(many forms of death----loss of self esteem, loss of identity, go crazy etc) so she could be the good one.
 That is how she wanted it to play out.
 Tell me--WHO can wrap their mind around THAT and stay sane?
 I became insane, if you could call it that ,which you could LOL
 So, I think you are doing what I am doing-----trying to understand why.
 I feel quite certain she WILL come through for you in the end
 ALSO, my discernment for you still stands. I have never been wrong on medical issues. When I feel someone will be Okk, they always have been.
  x o x o  Ami

[Meh]

Hi Ami,

I tried looking up "death script" on the internet.

The only result that came up was an advertisement for "free rigamortis".

I decided not to investigate the subject further. I'm afraid to know what "free rigor mortis" is.

 

Hope you are doin' ok out there!

[Ami]

*I* made up the term death script (((Helen))). I am doing better . How are you ,today?       
      Ami

[HeartofPilgrimage]

Ha, I thought ALL rigor mortis was free.

Amy, hang in there. ((((virtual hugs))))))

[Meh]

*I* made up the term death script (((Helen))). I am doing better . How are you ,today?        
      Ami

 I'm treading water I guess.

Oh, ok I see Ami, I hadn't heard the term "lifescript" before. But now I know, I referred to Dr Phil !

Def: "Our fixed beliefs about our own potential. "

Yes, that is part of what I am realizing.We want a mother so badly and we keep believing that she will come through.
       Ami

Ami, I went through this for years!  I would try to connect with my mother in futility and I knew it was futile but I would still try anyways and I thought I was so WEAK for trying. I thought I was pathetic for trying.  

Oh well, I'm past that now....the trying part.... I don't try with her anymore.