Stuttering

[KatG]

As a child, my sis stuttered when she tried to speak out words. 
It seems like I have an emotional stutter – the thoughts and feelings are there, but I just can’t find the words.  Sometimes my thoughts don’t have words attached.  Even after the fact. 
I get stuck when conversing with people all the time.  Just don’t know what to say, even though some thoughts are there (really, not always a big empty brain here  ).
Writing is difficult for me – the words just don’t come to my brain.  Use thesaurus a lot.
It seems like I need to circle a thought in my head with words out loud, and have others help me find those words that describe it succinctly (yeah, there’s some big words in there – but putting words together doesn’t happen easily).
Other people show compassion in words, crack jokes and make comments.  It seems like it’s easier for them.
When I go back and read my writings, realize I left out connecting thoughts.  Like it was only partial of what I should say to explain myself. 
Enforcing boundaries requires that you speak up.  Is it just a matter of rehearsing some pat lines?
 Am I too old to learn how to have a voice – when can’t even find the words to communicate?  Will this get better in time with practice? 

[Ami]

This may be just part of who you are--maybe--maybe not. I say that cuz I am studying Astrology and if you ever had your chart done--Mercry rules communication and if planets are at hard angles with Mercury, communication can be hard.
 However, leaving that aside--growing up with N's--you are constantly criticized and put down for all your trying to use your voice i.e. communications.
 Of course, it would feel hard to communicate having that kind of conditioning.
 I think we all get hurt in different ways when we have an N parent.
 I think you can overcome it, though. I sure hope that we can overcome (((Kat G))))        x o x Ami

[swimmer]

KatG

I have this sometimes as well... I think anxiety can play a part, and when people interrupt.  Examine the conversations you are having and who is doing the talking.... when you talk, are they responding to what you are saying?  If someone isn't listening to what I'm saying, looking around etc.. it's hard for me to focus.  It makes sense, cause what is the use?  Also, if I feel like I'm being judged or critisized, it's just painful to talk at all.  It's a gift I think for me,God is preventing me from wasting my time:)  If someone is looking around I just stop talking and try to get away smoothly so I don't have to continue. 

I'm not sure if you want any suggestions..... but I listen to these CD's called Word Smart by Princeton Review..... even if I already know what the words mean, the dialogue is helpful to listen.... it kind of wakes up that part of my brain if that makes sense.

I'm also a visual learner.

Swimmer

[Ami]

I can communicate pretty well BUT I always am afraid I am bad and am always afraid it is gonna come out like the boogie man and everyone will hate me .
 It is NOT funny, as you know.
 My M made me doubt my feelings, perceptions : basic mental health.
  I am getting better but it is very hard to jettison this self image I had to take on in order to not lose my sanity.We all take on the pain and trauma in different ways ((((Kat G))))
    x o x o Ami

[Worn]

Hey KatG,
I know what you mean about not being able to find the right words and skipping parts that were an important part of the message I was trying to give.  My dad seems to have a variation of the same thing I do.  He would try to teach me how to work on cars or learn to drive a stick shift and I could never seem to learn from him.  I finally realized he kept using the wrong words for things which, of course, totally confused me.  I have sat with a pencil in my hand and not been able to come up with the word pencil.  I will think 'this is a writing utensil that uses carbon to put words on paper, but what is its NAME?'  I use that last example as a joke to explain to people why I don't make sense sometimes.

In speaking, I will often realize I left out words or thoughts that are important to my message.  Sometimes other people will ask me what I mean and repeat back what I said and I realize it doesn't make sense.  I think it is a kind of disconnect between my thoughts and my mouth. 

I have a friend who has helped me tremendously with this.  I used to hardly ever talk at all because I thought people wouldn't understand me.  I feel comfortable talking with my friend and we would have friendly debates about various topics.  She would ask me to clarify and back up claims I would make.  I started to consciously listen to myself talk and to organize my message in words in my mind instead of just feeling the emotion of my message.  With lots of practice I have gotten so much better at it. 

So yes, I think it will get better with practice.   Lots of luck to you, Worn

[HeartofPilgrimage]

Just a thought to you, KatG and Worn ... have you ever heard of "central auditory processing disorder"? If not, google it and see what you think of what you find out. Both of you sound like you are describing having CAPD. It is a kind of "auditory dyslexia." Instead of words being scrambled on a page (as dyslexics experience), words get scrambled when you either hear them or have to combine them to express yourselves. KatG, I would not at all be surprised to learn that your sister's childhood stuttering and your difficulty expressing yourself in language are related in some way.

I also would not be surprised to find out that having a narcissistic parent --- who may have not listened to you, discouraged you from expressing yourself or discussing your feelings, made fun of you if you made mistakes in speaking, got enraged if you misunderstood what was said --- exacerbated a pre=existing problem.

Disclaimer: I could be really really off-base here. But that said, I didn't think it would hurt anything to throw that idea into the mix.

[KatG]

Yes Ami, the way were raised – not being able to develop a voice.  I do think success (no matter how small, as long as you acknowledge it) can lead to more success.  Was very sheltered, and I didn’t develop group social skills well.  Thank you for helping me voice that!

Thank you swimmer, I will look up that CD info.  Yeah, that makes sense – would like to ‘wake up that part of the brain’.  You’re right, I shouldn’t engage the judgmental or non-interested either.

Yeah Worn.  DH’s comments are actually how I started coming up with this question.  Your post was very clear to me!  Thank you for giving me hope!

Gosh Heart, DD was diagnosed with auditory processing disorder – she had such trouble with fluid in her ears as a baby and missed out on early hearing/developing, but overcame it with tubes, and a bit of extra help at school.  Never thought to apply that to me – will look that up most certainly.  Having a N mother would certainly make that much worse!  Thank you so much!

Thank you all for understanding what I was trying to voice.

[swimmer]

The auditory processing part of the brain needs to be exercised during development, just like anything else.  I just realized today for some reason, my mother never really talked to me.... I mean say something and I talk back etc.... normal conversation. 

People who get cochlear implants for complete hearing loss have a very difficult time with auditory processing.  This part of the brain was essentially off, so these people start from scratch.  Anyways... Hope this helps:)

Swimmer