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[Portia]

Glad you thought so Ami. I could say the same thing to some people I know and they'd think i was bonkers (in fact, they probably think that already). On the other hand, I've said some things to some family members recently, and ain't it the truth: if you provide people with information, which may seem outlandish or very unusual, but you present it with a neutral, calm attitude, it's amazing what people can (appear to) process without freaking out. So long as it doesn't involve them, I guess! Interesting.

[Meh]

 Removed

[HeartofPilgrimage]

In my experience, narcissism and anxiety go hand-in-glove. People that face reality as it is have to eventually realize that they are not perfect ... and most of us realize that and just accept it. People that have this compulsion to always be right, to never be diminished in any way shape or form ... how anxiety-producing must that be? What mental gymnastics does one have to perform to be able to always keep the realization of one's own imperfections out of conscious awareness? Constant tension, constant anxiety.

And they pass this constant tension, the "being on alert" down to us, their offspring. Somebody mentioned in another thread the "frenetic activity" of the N. Foxhole mentality. Always on alert, always active. To let down your guard is to give in to death ... I refuse to live like that any more. But I still catch myself doing it sometimes! For me, it's a constant, constant choice to lay down the anxiety ... and if I'm not paying good attention i take it back up again.

[Izzy_*now*]

Does anyone ever think that we might 'crave' a constant 'witness' to our lives so that we have total understanding?

[Portia]

Hi Izzy
quick thought only. I don't think I've wanted one. But sometimes you have to let certain peopleknow things in case they are planning something which involves you. That's just practical I guess.

[sKePTiKal]

In my experience, narcissism and anxiety go hand-in-glove. People that face reality as it is have to eventually realize that they are not perfect ... and most of us realize that and just accept it. People that have this compulsion to always be right, to never be diminished in any way shape or form ... how anxiety-producing must that be? What mental gymnastics does one have to perform to be able to always keep the realization of one's own imperfections out of conscious awareness? Constant tension, constant anxiety.

And they pass this constant tension, the "being on alert" down to us, their offspring. Somebody mentioned in another thread the "frenetic activity" of the N. Foxhole mentality. Always on alert, always active. To let down your guard is to give in to death ... I refuse to live like that any more. But I still catch myself doing it sometimes! For me, it's a constant, constant choice to lay down the anxiety ... and if I'm not paying good attention i take it back up again.

Heart - I think this is another aspect of the "trick" Ns play on their victims - passing on that anxiety through making us wary of unwittingly pushing that button... making them aware of their imperfection. And sometimes, it's even more deliberate... when that anxiety is projected onto us to be dealt with - simply because we are in touch with reality.

Sometimes, I can manage to refuse the anxiety with a simple conscious breath. Sometimes - it's a lot more work than that!

[HeartofPilgrimage]

PR, What you say is so true ... my mom has a million beliefs about "what ought to be" ... and doesn't get that what ought to be has nothing  necessarily to do with what is. And quite often she sends the message that I am the one responsible for making "what ought to be" happen. Especially when she doesn't like what my husband or kids are doing. Her habit of projecting responsibility for making my whole family do what she wants has long been a source of irritation ... but until I read your post, it had never "clicked" with me. Somehow she wants me to be the bridge between what she thinks people (including me) OUGHT to be or do ... I should be the buffer between her and reality. I should MAKE them change. And it infuriates her when I am reality-based and don't jump to take on that responsibility. She takes it as a rejection.

[Meh]

"Waiting for the other shoe to drop" is another way to describe anticipatory anxiety.

I think about how my mother could throw a tantrum for any random reason when I was a kid, I also think about my brother becoming alcoholic and the alcohol crisis that happen along with that. The end result is chaos, unpredictability and I guess really a lack of trust that the future will make sense, happen in an orderly, planned way.

Even as an adult I sometimes get the feeling "The other shoe is about to drop". I think this is common after growing up in chaos.

I wonder what it must be like to be lucky enough to have a faith in the future that is grounded on the past.

My faith in the future is grounded in something, more like my own personal will power but not on a past foundation.