I remember you posting about the family dentist before, and seems to me that you wrote that you didn't want to be honest about your NC with your parents because he talked about them as if he thought they were ideal. Yet when you were honest, he knew at least a bit of what they were like!
Yeah, I did post that! He did think they were ideal, and I think a lot of that was the mixed messages my father was giving him. He would talk about my mother's antics, then dismiss it with, "well, you know how she is."
When I was very young, my father went home to South Africa to visit his dying mother. NM was livid that her husband was paying attention to his mother. When he returned from his trip, M gave him the silent treatment for an entire year. My father would sound off to the dentist about it, but at the same time, acted like he was totally cool with it because "she has her moments." I'm sure my dentist saw that something wasn't right, but here was my co-dependent father making excuses for her actions, talking like he was cool with it. What is someone supposed to think when the husband actually defends the wife because "that's just how she is."
Years later my dentist would often say to me, "Remember when your dad went to South Africa, and your mom quit talking to him for all that time. Wasn't that funny?" Ten/twenty years after the fact, that incident still stuck in his mind. Maybe he kept bringing it up to get a read on the situation from me, and of course, I would always cover for her too, and make excuses for her. But bottom line, my dentist had seen and heard a lot of weird N incidents over the years, so maybe when I finally stood up and told the truth, his feelings/suspicions were validated.
It feels very, very liberating for me to finally be telling people the truth. I'm 50, and have finally reached a point where I have enough knowledge of Ns that I know the only way to deal with them is to NOT deal with them. I'm moving forward with my life now, and can't do that if I keep covering for M. If I tell someone that I'm NC with my mother, and they don't understand, or don't approve, well tough. I have to do what is right for ME, and at this point in my life, it feels right to say, "Hell yeah, she abused me, and I'm done with her." No further explanation necessary.
