Too simple for this site

[gratitude28]

Logy,
I definitely feel that way here at times. I think the theory behind NPD can become very intricate... and I am often don't need or want to think so deeply Sometimes I think I just want people to say, "I understand... me too."
Hang in there Logy!
Love,
Beth

[teartracks]

Hi Logy,

Sometimes I'm a ditz.  Sometimes I'm not.  Occasionally I can articulate thoughts and feelings well.  The nice thing here is that people take me the way I am, tolerating my quirks and inadequacies  .

I think you can feel comfortable and at home here.   

tt

[swimmer]

Hi Logy-

I think posting on a forum in general is an interesting experience anywhere.  People post in a paragraph, and then other people post back etc.... It's hard to communicate and not be able to verify what people say, like in a conversation.  So I often am thinking of several different things at once to avoid taking the wrong direction in some thread.....  Or not appear non-validating which could cause hurt feelings.  This can make a post appear wordy or deep.   

I see a forum like a cocktail party (or tea party:), there are many different styles of communication and depths of thoughts, and interests/motives.   Just like at a party, some people mingle with everyone, and some mingle with a few.  Some people have a lot to say and some have a lot to say but don't like talking.... Or people who can say something very quick witted and concise. 

All in all, just like in a classroom.... everyone gets a turn here without judgement about the way they post.  It's all good here.... deep thinkers, concise thinkers, wordy or just one word.... whatever.  There are no responsibilities here except to be respectful, pls correct me (respectfully:) if I'm wrong:) 

[JustKathy]

You know, Logy, this thread kept me up a little last night. It makes me sad that you refer to yourself as "simple," that you feel uneducated, and that you think you're a failure. You're none of those things. None of us are, but we've been made to feel like losers buy the Ns in our lives. We grew up believing that we're not good enough, inferior to others. You don't think that you're smart enough to post here, and that really breaks my heart.

So please, post often. Whether it makes sense or not, who cares? I think that the more you express yourself, the more you will realize that you're not the failure you've been made to believe you are. The more I post here, the more I feel validated about my N abuse. Every time someone says, "yeah, my NM did that too," it reinforces that I'm not alone, and that what happened to me was real. So try not to worry about writing the perfect post. Just write. I want to hear your experiences. I'm sure we all do. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Our N parents want us to feel that we're failures. They want us to beat ourselves up. Don't do it.

YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON!

[swimmer]

Just checking in river... I agree with JustKathy... & we are all equal here.  Post, and post as often as you see fit for your journey:)

[Logy]

Hi all!

Thanks so much!  You have really helped me.  I always feel like others are smarter, more important, better adjusted than me. 

Sometimes I don't know how others take me.  I did have a great experience today, though, that makes me think NM might be wrong.  I went to the salon and had my hair done.  The stylist has been doing my hair for about 14 years so she knows alot about me.  She had another client in at the same time and while I waited for my color to process, my stylist was drying the other lady's hair.  The other client happened to be an interior designer also.  I was so shocked when the client started telling me how much she admired me and what I was doing.  To hear this from a complete stranger and realize that the stylist must have been telling her about me started me thinking about me.  To a stranger I must look like an accomplished person.  To me I am a fake.  Someone will surely find out that I do not deserve any praise, that my accomplishments are just dumb luck and I will plummet into despair any day now.

I need to ponder all this a little more.

Hugs.  Logy

[Ami]

((((Logy))))


We have a distorted self from the N damage.
I have a fractured self. I get SOOOO insecure. I hate it.                            Ami

[English]

Logy,
I can sooo identify with my accomplishments being dumb luck and being an iimposter.  I have a master's degree--it was "obviously not very challenging course work."  I am a teacher-"They're going to find out how bad I am some day."  (great evaluations from the principal)  I don't know why I keep getting great evaluations when I am such a bad teacher--dumb luck I guess.  I am constantly fighting the tapes.  I'm so tired of fighting the tapes. 

  I always feel like others are smarter, more important, better adjusted than me. 

I very much feel that way too.  "All the teachers are much better than I am."  "I have nothing to offer this site."  All i have to offer you is that I too am having the same thoughts and feelings.  It makes me so angry what they have done to us.

[Hopalong]

(((((Logy)))))...

the client started telling me how much she admired me and what I was doing.  To hear this from a complete stranger and realize that the stylist must have been telling her about me started me thinking about me.  To a stranger I must look like an accomplished person..... 

I need to ponder all this a little more.

You sure as heck DO, hon.

Ponder it. Ponder it.

It will take you to a good place!

love,
Hops

[swimmer]

Logy, I too understand this too well.  It's very troubling to me lately I see myself as a person who hasn't accomplished "anything".  If my husband says I'm beautiful or smart, I just don't believe him.  I would like to graciously recieve compliments someday without feeling like I'm just agreeing with the person to have good manners.

[Logy]

Thinking about everyone and their comments.  I couldn't believe how much all of us feel so similar! 

Portia, I am just learning to embrace my craziness!  The more "crazy" I am, the more I feel like I am ME!  You can probably guess who defined crazy for me!

River, no one is the culprit with regards to my comments.  I think now that it was just my insecurities in trying to "fit in" to a new place for me.  I'm supposed to say the right thing, have an answer to fix whatever issues anyone has, be the nurturing, calm voice of reason, and NEVER have any needs of my own.  So when I couldn't be all that, I thought this was the wrong place for me.  It's not anyone else, it's me.

So, what I'm taking from all this is that I know now that I AM at the right site for me!  And I really do appreciate the things I don't understand.  They help me to learn more about all the info that is out there.  (Just might not be able to comment.  And everyone has just told me that it's okay to not understand and comment!!! )

[bearwithme]

"So I just read back over my comments.  I'm supposed to "fix everything" but then "everyone else is smarter than me".  How is a stupid person supposed to make everyone else better?"

I haven't finished reading the posts because I stopped after I read this one by Sealynx.

This just punched me in the stomach and I can't breath.

Bear

[Logy]

Bear,

Hugs to you!!! 

Logy

[JustKathy]

If my husband says I'm beautiful or smart, I just don't believe him.

When my husband I first started dating, he told me one night that I looked really beautiful. My response - "stop teasing me."

That's what Ns do to us. We are simply not worthy. We're ugly, stupid, worthless. If someone compliments us, they MUST be kidding. I've been in therapy for about 15 years now, and I still have low self esteem. I've managed to shake some of it, but I don't think it ever completely goes away. Our N parents started telling us these things at birth. That's brainwashing. Pretty hard to undo.

[sKePTiKal]

"So I just read back over my comments.  I'm supposed to "fix everything" but then "everyone else is smarter than me".  How is a stupid person supposed to make everyone else better?"

I haven't finished reading the posts because I stopped after I read this one by Sealynx.

This just punched me in the stomach and I can't breath.

Bear

Hey Bear... you've just had one of the double binds revealed to you. The damned if you; damned if you don't traps. These are literally breathtaking when you see them. I'll bet examples from your life are swirling around in your head. But you can breathe your way through it. Touch all your fingers together and cup your palms into a sphere, like you're holding a small fluffy kitten and do nothing but breathe deep and sl-o-o-w-w-w. Just "hold" what you see and feel in your hands until your brain has time to catch up and process all the various pieces.

A big "me too" from me, on the topic of feeling like a fraud; an imposter. Still causes me discomfort when I want to voice opinions that I'm passionate about. The intensity of my feelings about some things are still very much tied to the old abuse buttons, and then I want to rail & rant like a charactiture (sp?) hellfire & brimstone preacher.