Welcome to Romper Room!

[Anonymous]

Well... from my stand point.  Phoenix directed a post to Portia, and only Portia.    CG, out of turn, gets all belligerent and into Phoenix's face.  

Maybe CG shouldnt be answering posts directed at other members...that is unless she is really Portia also.  That would explain her getting all irrate.  

I see where CG, and perhaps Solace and P,  is also posting as an anonymous guest.

If CG and company do not like this thread....then maybe they shouldn't read it.  After all, I dont read threads I dont care for... Ramble especially, as it has an insane quality to it.  

Phoenix,  I really think you are wasting your time trying to get your point across to that person.   It isnt worth  the bother.

[phoenix]

Phoenix,  I really think you are wasting your time trying to get your point across to that person.   It isnt worth  the bother.

Yes, and this has been what I have come to realize, even as I started this thread. I just couldn't wrap my mind around the idea that on a board such as this, that someone may just not want to hear you, at the risk you might  jolt them out of thier comfort zone. Phoenix

[Anonymous]

I'm the guest who first wrote about explaining.Thanx for taking the time for explaining all of that Phoenix.

I understand what you are saying and I completely believe you.  

I see it as things were just swept under the carpet. Ramble is like the family’s dirty little secret. Lets not confront the truth there and hope it dies down. It won’t as long as the key player still operates in her same mode. I am not interested in hashing anything out with CG. She can just stay out of my way. And if I post a response in answer to anyone in any thread, she can stop her slimy scheme of coming up on my tail right after, with her own garrulous posting. And volubly patting others on the back, heaping praise, I know what she is doing. Wooing.

Why not just don't read ramble and now this thread too.It's not like sweeping it under the carpet hoping it will go away anymore at this point. At first I agree it might have been, but you tried hard and have now seen that you will always get nowhere with the ones involved. Nothing will ever be solved there and in fact your efforts stir more hostility unfortunately. So right now, leaving it behind and getting on with your own things is not sweeping it away and may be  a good way to go for YOU.

But you have accomplished a lot in letting OTHERS know to be careful on the boards in general.

If you are ever harrassed when you are posting to other threads this is something Dr. Grossman should definitely take up. There is letting members work things out and then there is abusive bullying which is completely different and there should be zero tolerance for it.

You should be left alone when posting in other threads and that includes comments or quotes from those threads being taken into the ramble or Romper R. threads and picked apart. Should you post in those threads well, of course then it is fair game to for the others to reply what they will.

So anyway--i just hope you come back and leave it all behind now.

[phoenix]

Why not just don't read ramble and now this thread too.It's not like sweeping it under the carpet hoping it will go away anymore at this point. At first I agree it might have been, but you tried hard and have now seen that you will always get nowhere with the ones involved. Nothing will ever be solved there and in fact your efforts stir more hostility unfortunately. So right now, leaving it behind and getting on with your own things is not sweeping it away and may be a good way to go for YOU.

Yes, I agree. Whole heartedly.

In answer ot my deleting all my past posts- I hated to do that. I wish I thought to do as Flower and save them. I would have put some of them back in. I removed them so my family couldn't get to them, which I feared to be a real possibility. I did the same on another board as well.  A political board. Right now I want to protect my privacy from thier prying eyes.

Thanks, Phoenix

PS If CG  or Portia want to engage me in conversation at this point, I won't answer. I will feel no obligation to respond. I had made my effort, already.

[BlueTopaz]

Hi ((((Phoenix)))!

First, in seeing a message with your name as origin, and then how many replies in such a short time, I couldn’t help but read and chime in.

I agree completely with Discounted Girl’s comments about you.  In fact, it even seems silly to address it (to consider other than the obvious).   Also, I am not saying anything about anyone else but only that I understand and know exactly what you are saying about your experience and feelings.

I hope, like another writer mentioned, that you will soon return to the forum outside of these two threads.  I know there still may be a bit more for you to address in this one.

I also agree that if you (or anyone) were ever bullied on outside threads, it should be taken to Dr. Grossman, and dealt with.  Nobody here should be allowed to be bullied.  

I understand why you did what you did with posting on things.   Regrettably, it doesn’t look like any middle ground will be reached.

It seems unfair but sometimes all we can do is look out for ourselves. Well, we can at least support others if we see they are victims of something, too.   But sadly sometimes we can’t right what we see as injustices, and we move on.   Some injustices are worth fighting to near death over, but others are not, and still others come nowhere near.

When I say “worth” I don’t mean value (it’s all valuable), I mean worth in terms of the probability of effecting change with reasonable others, along with the toll it can take on a person in trying.

You may have come to the end of the road regarding the issue, and I sure admire you for speaking your heart.  I actually do think you might have helped make some changes, which may only become apparent down the line.  

But I too hope that you will return to the board outside of the other stuff, and feel peaceful in being here.

Take care!

BT

[Anonymous]

So - it's OK to deal with bullying by being a bully.

It's OK to hurt people if they hurt you.

Hope you manage to grow up one day phoenix.

Hell, most of the world is still taking an eye for an eye.

You kill my folk and I'll kill yours.

Why should you be any different.  It's still a narcissistic response.  You don't have to be an N to be narcissistic.  You just have to be very, very childish, struggling to fight the demons in your mind and projecting out onto the world outside.

So what if you've frightened and bullied the bogies away from the board.  They're still there in your life.

Get rid of them from your mind and then you won't need to get rid of them from the board.

[Anonymous]

Once we find our voice, we should then learn to remember our manners when using it.

[ditto]

Once we find our voice, we should then learn to remember our manners when using it.

Amen, sister...

[flower]

Hi Phoenix and everyone,

I still remember that beautiful dream you posted about, Phoenix. I am glad to see you back.

I felt like I changed how I was viewed by taking off my past posts back awhile ago. I want to say that part of the reason I took them off was that I felt my heart was on the board and not everyone that came to read or would read them in the future had a loving attitude. And after all the trouble in the past on this board, I can no longer respond to posts made by unidentified guests addressed to me specifically. I don't know enough about them to know where they are coming from. I am no longer sure of the sincerity of the unidentified poster. It's too bad because that guest feature was probably included to help those who were shy and voiceless express themselves. I have found other forums exclude guest posting and now I see why.

 I've used the guest feature in the past.  Now I don't like that I didn't have the courage to name myself. Part of getting our voice is not being afraid what others will think of us. What if we all posted as anonymous guests? What if no one took the risk of showing an established identity. It would be such a mess. We'd never straighten it out. Wouldn't that be fun?

 Guest posting just doesn't seem like a good idea anymore on the other regular threads IMO (Not Ramble and Romper - hopefully they are outlets of expression for some of us somehow) after all the distrust from the trollishness suspicions awhile back. On the other threads, I see the word 'guest' and I wonder what someone is up to now. I rarely see anyone with their identity showing attacking openly, if ever. Phoenix I don't see you as attacking, it seems more like you're exposing something. But I don't know the details or CG so I can't take sides. I've had a mystery person act all supportive of me and then after time it seemed way over the top almost as if I were being mocked and I felt as if I had been had. But I recovered. All this hiding is too much like the N deception I experienced by Nmom.  It's too bad, but the guest feature for me seems wrecked. IMO I see newcomers who name themselves being welcomed here often so I don't see this as an exclusive board. Afterall we are all anonymous with our user name anyway. Establishing an identity here actually seems pretty safe most of the time unless one is way too controversial.

Hi Portia - I  enjoy your posts to me and really don't know completely what Ramble is about anyway, there is no way for me to catch up reading it from the beginning!

[Portia]

Hi Phoenix, hi Flower hello all other members on this thread.

Hey 4 pages and 53 replies Phoenix! I’m just popping in to say two things: one, I haven’t yet read all this thread; and two, I’ve only posted one post here – this one below. I was pretty annoyed at the time and just posted without thinking or sleeping on it (no, I haven’t learned my lesson on that one Phoenix).

I said this in the heat of the moment:

Posted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 5:30 pm    Post subject:    

 
This thread has no value IMHO. ha ha.

No value whatesoever.

Except to really upset me.

Annihilating me as a board member.    

Thanks a lot Phoenix for your very unkind words about me.

I won't bother to identify myself. You know who I am. One person. You know that. I don't know exactly what I, as one person, one voice, have done to you. Except told you my real name. On PM. Remember the laugh about how people sometimes call you my name, when they miss-hear you? Yeah. I remember, maybe you don't.

Did I ignore you? Did you tell me about it? Nope. All in your head.

Did I ****make*** you invisible?

What utter and complete BOLLOCKS. Rubbish. Nonsense. Not in reality. Not my reality.

What's the matter? Did Ramble become too boring for you, that you had to start this tirade?

CG you know who this is too. I'm sick of this. I post as Guest to help, but not this time. Not this time. I'm really pissed off with this thread!
 why why am I bothering to even post?  Can anyone answer that question?  

And I haven’t even revisited the start of this thread to see what I think now. I’ll have a read now and try to stick to your posts Phoenix, coz I have a vague impression that maybe that is what I’m supposed to do. Maybe not. Maybe I’m not required, wanted or welcome here but I’ll have a read anyway and in the meantime, I wanted to make my position clear: one post, as above, plus this one and the fact that I’m not here so often these days. So, yeah, hope this doesn’t upset any apple-carts, not my intention, just wanted to say that. Off to read, bye for now

[Solace]

Flower wrote:  "I've had a mystery person act all supportive of me and then after time it seemed way over the top almost as if I were being mocked and I felt as if I had been had. But I recovered."

Dear Flower:

That mystery person was me and I meant every supportive word I said to you.  I am so, so, so, sorry that I made you feel "mocked" and that is NOT what I was trying to do, or meant to do at all.  I knew you were hurting and I wanted only to help you feel better and so I posted to you as a guest.  I didn't post with my name because I needed to hide my identity in order to be heard.  At least, that's how I felt at the time.  I only wanted you to hear what I was saying, and never mind the source.  Anything I posted using my name was being attacked.

If I am the only person who has posted using "guest" on this board, I will eat my right slipper and go barefoot in the park!!  (Did anyone see that movie?  "Barefoot in the Park"?  I'm trying to lighten things up here a bit--that's all! ).  And you, Flower, are truly one of the pure, true lights in this place.  I hear your loving heart in your posts and your kindness to others and your gentle way is sooo obvious.  I wanted only to let you know what a true Flower you are and help you to really believe that about yourself because it's sooo true!!

Then you complimented me and I reacted like I often react to compliments.  I had a hard time accepting your compliments without being honest.  I was trying to let you know who I am, by saying that not everyone would agree with your compliments, in case you wanted to stop there.  Then I was away from my pc for a few days and when I came back, there was no more communication to me.  So I didn't post there again.  I felt very confused, as if I had missed something, but I didn't know what that was.  I'm sorry Flower.  I meant only to offer you good words and my true feelings and what I see in you that is so clearly real to me.

Flower, I wasn't a registered user or I might have pm'd you,  I don't know.  You have certainly opened my eyes about posting as a guest and that's why I posted to Meadow with my registered name.  And I revealed who that name is, that Solace is Somebody, in ramble, right after that.  I was next trying to decide how to do that in the thread to Meadow, after Bunny wrote that what I wrote was good, to let her know too--who--she was complimenting,  when "Liv" made that revelation, with no kindness, for me.

I'm glad you did that Liv, thankyou.  Although I would be much more glad if you had done so kindly.  The fact that it was done while demeaning is sooo abuse-101ish but maybe you didn't think of that, Liv?  I choose to believe what I have already stated and that is:  that the abuse we have all endured..is the real villan.  No hard feelings from me to you, Liv.

Flower, I might have pm'd this message to you but I've decided to skip being afraid of whatever negative may come of it and be honest, openly.  

Discounted Girl wrote:  "there is no room for anything but honesty."

I'm not discounting what you said DG and I agree, even if one is stupidly, blatently honest about themselves and their own stuff.  It's so risky and it allows plenty for others to take advantage of, and "mock" and use against one, but honesty is still the best policy, isn't it?  Hiding the truth is living a lie.

Maybe something positive will come of it.

S

[Anonymous]

All that this thread has accomplished that is directly good and helpful is in the above message.Good on ya solace!

[Solace]

Thankyou Guest.  That is so nice of you to say.

I do disagree with you though in that there are other good things in this thread too.  Lot's of good ideas and plenty of kind words by lot's of posters.  Plenty of people here genuinely care about eachother and that is sooo good to see!!

Thankyou just the same for your words to me.
I really do appreciate it!

S

[Portia]

Hi Phoenix, I’ve read your posts, ignored the guests because I’m only talking to you here. I’ll answer your questions:

Really? You took my words to you at Ramble as unkind? You could have made the effort of a reply. I wrote that to you with care. But if you can't see it any other way, I give up. It was me that wanted to keep things in private, but you have this out in the open policy...

No, not your words in Ramble, this thread I took as unkind. You’re making an incorrect assumption there. I could have “made the effort of a reply” to your words on Ramble? Yeah I could have, but you said

“Also, I don't need a reply”

so, so far, I’ve taken you at your word. I thought you meant what you said, you didn’t need a reply. Also, how long has it been since you posted at Ramble? I hadn’t decided never to reply to you. How long did it take you to reply to me on Ramble? Can’t remember but it was some time wasn’t it? How come you think I wasn’t going to reply? How come you have to start this thread? What was going on in your head? Hadn’t you noticed that I just wasn’t around on the Board? Maybe not, I don’t expect you to notice me. But you expect me to reply within your timeframe? I don’t understand.

Is that why CG came in on your behalf? To speak for you?

I have no idea. How could I? CG does whatever she wants to do. What has CG posted here? It isn’t clear to me.

I have no intention of annihilating you as a board member. Or anyone.

Fair enough. What I feel is what I feel. And this thread felt like a direct attack on Ramble. And Ramble has meant a lot to me. It’s helped me enormously. I was letting it go. And then you started this thread. I felt – I dunno – as if Ramble, all my thoughts, my words about my life, me feelings were nothing. Nothing. Just an annoyance to other members. And my internal world, as a deep introvert, is most of what I have. I have no real life friends whatsoever except my H. And he’s sick of hearing about my mother. Ha ha. Yeah Ramble has helped me hugely, through fights, through massive mistakes on my part and through friendship and words and empathy. I came to this board looking for answers about my mother. I got answers. Ramble helped me to look at myself. I owe Ramble and it’s posters and visitors. I’ve never had therapy and after Ramble, I doubt I ever will. I’m hugely sceptical of quick-fix therapy (pills, behavioural psychology etc) and do not have the money for long-term talking therapy. In fact, I’m running out of money full stop. I’ve been off work for over three years now and my funds are very low. I need to spend less time here and more time finding employment. I don’t have a car and if I bought one now, I’d need to work straight away. Unless I suddenly changed my outlook on life and lived off my partner, but I’m not about to do that. My financial independence is worth almost everything to me. Yeah, so Ramble, very important to me in my life. And by starting this thread you trash it. So yeah, I was annoyed. Perhaps you can’t understand why?

What do you want from people? For others to roll over and take it whenever you and CG decide you have an itch for someone? No one can speak up?

I don’t understand what this above is about Phoenix.

This has been my point all along: you either retreat in sulky silence, or come out with the big guns blasting. How does anything ever get resolved this way?

”Sulky silence?” Me? Nope not me. Your interpretation of something, I don’t know what. “Big guns blazing” well yeah, I’ve done some of that. With Somebody last I think. Coz I said ‘fuck’ didn’t I. Broke a rule. Amazed I’m still here. But I don’t retreat and I don’t sulk. Not my character. I’m surprised you think it is. But then, I guess we don’t know each other at all do we?

I had an epiphany yesterday about Ramble. It was about this very thing. I saw the hook. It is this juvenile behavior- The rebelious "You can't tell me what to do". I realized that there is no talking things through.

I really don’t know why you’re so obsessed – yes, obsessed – with Ramble. But juvenile behaviour? Phoenix – this is a board for crazy people like me. And you’re talking about behaviour? Is there some unwritten rule about ‘behaviour’ here? No. It’s your rule, your idea.

I was done with it anyway, but now I feel truly done. Not done because I have said all I can, but because I see the pointlessness in it. How liberating this is...and really very obvious.
Maybe someday you will read my post to you in a different light.

Which post? On Ramble? Does it mean so much to you then? Shall I go back and read it because to be honest, I don't remember much of it. Not sure I even understood it.

Still searching for posts by you Phoenix…my God there are some vicious, vindictive Guest posts here…I’d  love to see people post them as their member names. The cowards. Sneaky little bully behind your back kids at school. But I just love the Good Guests. The ones who post wise words and don’t need everyone to know it’s them. I love ‘em.

No you didn’t make me invisible, nor was that a complaint. Some people just aren’t in our radar, we don’t really see them. That is all. And I felt that with you. For me it was no big deal. Just telling you how I felt. I didn’t think you were unkind, either. CG is the one to suggest that one meant the other. That because I felt unseen, that I took it as you being unkind.

I’m confused. Was I unkind to you or not? I can’t tell, sorry.

Quote:
Portia hasn't been posting here for weeks, and you use something this negative to drawer her out and back to you. Why? Because she ignored you?

Was that it? She was ignoring me? See, there is my innocence- I never thought she was ignoring me. I was waiting for her to reply, I was even concerned for her. Maybe she was on holiday. So now I see , she was stewing the whole time, instead of just talking to me about it.

This is so dumb, I’m being talked about and I didn’t even know it ha ha! There are so many assumptions going on. That I can be drawn out. Nope, I just spotted this thread on Sunday and whooof! Posted my bit. Hey whoever posted the first part, can I tell you, I’ve been busy. So Phoenix: “she was stewing the whole time” – please do not take what someone else says about me as being the truth. Me, stewing? What? What the fuck is going on here? Can I speak for myself here? Jesus. Hey, can I repeat: I’VE BEEN BUSY. Not stewing (about what?) not hiding, not anything. Hey if anyone wants to talk about me, fine, but please don’t make up stories about what I’m doing. Stop assuming about me! Thanks.

I would rather go out in flames here with everyone hating me than be here silent and watch this continue with out saying something. Even if no one else understands or approves.

I can’t not speak up. I can’t - too many other people have been hurt here. And the idea that it is not my business- well it is my business, because it eventually ends up on my doorstep... and has. In ways that aren't easily seen.

This has come from a deep pure part of me untethered by what I should, how I should.

Yes, I needed to say all this, and it feels good.

It is odd, looking at what I created. Boy what a mess, huh? Ugly, nasty mess. Maybe to see it from my viewpoint, outrageous as it is, it was necessary. Oh, it was for me. And I am done with it.

Phoenix! Stop! What are you talking about? What is this all about? Phoenix this is ONLY A MESSAGE BOARD. No-one DIES here. No-one starves here. No-one gets blown up. It’s words on a server. And why are you talking about “too many other people have been hurt here” – have they told you so, in person, face-to-face? How can you speak on behalf of people you have never met? I’m not saying your intentions are wrong – I think your intentions are FANTASTIC but BUT, how can I put this…..they’re like mine were a while back. When the things with Jazz and Avery and Jacmac happened? When I took what happened here as life or death? It isn’t, please believe me.

Ah. May I say a quick thing to Dee Phoenix? DEE: if you don’t like something, don’t read it. What’s your story Dee? Who are you? What’s your problem Dee? Why are you here? Speak up for yourself before you start criticising others and telling them what you think they should do. Hell I did. I told my story before I started in on the big guns.

Wow Phoenix. I thought you said at some point elsewhere that you didn’t have a ‘thing’ with CG? Now you call her cunning and mean? I’m not defending her or anything else. Just noticing that she really really gets up your nose.

What is this “the gang” you’re talking about Phoenix? Phoenix. I’m in the UK, CG is in Oz. We don’t speak on the phone you know. This ‘gang’ doesn’t exist. See, I disagree with you about CG. But surely I’m allowed to? And just maybe if I do, if I think CG is okay, maybe one or two others think CG is not those things you say. Nothing is black and white Phoenix. We all ALL have good bits and bad bits. I happen to see the good in CG. And as much as you say this type of thing:

“Get caught up in her crosshairs and you will know what I mean.”

I gotta say Phoenix, just who do you think you are, telling other people what to think? Where do get off here Phoenix? Am I allowed to have a mind of my own on this, or do we all have to listen to what you have decide is the truth? Don’t you feel that the truth doesn’t really exist? That everything – everything – is just our brain’s particular interpretation of what we experience? Can’t you see how dictatorial that sounds when you start telling other people how to think and behave? This is tough Phoenix but hell, what’s the point in me writing to you unless it somehow sinks in? How can I reach you Phoenix? How can I reach you? Why should I? Why should I care?

Because I bother you. And because I bother you, you bother me. I see parts of me in you and you in me. But it’s no big deal.

Ramble is like the family’s dirty little secret. Lets not confront the truth there and hope it dies down. It won’t as long as the key player still operates in her same mode.

Oh for Christ’s SAKE! Who? Who is the key player? Me? What’s this about? Is this in code or am I too THICK to understand this?

And why doesn’t Portia fight her own battles? Did she really think I would answer her through CG? Not a chance.

WHAT? Well here I am Phoenix! But am I fighting? Or am I just exasperated? Do I really care? You know, I’m not sure of the answer to that myself. But hey, no, this is all fantasy, about me talking through CG or whatever. I don’t get this. It’s nonsense. Blimey if I want to say something I’ll say it. Phoenix, you know me less than I thought you did. Now, do you want a reply to your other post – on ha ha Ramble – or will you keep to your original thought of not needing a reply? I’ll supply one, if you wish.

PS If CG or Portia want to engage me in conversation at this point, I won't answer. I will feel no obligation to respond. I had made my effort, already.

Ha ha. *sigh* Do you mean I’ve just read all this thread and written back to you for nothing? Whaddya mean "made your effort"? Effort to accomplish what exactly? What is this all about Phoenix? Heck you probably don't want to talk, so be it, whatever.

[Portia]

Okay Phoenix, this is what you posted to me. Is this what you're eaten up about, me not replying to this? It took you 13 days to reply to me! and you gave me less than a week? Come on!

Mon Oct 18, 2004 9:21 am
I posted this at Ramble, but changed my mind. The "guest" after me prompted me to move this, I don't want to continue with this issue publicly; which is probably why I held off writing you back in the first place. I want to move on from here. You can repost it if you want. Also, I don't need a reply:
Portia, Hello,

Quote:
Phoenix, hello. When I posted that question, I didn’t expect you to reply, I didn’t know you were reading here any more. But I had a tiny wonder if it was you (a 5% wonder perhaps). I saw your post last night and was so surprised and pleased – surprised that even if you were reading, that you would bother to reply, and pleased to hear that you are not making those posts.

Was I the only one you could attach a name to? Lol

Does it matter that I post them or not - if I feel supportive of those posts- because I understand the reasoning behind them? What might be more important is to not reacting, but to strain with all your senses to understand why they keep coming up. It isn’t just a bunch of mean people with a purposeless vendetta against you – or CG for that matter.

This reply has been in the making ever since your reply to me, October 5. My writing feels very stilted here, very cautious. It is like when in fear, your mouth goes dry. But here it is my emotions go dry, my words feel dry, because I fear I will not be understood. It is a thorny issue being honest with you Portia, because in the past - with me as well as others - you have two dominant ways of responding- Attack or going into hiding. And of course I understand it has to do with personal history. I am not saying this because I want an apology or an accounting of. Not at all. It is more that I am on the sideline, wanting to be a friend as much as that can mean on the board, but that may require saying something you don’t want to hear. I don’t want to be attacked, neither do I want to cause you pain. But you have said you understand, so let’s let it go at that. Ok? Ok.

Quote:
When we had that exchange here a while back, I was reacting without thinking – kind of ‘don’t tell me what to think, I’m not as stupid as you might imagine’. Of course you were getting a lifetime of trained response there. I wish I hadn’t said some of the things I said, but I learned a lot from that. About how I’d made these huge assumptions and let them crystallise in my head until I believed those assumptions to be true, without almost any doubt. I guess I’ve done that a lot throughout my life. It’s a very difficult bad habit for me to break – assuming things without thinking, do I really know that to be true, or can I get more facts before I make some decision …I do struggle with this, not just on the board. Like with my mother. I know very little about her. So, thank you for that exchange, it helped me. I only realised yesterday that I do thank you for that. I changed my mind on something else I wrote recently.

Can I say something about CG. This may be irrelevant to you, but I want to say it okay, for me? I don’t care if she is also PP. I don’t care if she is also a host of other posters, including those who aren’t (on the surface) kind. Because I believe that CG means me good and sometimes maybe that can include stretching my ideas of reality. Why not? I’m quite safe, here at home, reading a PC screen. I think I know CG well enough to think she won’t be hurt by what I’ve just said. I don’t know, I’m taking a risk. Maybe she’ll be flattered. I really don’t know! I just hope she’ll tell me if what I said bothers her. Risk taken. On the other hand, if some of the posters I can think of are separate people, expressing real opinions: well, we’re all different and at least we’re communicating. Yeah, some of it annoys me, course it does.

I would find it hard to find allegiance with someone who was well meaning to me, but ill willed towards others. In order to remain their friend, I would have to address it if they treated others in an ugly manner. I think that CG values you quite a bit, and is open to you. I also know that CG is working from her own issues.

My feelings about CG? I feel she is possessive and jealous of any threat of her friendship with you being violated. I feel much of her actions stem from that. That is just me as an outside observer watching this person in action. I write this with hesitation, because again, it is just me laying my thoughts out there, I don’t want to invite the wrath of god down on me for just pointing out what might well be considered. I can’t go into the details, and I don’t want to.


The issue of PP- want beat the dead horse some more?-is relevant to others here because it carries unresolved history of how this person related to others in the past- as well as the present. And for the posts to be removed right after VCG brought it up, and CG making a chess game out of it in regards to me- well, that just added fuel to the fire. So it doesn’t really matter who CG is/was, but it does matter how this person continues to operate in regard to other people. That is why you draw heat here.


Honestly, I can see the good as well as the pleasure your exchanges are for each other. . Often it has the appearance of two kittens playing. But then those other times…

Quote:
Yes, I know very little about you Phoenix. How could I know more? All that I think about you is based on your posts here and by the nature of the board, it’s never a whole person any of us see. Plus my interpretation of your posts at the time – and I might interpret them all very differently now, compared to months ago. Also I can’t look into your eyes, I can’t see your body language, and you can’t see mine. It’s a surreal place. I know very little about you - that’s why I’m glad you posted above, now at least I know what you’re not doing! I’m real. The washing machine is churning away, I’ve switched off Radio 4 and I’m writing this off-line, trying to remember your post. Just letting my thoughts about ‘you’ and my pictures of you come and go. My picture of you is dim - not like my picture of, for example, Wildflower (very strong image, complete with hair style and colour, probably way removed from the truth but it’s my picture and I like it). The poster ‘Phoenix’ is like a bird rising, I can’t get a clear image. Perhaps I wasn’t looking very hard, very attentively, maybe I couldn’t, at the time? Perhaps I wouldn’t allow myself.

Anyway, getting a bit weird there. You said about me not knowing you and yes, I don’t. I asked the question – is it you Phoenix? - not because I was sure it was you, but because I wondered. And rather than let that wonder grow into some stupid assumption, hey, I thought I’d ask. I didn’t expect a reply (didn’t know you read here) so I was really happy and grateful to see your post. Think I’d better stop now, although to be honest, I could talk to you more, try and find out something about you, but somehow I don’t think you want that ( actually, I have no idea about what you want!). All I have is a foggy image in my head that is Phoenix and I attach some meaning to that image. I wish I could write without thinking I sound so damn sure of stuff, it sounds – I dunno. I don’t want to be like those who made me what I am trying to change. It’s not easy. Thanks again for the reply. P

When I first came here Portia I was really entranced. Here was a whole (small) world of people with the potential to understand what no one else could. You were one of the strong prominent voices for me at that time. In time I found that even here there are wide differences in character. After a while I found that I was feeling invisible with you – you didn’t see me. That was ok with me, and still is. Emotionally, I think we are very different.

Ramble also carries with it a sense of exclusivity, no matter how you try to dispel that feeling. It isn’t a place outside of you. It is you. You think it will carry on without you and CG? It is your dialogue. How others relate to you and CG either as individuals or as a pair, colors their feelings about Ramble. To some it is open arms, to others there is a fire breathing dragon at the door, and others are going to shy at entering the castle.

I know I will remember other points later, or wish I said something more eloquently. I am pretty tired writing this but I felt I had to write it tonight. I have been pushing it aside.

I truly hope you take this in the nature it is intended- in good faith and from a caring individual.

Take care, Phoenix

PS. It was me that posted the link to John Gatto. I am glad you found him so valuable.

Thanks for that link Phoenix, it was interesting. As for the rest of your post above, I need to re-read it several times because I can't see much correlation between my original post to you, and what you say in reply. You see, my original post was FOR YOU but I think you didn't read it like that. So what can I do? Nothing. I'll shut up now.