Author Topic: Welcome to Romper Room!  (Read 33451 times)

Thomas as Guest

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« Reply #105 on: October 28, 2004, 11:59:49 PM »
Quote from: phoenix
Thomas, not everyone concerned has been directly attacked by CG- but enough have seen her in action to give me credibility. I dont expect others to come forth, on my behalf, for that reason.
I don't care if someone follows up with a post saying see , she made it all up, there isn't anyone else, so she is making excuses. I really can't defend myself against that, don't intend to. And I don't feel the least bit bad about this. I know my concious, I know my motives. The only resolve I see is in just having done what I have done here. I am going to  go forward and make my place here on the board where I feel called to and expect CG to stay away from me. And I will stay completely out of Ramble.

Phoenix


This position you have taken has been to date, very one-sided Phoenix.

You've made very many accusations and had much to say about CG being evil and slimey adn manipulative. Which on some days has brought the board to a standstil. Now you say you won't or can't support it with any hard information.

We're waiting. We haven't heard from any of CG's victims yet. We haven't heard anything from CG herself yet.

And now that they have been called on to step forward and speak up, you want to close the door on all of this.

Now, who are all of these new group of people you are mentioning Phoenix? These people who CG hasn't hurt directly, but who have seen CG hurt others too.

Would this new group of members who Phoenix is talking about like to step forward, name names, times and places on the board, and provide at least some hard evidence of actual incidences about CG, for us all to take a solid look at?

Phoenix, at the moment I find myself struggling. I am resisting beginning to feel like I've beenhad.

Thomas

Thomas as Guest

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« Reply #106 on: October 29, 2004, 12:13:34 AM »
As per guests request

Solace said to Phoenix
Quote
I am sorry if CG has treated you badly. She treated me badly at first too but later she was kind to me. I don't know anyone here well-enough to judge them as conniving but I know what it's like to live with people who behave that way. It's not very nice, especially if you trust them. I'm sorry if I have said stuff that has upset you Phoenix. I have never wanted to do that and I am trying really hard to just be honest. I really can't stand lies and liars. I have always said I can take anything...but it better be the truth (and God help me, I have faced plenty).


Solace, may I discuss this pm of yours with the board and you?

Solace, you generously suggested to Phoenix via your pm to her that perhaps CG had treated Phoenix badly like she treated you badly. And expressing your understanding of her feelings if that were the case.

We all have read the many many times that Phoenix constantly states that her main problem is how CG treats other board members, whose names Phoenix doesn't mention. That it's been a great concern to her that it's not obvious to so many others. Phoenix mentions often how she can see CG's evil at work on the board in background, and how others have even pm'd her about it.

CG's evil and manipulation is something that she feels is overlooked and is hard to notice or isn't observed by the rest of us on the board, and how some people who are special to her have been blinsided by CG's charm.  

That's what I observe that Phoenix is trying to do. Phoenix is trying to bring  a healthy awareness to board about CG's slimey scheming mean manipulative ways, that Phoenix is concerned that no-ones else seems to see.

Phoenix has wanted CG to be recognised by the board as a damaging harmful influence and has been willing to stick her neck out and be ridiculed for doing it. Does that sound right so far?

So an idea came to me by Solace sharing her pm to Phoenix.

Why doesn't everybody who CG has hurt speak up for themselves like Solace just did?  Instead of leaving it all up to Phoenix to do.

Why should this burden of exposing CG for who she really is rest solely on Phoenix's shoulders?

What if Phoenix is wrong about CG? We don't know that yet, do we?

Where are the all the members who Phoenix talks about, all the real examples of where CG has hurt and manipulatd people? Surely all this isn't just about Phoenix being offended for how CG hurt you Solace!  :D

There must be other examples that people would care to share here, to get resolution and reach a verdict.

Perhaps it might be timely for those who have been hurt by CG in the past to share these incidences with us here and now. Perhaps it may be good to understand the situations and understand what we're talking about here instead of assuming, like you could have Solace in your message to Phoenix. Instead, you used the word 'if' instead of 'because' which meant you weren't assuming and imposing.

To see and read the evidence of the offences and manipulation and slime and scheming from CG. To perhaps even analyse them, instead of us all simply having to take Phoenix's word for it, which places an enormous burden and responsibility on Phoenix's shoulders.

And even though I am quite fond of Phoenix, her readings of her feelings without evidence is insufficient evidence for me. Also, unlike Discounted Girl's (  8) who I'm also fond of) sentiment where she said something like "If Phoeinx says it, it must be so! It's good enough for me." Well, that doesn't sit well with me either. I would never want to hand over that level of thinking and control to anyone else DG  :D . Not even Phoenix. I would like to see some real information from the offended parties.

Or perhaps, is it even possible, that there are more misunderstandings here than meets the eye? How can we ever know if the exact incidences aren't presented? People take offence at little things from others all the time.

A member is being judged here as someone who is quite terribly evil. That is a very serious and possibly damaging label to impose on someone and I don't think should be done lightly.

I think there have been many very serious accusations leveled at CG by Phoenix that now they need to be supported with hard evidence by others, and not feelings alone, if they are to be taken seriously.

So how about some hard evidence from as many serious and known members as possible to help out here.

If all of those who Phoenix believes have been hurt by CG would step up to the board themselves with their names and speak out and tell their stories of how and what CG did, perhaps even by calling up CG's actual posts up where she did it to them, this could be resolved intelligently.

This would also take a lot of pressure off Phoenix and give CG something serious to think about, wouldn't it? And it could assist matters here generally. The people who Phoenix is trying to look after appear to be hiding behind the 'guest' option leaving it aup to Phoenix to take the heat on their behalf. Where is their courage? Where is their truth? Is Phoenix
a bleeding-heart who is being manipulated herself to fight other people's battles. Battles which they don't have the courage to fight themselves.  

And perhaps if the victims themelves came forward with their own hurts and grievances regarding CG true healing could take place here instead of the constant and escalating bickering over CG. I would like to finally see a conclusion to this constant on-going situation, and see a fair and just resolution.

Thomas.

Anonymous

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« Reply #107 on: October 29, 2004, 12:21:49 AM »
Quote from: phoenix
Thomas, not everyone concerned has been directly attacked by CG- but enough have seen her in action to give me credibility. I dont expect others to come forth, on my behalf, for that reason.
I don't care if someone follows up with a post saying see , she made it all up, there isn't anyone else, so she is making excuses. I really can't defend myself against that, don't intend to. And I don't feel the least bit bad about this. I know my concious, I know my motives. The only resolve I see is in just having done what I have done here. I am going to  go forward and make my place here on the board where I feel called to and expect CG to stay away from me. And I will stay completely out of Ramble.

Phoenix


This position you have taken has been to date, very one-sided Phoenix.

You've made very many accusations and had much to say about CG being evil and slimey and manipulative. These constant accusations have many times brought the board to a standstill. I believe many would be open to believing this if it could be supported with hard evidence. Now you say you won't or can't support it with any hard information.

We're waiting. We haven't heard from any of CG's victims yet. We haven't heard anything from CG herself yet.

Now that they have been called on to step forward and speak up, it appears you wish to close the door on all of this.

Who are this new group of people you are mentioning Phoenix? These people who CG hasn't hurt directly, but who have seen CG hurt others too.

Would this new group of members who Phoenix is talking about like to step forward, name names, times and places on the board, and provide at least some hard evidence of actual incidences about CG, for us all to take a solid look at?

Phoenix, at the moment I find myself struggling. I am still with you, yet find I'm resisting beginning to feel like I've been had.

Thomas

phoenix

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« Reply #108 on: October 29, 2004, 12:26:31 AM »
Then feel had Thomas. I am not out to change your mind.

My point in the first place was to talk to Portia over at Ramble. Then I gave up, I saw it as pointless. And seeing that there were others voicing their feelings over at Ramble, I started this thread for them to talk here. And some have. If they choose not to be open, then I can't drag them out. Phoenix.

phoenix

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« Reply #109 on: October 29, 2004, 12:35:14 AM »
Also Thomas, other's not attacked  but seeing things for how they could be for themselves don't want to come forth because they don't want to be the next target. Phoenix

phoenix

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« Reply #110 on: October 29, 2004, 12:42:29 AM »
Hey "Thomas" - Even you aren't posting as your online name. Phoenix

Thomas as Guest

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« Reply #111 on: October 29, 2004, 01:05:33 AM »
Quote from: phoenix
Also Thomas, other's not attacked  but seeing things for how they could be for themselves don't want to come forth because they don't want to be the next target. Phoenix


Thankyou Phoenix.

I understand that. That is exactly my point.  :!:  That is why I believe they must come forward, and now, while it's being discussed in detail. And because you are here, and because you started this thread to bring about change. If it is all true, as you say it is, then they, this scared group are actually doing this board harm by hiding their truths and only secretly communicating their fears with you.

 They are responsible for allowing this evil CG to remain on this board and are hiding behind you. Happily observing you fighting their fight, and doing nothing to assist you to bring about the needed cleansing.

If they , this scared group who feel they'll be targeted next, don't want to stand up for themselves now, and for healthy change, then they really can't complain in the future about CG, can they? And all of this will have been futile.

To the foolish, frightened, timid group hiding behind Phoenix and her loyalty and courage. Speak up. Identify yourselves and tell your stories of how CG targeted you.

And then stick together once you do. CG won't be able to get at you then. Vote with your names. You should get behind Phoenix, visibly, to rid this board of CG if she frightens you that much. You should present your evidence and bring CG to full account for how you have seen her hurt yourself or others. Instead, you are hiding and playing 'guests' and enjoying observing Phoenix doing all your 'registered member' fighting for you. That is useless. The board will be behind you if you speak up, I'm sure.
 
Thomas

Anonymous

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« Reply #112 on: October 29, 2004, 10:05:19 AM »
oh, for crying out loud...  could someone please have the balls to put an end to this ***ing nonsense & the abusive volleys & just stop this damn thread!!!  I see people who are already wounded N-survivors being whacked right & left.  Just STOP IT!

Anonymous

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« Reply #113 on: October 29, 2004, 10:19:47 AM »
There's a difference, phoenix, between seeing someone 'as if' they are some bad person from your past and deciding that they ARE a bad person.  

There's a difference between 'wondering' if someone is being harmful and  declaring evil intent which undermines friendship and trust between other people.

To my mind, undermining trust between others is evil in itself but then, I know that I think that cos my Nmother had a policy of undermining my friendships because she wanted all of me for herself for ever.  So I'm inclined to give you the benefit of the doubt that you've not got the same intentions as my mother.

I, too, would like to understand what's really gone on here - but all the time, phoenix, you say either you've said it before or you won't say it.  Please don't condemn people when you don't know them at all.

There is a lot of spiteful troublemaking on this board, phoenix, that makes it difficult to make sense of things.  Whenever there's a sense of reaching some sensible place, someone just needs to stir it up again and undermine trust and send people scattering for the safety of their caves. Sad for them and sad for all of us.

But also remember that everybody is both good and bad, mean and kind, confused and rational.  You can't pick on one piece of behaviour and colour the person as a whole with it.  People are complex, interesting and very rarely evil.  It's only our incapacity to handle their behaviour that makes them evil at all.
R

Anonymous

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« Reply #114 on: October 29, 2004, 10:24:18 AM »
Agreed.  I see classic school yard Bullies visinting a board where they know there are weak ones. It takes a really demented Bully to pick on those who are known to be weak. Bullies, shape up or ship out.   This is not the Bully Board.

Anonymous

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« Reply #115 on: October 29, 2004, 10:44:17 AM »
The problem is that we can't get rid of the bullies from our lives.

Bullies are frightened people. There are lots of frightened people around and lots of bullies.

It's up to us to find ways of handling the bullies - reaching out and understanding their fear perhaps.  Whacking them back, perhaps.  :lol:

There must be lots of ways to do it - perhaps each situation requires us to be inventive and creative.  Perhaps it's a simple as ignoring them, finding the people who make us feel good, giving up our sense of righteous indignation (how 'dare' they do that to me) and forgiving (but NOT lying down for them - oh no - the forgiveness just allows us to move on and leave THEM behind).

But, ultimately, do we know who the bullies are?  The bullies turn us into bullies. So where does it start?  Who's the real bully? If you look at it closely, it's very very fuzzy ground.

My mother is a terrible bully - but only when I let her pull my strings.  And I only let her pull my strings when I'm not aware of what she's doing.  But she's got me so well wound up that I jump before she pulls the strings.  And fight her before she's even got round to setting me up.  And then I find myself doing that in 'real life', too.

So checking out where reality lies is our first task and then finding what pulls our strings without us even realising it...???
R

Anonymous

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« Reply #116 on: October 29, 2004, 11:04:55 AM »
R -
you have some valid points, but this is not the Board to work out those issues with bullies.  We have come here for the other issues as the title says.  Stirring up anger and frustration in us is not the purpose of this Board.  Anger with confrontation belong elsewhere.  Defending ourselves constantly is not healthy growht.   Good Bye Bullies. - you are not welcome here.

Solace

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« Reply #117 on: October 29, 2004, 11:21:21 AM »
Hi Everyone:R -

R:  A lot of what you wrote makes so much sence to me.  But I also think Guest makes it even clearer for me.

"Defending ourselves constantly is not healthy growht. Good Bye Bullies. - you are not welcome here."


S
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
 
 (Dr.Suess)

Wildflower

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« Reply #118 on: October 29, 2004, 11:53:36 AM »
Quote from: R
There must be lots of ways to do it - perhaps each situation requires us to be inventive and creative. Perhaps it's a simple as ignoring them, finding the people who make us feel good, giving up our sense of righteous indignation (how 'dare' they do that to me) and forgiving (but NOT lying down for them - oh no - the forgiveness just allows us to move on and leave THEM behind).

But, ultimately, do we know who the bullies are? The bullies turn us into bullies. So where does it start? Who's the real bully? If you look at it closely, it's very very fuzzy ground.


R, I just wanted to come in and say this is very well put.  Very good point about the cyclical part of bullying. :idea: It's so good to read you again :D (no pressure though :wink:  ((R)) ).

Quote from: Thomas
They are responsible for allowing this evil CG to remain on this board and are hiding behind you. Happily observing you fighting their fight, and doing nothing to assist you to bring about the needed cleansing.

If they , this scared group who feel they'll be targeted next, don't want to stand up for themselves now, and for healthy change, then they really can't complain in the future about CG, can they? And all of this will have been futile.

To the foolish, frightened, timid group hiding behind Phoenix and her loyalty and courage. Speak up. Identify yourselves and tell your stories of how CG targeted you.


Thomas, can you step back and read this again?  Is there another way you could ask people to support Pheonix that would not involve insulting them and, well, threatening them?  I think you have an incredibly valid point about supporting arguments with facts, and I agree that much of what has been said so far has been expressed in ambiguous emotional ways.  I also think that by getting to the facts, clarity may be achieved - and therefore resolution.

But if Pheonix drops it and no one speaks up about CG in support of her, that doesn't necessarily mean the topic has to be closed and those who didn't speak up failed.  Maybe it just means that people don't feel comfortable now.  Maybe it just means that there may not be resolution for this now.  Maybe everyone needs a break and some space.  Maybe it'll never come up again, but if it does, maybe we'll all be in a better place to be able to talk about it without being harsh with each other.  Can you let it go for a little while?  It doesn't have to be forever, and it doesn't mean anyone is giving up or that all of this will have been futile.  It just means that perhaps this is as far as we can go right now.

Quote
this is not the Board to work out those issues with bullies. We have come here for the other issues as the title says. Stirring up anger and frustration in us is not the purpose of this Board. Anger with confrontation belong elsewhere.


I completely agree with this, Guest.  But can I add that I also think that given our backgrounds there's a lot of unintentional button pushing here?  I do think this is a good place for talking about and discovering our buttons as well as finding healthier ways of handling ourselves when they are pushed.  And maybe in doing so (talking, not insulting and lashing out, but talking), some of us who are unintentionally pushing buttons can discover this about themselves, learn to stop, and move on to healthier relationships in their lives out in the real world.

Wildflower
If you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free
'Cause there's a million ways to be, you know that there are
-- Cat Stevens, from the movie Harold and Maude

Anonymous

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« Reply #119 on: October 29, 2004, 11:54:28 AM »
This is the ideal place to work out these issues - finding our VOICE and not letting others take it away.  This is just a micricosm of real life.  Each and every one of us bring our real lives onto this board.  Haven't you worked that out yet?

And you missed my point - how do you define the bullies when the bullies are those who have been bullied.  Read some other threads and you'll see just how honest some people are being about coping iwth the Ns in their life. It turns us all into bullies.

For example, I don't know who you are talking about when you refer to bullies - in the situation of CG and phoenix, it could be either, depending on your point of view or where you came into the argument.  Or it could be the other nameless guests.  Who defines the bullies and the bullied?

In fact, guest, I will take you to task and say that I experience your post as bullying to me!!!  The way you expressed your different opinion was not supportive or friendly and it affected me.
R