I wish the same thing, river! That somehow we could de-code all the variables and subjectiveness of our experiences and formulate a one-size-fits-all prescription for the un-do phase - and the rebuilding one, too.
I can list a few things that seem to me, help most folks:
work on boundaries
allowing ourselves to care about and for ourselves (permission to not be responsible for abusers or even the rest of the world)
taking all the time necessary to seek out, get to know, and learn how to manage the real self's emotions (this one belongs to all the phases of healing, but is the beginning of the rebuilding phase, I think)
allowing ourselves - and cheering ourselves on - to move out of the old dysfunctional comfort zone and try new things, meet new people, be different in ourselves
Problem is: I think sometimes the details of experiences obscure the patterns of what I've been through and how I've reacted. The tendency is to get into the he said - she said... the details... and sometimes I'm simply not ready to move into the underlying patterns or themes and deal with making some changes to them. I've been finding that the things that infuriate me, immobilize me, or freak me out the most are only the surface symbols for some more basic pattern that's going on. Once I have that AHA - so that's it! revelation... then I can chip away at another corner of the "old dysfunctional" to make way for something "new, improved, and different".
Maybe this study group could work on a list of those underlying patterns?