Study Group

[river]

There is a WEEKLY STUDY GROUP BY SKYPE:
The aim is 'to support the real self', and the qualification is wish to share this aim, and the other is to  identify with the 'Self in Exile'. 

You will probably know intuitively if the word 'self in exile' resonates for you, iether historically or more currently. 

There is a summary of the Real Self here:  http://www.selfinexile.com/the_Real_Self.html

My view of it is that it is a support group and a basis of unity for recovery from many of the deep effects and implications of having had a close involvement with an N. or other disorders.

At present we are studying a book on the  schizoid disorder as described by Ralph Klein, (which is entirely different than the labelling of behaviour found in the DSM).  It is my experience that amongst the impacts of narcissism, is that it gives rise to other disorders, (eg borderline or schizoid).  We identify with a lot, but not all of what is in the literature of the book, but it is the peer group indentification that is the main issue in the group, the literature tends to provide a stimulus for sharing and insight. 

My experience of the group is that it gives me a basis of a place where truth is shared, yet shared with a specific focus, and where I can release long-held experiences which would not really be recieved and understood in the same way elsewhere. 

[river]

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My own wish is that a clear, and pass-onable route to recovery could be forged from our own experiences, as the AAs and others have done. 

It feels quite scary and exposing having put this out here, ~ plodding thro that anyway ~   I'd love to have any comments/ interest/ questions..... 

[sKePTiKal]

I wish the same thing, river! That somehow we could de-code all the variables and subjectiveness of our experiences and formulate a one-size-fits-all prescription for the un-do phase - and the rebuilding one, too.

I can list a few things that seem to me, help most folks:

work on boundaries

allowing ourselves to care about and for ourselves (permission to not be responsible for abusers or even the rest of the world)

taking all the time necessary to seek out, get to know, and learn how to manage the real self's emotions (this one belongs to all the phases of healing, but is the beginning of the rebuilding phase, I think)

allowing ourselves - and cheering ourselves on - to move out of the old dysfunctional comfort zone and try new things, meet new people, be different in ourselves

Problem is: I think sometimes the details of experiences obscure the patterns of what I've been through and how I've reacted. The tendency is to get into the he said - she said... the details... and sometimes I'm simply not ready to move into the underlying patterns or themes and deal with making some changes to them. I've been finding that the things that infuriate me, immobilize me, or freak me out the most are only the surface symbols for some more basic pattern that's going on. Once I have that AHA - so that's it! revelation... then I can chip away at another corner of the "old dysfunctional" to make way for something "new, improved, and different".

Maybe this study group could work on a list of those underlying patterns?

[river]

  sometimes the details of experiences obscure the patterns of what I've been through and how I've reacted. The tendency is to get into the he said - she said... the details... and sometimes I'm simply not ready to move into the underlying patterns or themes and deal with making some changes to them. 

phoenix, this is exactlyt what it is, to get to the underlying patterns.  I was surprised that you read it as a 'one size fits all' thing.  As you say, a deeper look is needed, and idenfication can be hepful.