Your NM is trying to engage you, if she has you engaged, like a cat who chases their own tail, soon you will get tired, doing the very thing she wants you to do, attack yourself...she is accusing you of something and in reality all you are doing is fighting with yourself and soon you are tired and emotionally drained and are weak, just ripe for her pickings.
I totally agree with Gabrielle. That's exactly what your NM is trying to do - engage you. I had a therapist once who told me that Ns view everything like a game of tennis. They serve the ball, and wait for you to return it. If you return the serve, you are now engaged and playing the game. They've got you right where they want you. But if you refuse to return the ball, game over. The ONLY way to end the game is to not play in the first place.
After I went NC with my mother, she went to great lengths to try to engage me in her games. She would send emails containing some kind of wild accusation - something I would have to defend myself against - then sit back and wait for the reply. When she didn't get a response from me, she started sending emails to my husband. Ignoring her was really hard to do, but I HAD to. If I had replied with even one word, she would have perceived that as a victory. The only way that you can beat them at their game is to NOT PLAY.
