What I'm compelled to write about is not exactly about a normal voicelessness experience, yet it reminds me of voicelessness.
Voicelessness means a lot of things probably, one aspect of voicelessness is the personal experience that is unsaid.
There is a person in my neighborhood that likes to chit chat with me, an old older-man, I have obliged and talked to him out of neighborly politeness. The last couple of times that this really old dude has initiated chit chat with me his conversation has leaned towards the sexual. The last conversation he had with me he even looked at my body while he was having this type of conversation with me. Needless to say I didn't like this so much.
For the longest time I thought he was a conversationalist just talking in some sort of old fashioned out-dated way in the city I thought he was just friendly. Now I am rather disgusted.
I know it is my right to not be as polite to him as I was in the past, I know that many people would not think twice about this.
In fact a good portion of females probably would have acted bored with him quickly and avoided him.
I'm not sure what my point is of writing this. I am an adult, this is not exactly a big deal but it still has stuck in my mind as something I didn't like.
It's interesting to me how simply and quickly a person can invade another persons boundaries.
I think about how females especially with their physicality have to deal with this sort of thing.
I didn't like that he was insinuating sexual things to me and looking at my body. Because my body is mine.
I wont be so polite to him the next time I see him.
There is something about the "pressure of politeness". The way he slips his remarks about his sexuality into a "polite conversation".
I suppose I would say that I briefly experience a moment of confusion before I really understand what exactly a person is saying or doing and then I can't always think fast enough to disengage myself from the conversation as quick as I would like to. Because there is some sort of social familiarity.
Of course social familiarity is not some sort of right.
It's not important but I wanted to write it out. It reminds me how the memory of certain events become burdens somehow.
He is not the first older man who has overstepped some social boundary when it comes to sexuality. It bothers me that men feel so comfortable imposing their sexuality onto females that are younger then them, as if they simple have the social right to do so.
I guess it is weird to me that even as an adult, a man can make me feel disgusted about my own sexuality and my own body.
That is how I would describe it, some men make me feel disgusting in my own skin.
