After being India and seeing how things work over there, I have changed my perspective on things that I used to worry about. I hope I don't come off as ethnocentric, but being in India for a week and a half taught me that I need to stay true to myself. I've realized that I'm being brainwashed by people who don't understand where my family is coming from (this isn't directed towards anyone here).
My mind is very clear and relaxed, so I'm not talking out of duress. I still stand by keeping family ties and understand why mom chooses to stay with my step-dad. For someone who isn't a part of Indian culture, I can understand why this may seem out of the question or even horrendous. It's easy to say "You're in America and not India. Fuck culture." (which is what a friend recently told me). That's like me saying 'Fuck the American government. Just do what you want to do" or "If you move to Afghanistan, just forget everything American." It doesn't work that way.
My cousins in India see me as being "more than free", because I live so far away from my parents and do everything by myself. Adult children moving away from their parents isn't the norm over there. It's completely okay to accept money from your parents, since families are expected to help each other over there.You will not be judged for keeping ties with abusive parents, or pressured to stop talking to them. The family unit just can't be broken, since it's a collectivist culture. Everybody is very helpful and inter-connected towards each other. After seeing how adult children act towards their parents, I feel like a spoiled brat compared to them. Don't get me wrong. My cousin said respecting your parents and submitting to their control isn't the same thing. But, holding resentment is considered an unhealthy thing over there. They say it's damaging to your peace of mind.
The people who have told me (like on yahoo answers) that I deserve to abused if I accept money from my parents haven't had the chance to experience Eastern culture. They come from an extreme Western upbringing, and I let them cause me to doubt my instincts. They told me that I should be angry and mean to my parents, that I should never forgive them,and I listened to them! I allowed these morons to make me feel like I was wrong. You know what? All what it did was make me worse and more stressed. I was wasting energy on adapting to values that didn't even resonate with my heritage.
I am confident to admit that I would like to take care of my parents when they get old. I just can't let them rot on the street. I always felt this way, but knew that others would say "Oh my god! Why would you want to take care of them when they did all of that to you?" Again, maybe this person just wasn't raised that you shouldnt look after your elderly parents. But, that's my belief. Cutting ties with my parents won't let me do that.
From now on, I'm not going let anyone make me feel bad or insecure for keeping contact with my parents, or choosing to help them out.
