wish me luck ....hoping to go NC soon...

[Ales2]

last month, my Nm accused me of falsely stealing some of her paperwork relating to my Dad's death. This month, I saw her stalking me in two places, one she admitted to, one she did not. She also now tells me that she is taking classes to get certified in elder abuse so she can get a job. (she's 74 and has not worked since i was born in 1967). uh-huh. The more I pull away, the crazier the stories and antics get.

Please wish me luck, I have a job interview on tuesday and i'd very much like to get the job so I can move on with my life and go completely NC with her. (In case you missed a previous post, I'm laid off and my inheritance was doled out monthly, making some contact with her necessary- when I get a job, I will cease any contact, regardless of the inheritance)

[mudpuppy]

She also now tells me that she is taking classes to get certified in elder abuse so she can get a job.

She probably thinks that means someone will pay her to abuse people. She sounds well qualified in the abuse department so the certifcation should be a breeze.
Good luck on the NC.

mud

[Logy]

Oh, Ales!!!  Here's to you on Tuesday.  And to NC. 

It's absolutely hysterical that someone who hasn't been in the workplace for 40 years thinks a "certification" will provide them with gainful employment.  AND, uh, why does she feel the need to do that?????

Mud, you are so funny!

[Twoapenny]

Good luck Ales.  Going NC was the best thing I ever did, although she did up the hassle factor for a long time after it happened.  If that happens, write everything down, keep anything she sends you and tape phone messages - if it gets to the point you need an injunction you will need evidence of eveything that has happened.

Perhaps your mum is taking these classes so she can now start telling people that she is a victim of elder abuse?  My mum is an avid supporter of the NSPCC and Barnardos, both charities for abused children, and she buys cards and stationary from them which she used to send to my son.  This is her way of saying "Look!  iI support abused children and your son is one of them!"  The fact that her husband had sex with her children doesn't bother her in the slightest, nor does the fact that, from a family of six, only one off spring still talks to her.  That's an N for you!

Good luck with it.  Stay strong - don't let the old habits drag you down! xxx

[BonesMS]

last month, my Nm accused me of falsely stealing some of her paperwork relating to my Dad's death. This month, I saw her stalking me in two places, one she admitted to, one she did not. She also now tells me that she is taking classes to get certified in elder abuse so she can get a job. (she's 74 and has not worked since i was born in 1967). uh-huh. The more I pull away, the crazier the stories and antics get.

Please wish me luck, I have a job interview on tuesday and i'd very much like to get the job so I can move on with my life and go completely NC with her. (In case you missed a previous post, I'm laid off and my inheritance was doled out monthly, making some contact with her necessary- when I get a job, I will cease any contact, regardless of the inheritance)

(((((((((((((((((((((((Ales2))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Bones

[Ales2]

Mud - yes very funny! An online definition  says that silent treatment by family members is a form of elder abuse (but I think thats only true in combination with other tactics) ...

Logy -  she claims she has to go back to work for financial reasons - which is absolutely not true - its just a guilt and manipulation tactic to make us kids feel bad

Two - you are right on - she claims that my brother and I are taking advantage of her... nothing could be further from the truth. I'm sure she'll find a way to use it someday. Her recent antics have really made it clear that she is very ill and unbalanced and certainly I will be avoiding her ASAP.

Bones - thanks for the hug!

I did a little prep work on getting the job today. I'm prepared and I feel good about it. If its offered I will be taking it and excelling at it!

[Baddaughter]

I've got my FINGERS CROSSED for you!  You can do it!  Whatever "it" turns out to be.
Love,
Biddy

[BonesMS]

Mud - yes very funny! An online definition  says that silent treatment by family members is a form of elder abuse (but I think thats only true in combination with other tactics) ...

Logy -  she claims she has to go back to work for financial reasons - which is absolutely not true - its just a guilt and manipulation tactic to make us kids feel bad

Two - you are right on - she claims that my brother and I are taking advantage of her... nothing could be further from the truth. I'm sure she'll find a way to use it someday. Her recent antics have really made it clear that she is very ill and unbalanced and certainly I will be avoiding her ASAP.

Bones - thanks for the hug!

I did a little prep work on getting the job today. I'm prepared and I feel good about it. If its offered I will be taking it and excelling at it!

You're welcome, ((((((((((((Ales2))))))))))))))))

Bones

[JustKathy]

Going NC was the best thing I ever did, although she did up the hassle factor for a long time after it happened

Good luck to you, Ales! I have to echo what Twoapenny said here. For me, NC was absolutely the best thing I ever did, but she did ratchet up her N crap big time after I did it. Before I went NC, there were many periods where I was under the "silent treatment," or just generally ignored, but as soon as I ignored HER, she became ten times the N that she had been before. That said, I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I do keep the letters that she sends to show to my T, or maybe in future to show to disbelieving relatives. A few are unopened, on my T's advice, but I do keep them all. If for no other reason, just to document it for myself, so I know that she's the crazy one, not me. If your NM does turn up the hassle factor, hang in there. It WILL get better.

[Ales2]

Just Kathy - just read your post here after I responded to yours...sorry we crossed posts! I appreciate your kind words and support alot! Thanks!

[JustKathy]

You're welcome! Good luck! 

[Ales2]

Update - yesterday in the mail my Nm sent me a certification from the elder abuse class she took. I want to send it back to her with a note that says" I'm returning this. I dont need your paperwork. Please keep it in a safe place. "  I don't want to be passive and ignore it - but at the same time I dont want to incite a phone war or argument.  This really bothers me - I dont know why she took this class - to me its like shes trying to threaten me and I am really bothered by it.

She also includes a post it that says she will be in my city on 6/14.  I wont answer that at all - I dont want her to visit me - she'll just show up at my apartment. I've told her before that there are no unannounced visits - so she tells me in a sticky note to play a game and claim its not "unnannounced".  Its still the same, she's uninvited and showing up is an intrusion and a violation of my boundaries when I have asked her not to.

Any advice for me about the note or the visit?

[JustKathy]

I went through something similar when my NM said she was dying. She sent me a box of cheap costume jewelry with a note saying that I was her favorite daughter, and that she wanted me to have her beloved jewels. She then turned around and removed me from the will, leaving everything to the GC. A year later, she's still not dead. I want SO badly to send the crap back with a note saying, "Well, since it looks like you aren't dying after all, you might want this stuff."

BUT, no matter hard the temptation, returning the things they send plays right into their hands. She sent you that certificate to push your buttons and get a reaction out of you. Don't give her what she wants. I would just ignore it. If you talk to her, don't even mention that you got it. If she asks, tell her you got it but don't comment on it. She's trying to engage you. Don't play her game.

[Ales2]

Hi Kathy - thanks so much - I wondered what to say if at all. You're right she's trying to engage me, so I will ignore it. I guess my perspective was that I have been very passive about these antics before and wanted to change that dynamic, but you are right, avoidance might be more beneficial.

[swimmer]

"the more I pull away the crazier the antics and stories get."

I know this very well!  Just recently a friend called me and asked me if I had a baby 3 months ago, she heard I had another baby from someone else on my hometown.... Anyways, my mother is telling everyone I had another baby..... Very strange.  Your statement about antics reminded me of this.

All the best in your quest for financial independance!!  If you have survived a NM up till now, you can do anything you want:)