They won't change. They CAN'T change. They are mentally defective.
It took me years and years of therapy to finally accept that, but once I did, I went NC, and at 49, for the first time, I feel that I am in control of my life. If I should die before her, I know that I will not have to see her, not have to hear to her snarks. She got to control my life for over 40 years. I won't let her control my death. I don't expect to go before her, but if I do, I feel very much at peace knowing that I will go completely free of her. If she goes before I do, I'll celebrate that the NC has been taken to the next level - no more nasty cards and letters.
I'll tell you how screwed up these people are, and how completely unable they are to view illness or death with any amount of empathy. My sister has advanced breast cancer. She has had a double mastectomy, and six subsequent surgeries (reconstruction gone bad leading to infection). Throughout this, NM has been in a rage. She is angry at her own daughter for daring to get cancer and taking attention away from HER. She has mistreated my sister so badly, that an Aunt has had to step in and take care of her, driving her to her doctors appointments and such. I don't know what my sister's prognosis is, but if she doesn't make it, guaranteed that NM won't shed a tear. Instead, she'll seize the opportunity to take her daughter's house and belongings and see that her precious son, the GC profits from it.
These people are SICK SICK SICK. Please Kelly, don't hold onto the hope that she will change. She won't. Whether you have 20 years left, or only two, try to spend every minute with the inner peace that you deserve.
Please take care of yourself, and know that there are people here who care.
