New plants & a haircut

[Worn]

I've decided that this summer I will try to take a small step each day to take better care of myself.  It's a lifelong habit of not caring for myself that I want to break.  

So today I went to a new walk-in hair place and had them cut about six inches of my hair off.  It's still about 3 inches below my shoulders so it needed it.  
I had them shave the back of my neck and up about 2 inches underneath my hair too.  I've been doing this for about 6 years now.  Riding a motorcycle
with a helmet and a ton of hair sucks.  I can pull it back and the shaved part stays nice and cool in the breeze.  I like it cause nm hates it too. lol  This
is the first time I've gotten a hair cut in over a year.

I've got this lovely back porch that I never use.  It faces the woods and gets full sun 3/4 of the day.  I decided a few weeks ago that I want to try my hand at growing some plants back there this year.  I am a novice at plant growing.  We used to have a garden, but that was when I was too young to really understand why you did this and that.  I had a San Pedro cactus once that grew to about 2 ft tall.  But I killed it.  Well, the cat helped.  

So I bought a red german and a roma tomato plant today.  The guy said I could plant them both in the large pot I bought from them.  I got potting soil and came home.  Planted them per his instructions.  So far they aren't dead!  

It feels good to do all this.  Wish me luck, Worn

P.S. Next step is an eye appt.  I need glasses badly.  Headaches every time I read for any length.  And I read alot.  Then we'll get to the dentist.  

[Twoapenny]

Big, big well done to you, Worn!  You so deserve to be looking after yourself properly.  I have found as I've started to do little things I have grown in confidence and have then felt able to do bigger tasks.  So hopefully seeing those lovely plants growing on your porch will show you that can do things for yourself and give you encouragement to do more.  Any maybe you could dye your hair pink or something

Well done you!  xx

[Logy]

Worn,
What a great day for you!!!  So happy for you! 

I just got out of the shower and my hair is wet.  When I read about
having the back of your neck shaved, I lifted up my hair and felt the breeze from the ceiling fan on my neck.  What a nice feeling!  I can imagine you on your motorcycle and how good the breeze must feel.

I also have a side patio I never use because the sun hits it and it gets too hot in the summer.  I decided this year to do something about it because I miss having a patio.  I bought a small gas grill and a large umbrella to block the sun.  Next weekend I'm getting some flowers.  So I understand how hopeful it feels to build a space for yourself to enjoy.

Good luck with the plants!!

[sKePTiKal]

These so-called "little" things are actually pretty big steps! All to the positive. Good on you!

A while back, I got a haircut - it was way below my shoulders and is naturally grey/silver. I wasn't sure I liked the 80's bang wing-feathers, so when I went back - I had him try something shorter. Still letting him decide what my hair will look like when he's done, though I did give him an idea of how short I wanted it. Guess he didn't believe me when I told him back when I rode bikes - my hair was Annie Lennox short... and I can't blame him for being cautious!!

Now, it's kinda John Lennon moptop bangs and just below my ears in back - much cooler in our early summer weather!! I'm still getting used to having bangs again; last time I wore them I was 11-12. And I never learned any of the girly stuff about hair & makeup... but I am now!! It's really not as bad as the days of electric curlers & dippity-doo... and ratting and beehives - that must've been an all-day job!!

[CB123]

Good for you, Worn!

Having your hands in the dirt is so therapeutic.  It seems to literally "ground me".  I got up yesterday very early to finish what I needed to do in order to spend today digging and planting.  It feels so healing.

When I began really healing, one of the first things that seemed to happen was a new regard for my person and for my personal surroundings.  I think there is something very joyous about uncovering the beauty that has been hidden by our pain.  I am so happy for you.

CB

[swimmer]

How lovely Worn:). To nurture something is so therapeutic.

I've always loved nature and the outdoors, but have discovered something new about it lately..... When I'm out on a hike, I notice that there is nothing "wrong" with nature..... and if there is nobody is "wronging it".  Being around nature is really a haven for me.... There are no visual reminders of my mother "wronging" me.... Nature is so powerful, 100% safety from narcissist influence.  A narcissist cannot change a force of nature!!

Don't forget to talk to your plants:). I've heard this makes them grow well.... Seriously!
 

[Hopalong]

a new regard for my person and for my personal surroundings.  I think there is something very joyous about uncovering the beauty that has been hidden by our pain

Oh this is lyrical.

Thank you, CB...

love,
Hops

[Worn]

Thanks everybody! 

There's new growth on the tomatoes so they seem to like their new home. 

Spent the last few days with my nephews.  They are 10 and 12 and a ton of fun.  Luckily I get to spend lots of time with them.  They are growing up so well and I'm so proud of them.

I have decided to start drawing again.  I used to alot as a kid but quit as I got into my midteens.  I enjoy drawing.  Not much talent, but it's fun.  Gonna go express myself...well maybe after some sleep.  Worn

[Worn]

I went for an eye appointment friday.  They said my eyesight was barely legal to drive.  I guess it was about time to get those glasses.  New glasses should be in this coming week.

My tomato plants are thriving.  They're both huge and have started their first blossoms.  They seem to like their home.  Haven't been talking to them, but I might just start.

As far as the taking care of myself day to day, that is, I guess, more success than failure.  There's progress anyway.  Just get frustrated with myself when I don't see immediate concrete change.  Oh well.

Have been grieving tremendously in the last couple weeks.  I'm used to stuffing and stuffing and stuffing feelings.  Just letting them out is almost completely foreign to me.  I'm becoming more familiar with the hole in my chest.  Right now it seems bottomless. 

I decided at the last minute today to go to a Native American festival that was nearby.  Attended a lecture on Cherokee Women in Legend and Life and listened to a husband and wife storytelling team tell the Trail of Tears story.  I went too late to hear the drumming and see the dancing.  Maybe I'll go again tomorrow.  It was a blast and very nice to just spend some time with myself doing something I enjoy.  I don't usually go do stuff like that by myself. 

I wrote a poem the other night when dealing with some tough emotions.  This is one of the healthiest ways I deal with stuff.  I've been doing this since I was about 13.  Here it is...please don't laugh. 

Fever

My body burns, fevered with emotion. 
Anger, fear, grief, hope... 
Can I trust?  Who do you think you are? 
That's the answer I have to find.
My inability to speak feeds fire.
Can I find my way? 
I'm closing in. 
Faint traces of me.

Well, that's about it from Lake Wobegon.  Take care my sisters, Worn

[Hopalong]

Think of the hole in your heart as a necessary wound, like from lifesaving surgery...

it will heal, it really will.

You're letting it be what it is, and yourself too.

You are going to have such an amazing life, Worn...

love,
Hops