Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Out of the FOG
Ales2:
this is brilliant Hops - thanks so much for posting it. Very helpful. Its already bookmarked!
Now if only I could find rhythm, where in the morning I could get myself into a consistently postive, productive and assertive mindset, get through my workload and stay productive and then have some quiet time before bed to reflect on what worked and what didn't at the end of the day. I need real help in this area!
Ales2:
thanks again for the post hops. as i was asking for an answer to deal with and heal my issues so I can be more productive in my life - i kind of a had an epiphany that derailed most of the rest of the day - but in a good way. i was journaling for about 3 hours when it came to me that a mantra i had adopted a while back was coming into clearer focus and things clicked for me. I was able to write out several pages of answers both for public and private use that gave me closure on my relationship with my N mother and myself (i.e what I call my sacred self - the part of me that only I and a very few other select people VESMB people, T and 2-3 super trustowrthy friends). Getting that closure doesnt actually come from the words, it was honetly a FEELING that I had, the words just expressed that. As I was feeling the closure, I could reframe myself into a new place . And, standing in the new place, allows me to feel adn be different, which is what I was longing for. Being different as it turns out is just me at a higher level of understanding and it feels good. When in the "higher" plane, it feels very much like anything I've wanted, but have been unable to get in my life before suddenly seems accessible.
I don't know if this is realistic of the delusion of a depressed mind.... I'm being sarcastic. I hope its going to stick with me!
sKePTiKal:
--- Quote ---Enter the person with the personality disorder and you sometimes have the recipe for a never ending circular discussion. That is because the person with a personality disorder does not always able to see the same reality that you see. To a person with a personality disorder, the way they feel dictates to them what the facts are. So to them if they feel betrayed then you are a betrayer. If they feel loved then you are loving. If they feel afraid then you are dangerous. If their feelings match up to your reality, that's great! You will be wonderfully validated, incredibly appreciated and deeply and sincerely loved. However, when their feelings do not line up with yours, then it is going to be a long night.
--- End quote ---
Jeez, if I'd known that my FOO based their definition of facts on feelings - a LOONNG TIME AGO - that would've been really helpful. It sure explains why I felt such strong cognitive dissonance all the time...
Nice website, Hops. I like the presentation style a lot - it's very accessible.
Guest:
Oh yes: the way they feel dictates to them what the facts are
of course, numerous examples. Latest example is a bit weak, but it made me feel sick earlier this year:
So: I helped another 'helper' do a bit of DIY. We both thought the DIY was completely the wrong thing to do, but the Sick Person wanted it done, and I wanted to help the other helper and get out of SP's way. The job is done, I go back to where SP is and SP runs towards me with arms outstretched, saying "Hug hug!". I sort of freeze in the huggyness and say "why???" and SP says...........
"because you've helped me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Barf.
And that's my thanks?
Barf!
SilverLining:
--- Quote from: PhoenixRising on June 27, 2011, 03:32:40 PM ---
--- Quote ---Enter the person with the personality disorder and you sometimes have the recipe for a never ending circular discussion. That is because the person with a personality disorder does not always able to see the same reality that you see. To a person with a personality disorder, the way they feel dictates to them what the facts are. So to them if they feel betrayed then you are a betrayer. If they feel loved then you are loving. If they feel afraid then you are dangerous. If their feelings match up to your reality, that's great! You will be wonderfully validated, incredibly appreciated and deeply and sincerely loved. However, when their feelings do not line up with yours, then it is going to be a long night.
--- End quote ---
Jeez, if I'd known that my FOO based their definition of facts on feelings - a LOONNG TIME AGO - that would've been really helpful. It sure explains why I felt such strong cognitive dissonance all the time...
--- End quote ---
Wow that sure does explain a lot. In my FOO it's been especially obvious with my mother over the past year. A few months ago, she was a raving and ranting lunatic calling other people "persecutors" and talking about conspiracies against her. Now she's calmed down and all of a sudden is acting loving and caring (at least by her standards). No wonder I've always felt slightly nauseated when the word "love" came up in my FOO. The gut knew what the intellect hadn't figured out.
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