Types of Narcissism

[Anonymous]

In case anyone is wondering:

The descriptions of various types of Narcissism below are adapted from an article by Bruce Stevens, 'Narcissism: A Nine Headed Hydra? Exploring Types of Narcissism' that was presented at the 'A Chorus of Voices Conference' in Melbourne, Australia in 1999.

Trickster

The Trickster is a charmer and is at ease in a wide range of social ituations. He is smooth, engaging and inviting.  He invites people to trust him but underneath the seemingly innocuous facade is the 'con-artist' who seeks out those who are naive and trusting and is ruthless in relationships.  He has a malicious intent and a right of entitlement: the ends justify the means and he is incapable of remorse.

Rescuer

This is the virtuous one who takes the 'high moral ground' in elationships. Their presentation to the world is that of virtuousity and these people appear to be kind and considerate.  They try too hard in relationships and may be a result of being a rentified childin a dysfunctional family.  He/she finds it easier to give than to receive.

Craver

The Craver has plenty of love to give but it is always given with strings attached; i.e. I'll give you 'x' but there is a, usually non-verbal, message demanding that you give something back in return. As with all people with
Narcissistic Personalities the Craver has a great fear of abandonment and clings to those (s)he relates with and his/her needs can never be satisfied.

Power Broker

Power is the goal for the Broker... he is in love with it. He bullies, humiliates and terrorizes his victims and is arrogant, cold and bureaucratic.  He is contemptuous to inferiors and he lives without considering the consequences of his acts to other people. He is out to get what he wants when he wants it by any means.

Rager

A barely controlled rage lies below the surface of this Narcissistic structure and lashes out when the narcissism is dented. Explosive rage can be irrational and violence often accompanies it. This type can be very controlling and abusive in relationships when (s)he cannot get his/her own way.  The word 'tantrum' is appropriate.

Fantasy Maker

The Fantasy Maker has retreated into a world of his/her own creation that has a greater or lesser correlation with the real world. The internal world of fantasy is a defence against the pain and anguish of reality and is avoided at all costs because it is cold and harsh. These people rarely take responsibility for themselves so are unable to form a therapeutic relationship. Also, they have a very loose relationship with the truth distorting it to suit themselves whenever they are threatened.

Martyr

Suffering is glorified by the martyr. (S)he is a victim and tells the world about it unceasingly. Personal identity is the pain which is never in the past but always in the present.  These people want care and support and will exploit others in order to get this. Grandiosity is bound up with this position: no-one else has ever suffered as I suffer and relationships are formed with someone else who needs to be needed and is exploited to provide narcissistic supplies. This is a covert way of controlling other people.

Body Shaper

Image, fashion, glamour, youth and beauty characterise the body shaper and these attributes must be admired.  This kind of beauty is only 'skin deep' and the ageing process is often denied. The internal world is usually empty and bleak and relationships are often shallow.

Special Lover

The Special Lover is a romantic at heart and idealizes his/her capacity for loving.  He/she believes that love can cure all ills.
As with all idealization eventually it breaks down and there is deep disappointment.  
The internal world of the Special Lover is especially vulnerable and sensitive to slights, real or imagined. There is also a high level of intolerance to imperfections in the partner.

[findingme]

Excellent site!  I just went to the original site, & it has some very good stuff.  I can pin all my Ns into one (or usually more) of these boxes.  Nice validation.  Thanks.  

fm

[Ellie]

My Nmom is a "Fantasy Maker" and "Martyr". My Ndad is a "Power Broker" and "Rager".

[Anonymous]

OK, I'll play too!

My NSIL is Martyr, Rager, Craver, and Fantasy Maker.  Yep, she gets four coupons.

My father is a Rager.

Funny, when growing up, I thought narcissistic people were the ones who thought they were the most beautiful.  I couldn't understand people who were so "stuck up" when they weren't pretty or handsome.    Stupid, huh?  But then again, I was growing up in a house full of rage and didn't know that either...  

Anon for now

[Anonymous]

Don't forget the other side of the coin.

We are ALL narcissistic to some degree.  We all have narcissistic aspects in our development and adult selves.  

However much pain the narcissists in our lives cause, it's the mote in our own eye that causes us the real problem, that stops us escaping, that prevents us handling it, that keeps us victim.  

And I don't mean that whatever you see in the narcissist in your life is in you, too.  But that there's a different narcissistic aspects keeping you in that 'dance with the devil'.

That's probably the most painful, anguishing aspect of all all this.  It wasn't the child's fault but we sure do need to get to grips with it as adults.

[Solace]

Great post!

I read this before but the timing was wrong.  I was applying the behaviours to my family members and myself and most of the rest of the world.
Guess what?  Everyone is an n in my world because just about everyone I know has at least some of these traits!!!

Now that's jumping to conclusions!! (don't see that one on there but it's gotta be an n trait, doesn't it???).

Reading again, in a better mode, I can honestly see so much that applies to my father, from every catagory but rescuer and special lover.  He was definately NOT in those.

If I apply this to myself, which is scary, I go for rescuer, except for "appear to be kind and considerate".  I think I am kind and considerate, so that helps me to feel a bit relieved.  My sister, on the other hand tries to appear that way, while underhandedly always getting something. Eg.  "I'll arrange for the music for your wedding and take care of it.  It'll be my wedding gift to you", when I expressed confusion about where to find what I wanted.  So she sings at my wedding and gets the muscians.  After all the fun is over, and she has had another day on the stage (going so far as to hire a video-guy to record the event--which ends up consisting of mainly--her--performances and leaves out much of the meat), she then tells me I owe her $x.  Lovely wedding gift eh?

Anyhow sidetracked there.  This one induces great pondering for me.

S

[findingme]

And I don't mean that whatever you see in the narcissist in your life is in you, too.  But that there's a different narcissistic aspects keeping you in that 'dance with the devil'.

That's probably the most painful, anguishing aspect of all all this.  It wasn't the child's fault but we sure do need to get to grips with it as adults.

You're right.  This is the sobering part.  It's easy to throw stones, but we lived in that glass house, too.  Since we can't change the Ns, it's good to keep looking at what we CAN change - ourselves.

[Anonymous]

Hi,

Can anyone explain why being a rescuer is N?  Is this being holier than thou, is that it?  I understand it isn't always a healthy position, but what makes it N?

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

That's a great question, guest.

I guess it's that 'it's all about me' thing.  Am I 'considerate' for your benefit or mine???  Is it a 'transaction' whereby I get something fundamentally important to my identity by rescuing you?  

Think 'codependence'.

At my worst, am I condescending and patronising as I rescue you.  Do I expect the world to revere me for my tolerance, consideration and superpersonhood!  Do I go on and on and on and on just to prove how considerate I can be!!!

Is your 'rescue' actually good for you or good for me?

[Wildflower]

That is a great question about the Rescuer type.

I think it helps to think about what it means to rescue someone as opposed to just helping someone out.  If you're just helping someone out, you could be giving someone a hand when they fall down.  You could be lending someone five bucks at a restaurant if they're short on cash.  Or you could be considerate and bring someone flowers when they're sick.

To rescue someone means to save their life.  The implication is that they can't help themselves, or that they would be lost without you.  So on the one hand, there's an element of drama or extreme (to save someone's life), and on the other, there's the sense that you're so much better and in control of your life that you're able to save someone else.  It's an inherently unequal exchange, and I think there's a tendency for the Rescuer type to think they're the ONLY one who can save the day.

I think it touches on boundaries, too.  If you lend someone a hand if they fall down, the transaction stops there.  There's no judgement or assumption about who the person is who fell down (okay, maybe sometimes ).  But if you think the other person is incapable of helping themselves, I think it's easy to start thinking and acting on their behalf.  But I'm fuzzy on that.

Anyway, that's my take on it from the point of view of someone who's witnessed rescuing tendencies in myself and others.

Wildflower

[Ellie]

I agree. I think the rescuer has the idea that you cannot exist without their help. They not only are there around every corner, but start mothering you to the point of running your life. Then if you do not live the way they want you to, and depend no them, YOU are the uncaring bad person.

I've known rescuers before. They KNOW more than you, have more EXPERIENCE than you, have been there done that more than you. You are the weak, they are the strong. If you ever imply that you can take care of yourself, this is when the N really kicks in. How ungrateful you are. They were always there for you......

[Anonymous]

Don't forget the other side of the coin.

We are ALL narcissistic to some degree. We all have narcissistic aspects in our development and adult selves.

However much pain the narcissists in our lives cause, it's the mote in our own eye that causes us the real problem, that stops us escaping, that prevents us handling it, that keeps us victim.

there's a different narcissistic aspects keeping you in that 'dance with the devil'.

Yes-very important to acknowledge! The most important thing is to recognise how we keep ourselves victimised.It's the only way out.

I don't think the aspects that keep us in the dance are necessarily narcissistic ones, even in the benign sense, though. Why we dance can be based on many other things but things that do still probably at least come out of being in a close relationship with a narcissist or even someone with any serious personality disorder.

I also think the difference between narcissistic personality disorder and having non serious narcissistic traits that all humans do is like night and day and it is good to remember that and not to be concerned that we are narcissists too. I noticed some people wonder and ask about that sometimes.

One is a dangerous disorder and the other is just a natural and mostly harmless {even if it can cause us pain sometimes} part of human emotions.

[findingme]

One is a dangerous disorder and the other is just a natural and mostly harmless {even if it can cause us pain sometimes} part of human emotions.

I respectfully disagree (at least speaking for myself).  I DO agree that the first (NPD) is a dangerous disorder.  But I can't agree that the other (narcissistic traits in ourselves) is "mostly harmless."  I believe that those traits that I have picked up, however necessary they were for my survival, are some of the traits that keep my enslaved to the effects of living w/ NPD people.  

I think what separates us from the NPD folks is that WE are willing to face those traits, recognize how they have adversely affected us, & work on them to our betterment.  Just my two cents...  

fm

[bunny]

Can anyone explain why being a rescuer is N?  Is this being holier than thou, is that it?  I understand it isn't always a healthy position, but what makes it N?

A rescuer wants to be appreciated beyond normal gratitude. There is a grandiosity to the rescuer that makes tbem narcissistic under the guise of being a humble rescuer. A rescuer can also be very controlling. In many love relationships, there's a role reversal where the rescuer wants to be rescued by never being abandoned and becoming very controlling/possessive. However they are often abandoned after the rescue is successful...usually because the recipient didn't need rescuing in the first place and certainly doesn't need it on a continuing basis.

bunny

[Anonymous]

I respectfully disagree (at least speaking for myself). I DO agree that the first (NPD) is a dangerous disorder. But I can't agree that the other (narcissistic traits in ourselves) is "mostly harmless."

Hey FM:

I think general “normal” [non-disordered] narcissistic aspects in people are no different than anger issues, or fear issues, or jealously issues, or low self worth –etc. etc. issues in the same people.  

In that specific sense they are a mile away from full blown diagnosable NPD.  

Narcissistic qualities can get focused on at some phase in our life and cause trouble for us, and we’d need to work through that. But the same is true for fear, jealously, need for approval (etc.) issues too. In this way this non pathological quality of narcissism in a person is no different than any other non pathological qualities that make up that person.

It is no more harmful tham a person's fear, or anger response at a given moment.

I believe that those traits that I have picked up, however necessary they were for my survival, are some of the traits that keep me enslaved to the effects of living w/ NPD people.

I'm sorry--I'm not sure what you mean here!  

I think what separates us from the NPD folks is that WE are willing to face those traits, recognize how they have adversely affected us, & work on them to our betterment. Just my two cents...

Yes- the difference between someone with NPD disorder and just a normal display of narcissistic type emotions is that in the last one we can see what is going on and correct it. But why wouldn’t we be able to? It is not surprising, as we are not NPD.

We could also see when we are overcome too much by our anger or fear or other emotions.  

I don’t see why normal/non-disordered narcissistic qualities would be any more harmful than any other normal/non disordered qualities that make us up.We would need to either label them all as harmful or include the narcissistic thoughts in the main bunch as generally harmless.

I say "generally" because like I said earlier, we can over-focus on any of the emotions we have and they can interfere in our lives in a negative way. So like that, just as too much anger can be a bad thing, too much narcissism can be too. But only in a relative[over-focused] sense and not as just plain narcissistic emotions because they are narcissistic emotions.    

Maybe because we have seen the devastation that the NPD qualities can do in their worst disordered/NPD form, we are more sensitive, fearful and critical of any sign at all of them in us, even in the "normal" form.