Sflalken,
It's eating your life.
Your obsession with your mother.
It's draining you, sucking out joy, preventing you from breathing peace and enjoying your own family. They're probably suffering from your anger, distraction, tension and obsession too.
You're tracking her every utterance and gesture like a heatseeking missile.
It's very very bad for you.
It doesn't matter that she's wrong, sick, evil, narcissistic, dishonest, manipulative, crazy making. Unless "weather" matters.
Now, the only thing that matters is that YOU decide that boundaries are sane and you set them and learn to mean it.
You can be happy, serene, at peace in the world. No matter how any family member behaves.
But only if you learn to detach from this dance. You've got to stop dancing!
Have you read any Pema Chodron? She'd help you tremendously.
I had a moment lately that was huge: in a legal fight with a sociopathic Nbrother. I am cushioned by lawyer, accountant, and court ruling. My brother tries to 'get to me" anyway.
The other day, the mailman handed me a registered letter from him. I actually paused, hesitated, thought through -- do I want his voice in my head? Do I have to be forced to read whatever he has to say? (No, I don't. That's why I only deal with him through an attorney.) I hesitated, trembled, verbalized "I don't know what to do, he may be trying to trick me in some way by sending this instead of just sending something to my attorney" and the kind mailman said, "You can refuse it, you know." I didn't know! Called my attorney and he agreed, said: I don't trust him either. Refuse it.)
So I wrote in very polite script on the envelope under his return address: Please convey through attorney (while the nice mailman pretended not to notice), then printed REFUSED on the envelope and the mailman took it away.
One of the best moments of my month. THAT'S what it feels like to unhook fear and obsession with an abusive relative. I can say, "Refused!" WHO KNEW!
Literally deciding it's okay to draw a boundary and intentionally STOP saying Yes, I'll read it, seek out info, spend my time and my peace on it. My mind's door is open to whatever weather you want to blow through it...I am a receiver, I am passive, I am affected, I am helpless, I am a victim....
Anyway, took me a long time to get further along in this and a lot of help. I'm not suggesting you'll find it easy.
But I think it's the only way you'll find a happier life.
Block Sender.
Hops
