I knew this day was coming and I still can't deal

[bearwithme]

Muffin, Sealynx, Phoenix, Ales & Mo2:

I'm taking your words and holding on.  I need constant reminding of the philosophy behind NC and that it's a world of caring for myself instead of the N and that now is the time when I should do this no matter how difficult it may seem, i.e., "empty threats" from NM. 

I just wish I was stronger about all this.  Sometimes I feel weak and sometimes I feel proud of myself.  It's like the stages of grieving. 

Going NC is a process and those who are NC I gotta say, you are warriors and I applaud your strength and respect for yourselves.  Amen.

Bear

[Sealynx]

Bear,
The way I see it, the best way not to slide back is to minimize the time left open for dealing with N issues by filling it with something joyous. Anything new and different will do. 

N's are as habituated to running roughshod over us as we are to making time to give attention to their antics. How many hours a week does your N command your attention?? You can't let go of a bad habit by concentrating on it. Find some new hobby or past time that brings joy into your life and fill up the space they carved. That something can be anything from piano lessons to a new Wii game or swimming.

Find something fun that you can turn your mind and body to when N thought's or behaviors intrude. See it as a cue to get busy elsewhere in your life.
S

[Hopalong]

the best way not to slide back is to minimize the time left open for dealing with N issues by filling it with something joyous

hear, hear.

the Rx for a happier life, period.

Screw rumination on biofamily!

PHamily's out there having fun!

xo
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Yeah, I hear ya Bear - about the stages of grieving. It is sorta like that. There are days when I've wanted (and did) just pull the covers back over my head and ignore, deny, runaway from, and escape the whole situation. Fact is: there were days I HAD to, 'coz I'd exhausted myself trying to understand the irrational crap that I was trapped in. It happens; doesn't mean you're weak... you are simply tired. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BE TIRED. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO REST. You aren't gonna solve this, this week, this month... there's no real "quick" fix... but there is a whole bunch of helpful things that will eventually come together for you, and show you the solution that will work best for you.

What SLynx said, is the best way to replenish your energy, refresh your mind, soothe your soul and gain a whole new place to stand & then; and only then - look at the situation again. It's what I call a "time out" for myself. And the more my mind obsesses on trying to understand; figure it out; decide what I'm going to do/say and....... on & on...... the more I need that time out, because it's sort of like a mental panic attack and it's non-productive. I need to stop, relax, breathe, eat, exercise, and "not think" for awhile - let feeling take over until I'm "better". Feel the sun... water on my skin... feel kitty/dog fur... my hubby's hand... feel the next breath and "not think" long enough to let the inner chaos and crashing waves subside. Then, when I go back to "thinking" it's way more productive, solution-oriented, and not just a scared rat running through all the same old mazes (scripts???) that have been engraved on my mental-emotional-neuro-processes.

((((((Bear))))))