Mel Gibson verbal abuse - audio

[Ales2]

Here is a link to Mel Gibson's racist rant with his girfriend Oksana:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/07/09/mel-gibson-rant-audio-sca_n_641600.html

My question is this - most of this is obvious verbal abuse, the tone, the name-calling, expletives and the threats. It sounds really awful to me but it also makes me wonder - when on the receiving end of this with someone they love, does that love make them blind or momentarily immune to it when others see it as a abuse very clearly? 

In my case, my NM never gave me a chance to build my self esteem, she made sure she destroyed it first, making it hard to see, feel and indentify her verbal abuse (which was very subtle, undermining, insulting, belittling and critical). It took me years to see it and no recording would make it necessarily obvious like the tape above.  And, no one, teachers, family members or relatives really had any idea it was happening... ugh..

[Izzy_*now*]

Ouch! This just appalls me! I'll never think of Gibson the same again.

As much as I was physically and emotionally abused and my self-esteem. etc. took a nose-dive, I don't recall EVER hearing words like that hurled at me, about me!

When I look back, it was scary, with the tone and the words, but I realize now that any rages were "for my/our benefit"--my dad raging around the farm about "What did I ever do to deserve 5 lazy little bas***ds  like Ï have!"

Even overheard, the rants can shake a person.

The N would rage at inanimate objects that tripped, burned, annoyed, whatever ,to HIM and it was these totally foul-mouthed, 5-10 minutes, sometimes, rages that made me 'cower inside from fear', reminiscent of my father.

It does take its toll.

[lighter]

I haven't listened to more than chopped up clips on tv...... I believe the girlfriend when she says Mel knocked her front teeth down her throat while she was holding their child.

I wish she'd have called the police and had him arrested when it happened.

Such a terrible thing.

[bearwithme]

Dear Mel,

I'm so dissappointed in you!  How awful.  I adored you and now I'm disgusted by you....

Bear.

You know, I could hear how upset he was in this audio.  I could hear rage and low self-esteem that he can not deal with. It comes out sideways as jealousy and hatred.  His voice shook at the end when he said "I DON'T LOVE YOU, I DON'T LOVE YOU"  He obviously does love her deeply but doesn't have the tools to shut off his rage and anger at his ownself.  He is angry to the core about something else and it has ruined his life and shattered his girlfriend.

I think it's really sad.

[Gaining Strength]

In my case, my NM never gave me a chance to build my self esteem, she made sure she destroyed it first, making it hard to see, feel and indentify her verbal abuse (which was very subtle, undermining, insulting, belittling and critical). It took me years to see it and no recording would make it necessarily obvious like the tape above.  And, no one, teachers, family members or relatives really had any idea it was happening... ugh..

What you write about here absorbs me.
It has been so difficult for me to see the very same thing and my brothers who received abuse though in differing amounts don't see it either.
One of my great pains that I have not yet overcome is the blindness with which my aunts, uncles, grandparents, and other relatives and my parents friends chose to overlook what was going on.  The loneliness of knowing that my present understanding of the intolerable mental abuse that I experienced was not and to this day would not be acknowledged.  This is an agonizing struggle for me - the torment and destruction for me that went completely unnoticed and today, if I brought it up would actually evoke anger and contempt and dismissal.  Clearly this is something that I must work on and get to the core of.  It haunts me and it controls me.

I am so glad you wrote about it.

[Hopalong]

Nothing excuses abuse but he does have an awful lot of reasons to be crazy:

bipolar
crazy sick Holocaust-denying hyper-Catholic (e.g., woman hating) father

Well, that's quite a bit right there...

And getting rich and famous probably didn't exactly offer him the opportunity to view himself in the mirror that becoming whole from that kind of origin would demand.

All in all, easy to loathe him ... but still, the toxicity does make sense.

Sad all around. The big loser?  The baby.  As ever.

Hops

[Ales2]

I just heard another tape - and was surprised at how calm the woman sounds while he rants on and on ....makes me wonder if there is something not right about that, sad to say, but i feel a set-up of some kind.

after hearing the tape again, bi-polar with a streak of impulsive anger gets my vote. (sorry Dr. G, we are all armchair therapists now;). I figure he's been able to stay in business relationships or the long marriage, simply because he correctly identified the weakness in the person who would put up with his antics...and this time he was wrong in his choice. 

[seastorm]

Mel's ranting sounds so over the top that it is in the realm of serious mental illness. His life is in a shambles, his marriage is on the rocks and they are fighting over custody. The whole mess is being evaluated by the whole world on television and the Internet. I think he is very sick and needs help and she needs to get to a safe place. The abuse he is heaping on her comes from a deep well of self hatred and projection.

He has ruined himself. This must be his rock bottom. As for his wife, she stayed for months after this tape was made. The cycle of abuse must have had a time of reconciliation. What a nightmare for both of them, and very dangerous for her.

[Ales2]

From what I understand, Oksana is the girlfriend, not the wife. I don't really think she "stayed" - from what I can gather they've lived in separate residences for the past two years, so she is by herself when his rants are over. The rants mostly take place over the phone - which is not to say its not harmful, but I think the immediate danger is not present, although he does threaten to "come over there" to set her straight.   Anyway, I watched waaaayyyyyyyy too much Nancy Grace last night......

It is disturbing to see that a victim could be punished by the courts, but I think the tape(s) counts as evidence in her case (assuming its admissable, taped conversations must have formal consent from both parties in CA to be admissable. I doubt Gibson consented to having these rants on tape) and neither side can leak evidence, its probably a contempt of court issue.  But, sad yes, when victims are punished, but at the same time, victims have to obey court rules as well or the process doesn't work.

Its scary. But its a good example to others of what verbal and emotional abuse sounds like.



 

[teartracks]

I remember hearing several co-actors of Mel say that he was a skilled practical joker.  Then one day I saw him in interview apologizing for having been a practical joker.  The interviewer asked why he'd quit playing practical jokes.  He replied that he'd been made to understand that a standard feature of practical jokes was that they always victimize the other person in some fashion.  

I've learned there are some things you can't reason/talk with effectively. a drunk, a rebel, an addict high on drugs, mental diseases such as Schizophrenia, and other forms of mental disease where treatment is ineffective. unavailable or refused.  I'm sure there are other states of mind, body and spirt where reason can't be introduced effectively, but these came to mind.   If Mel Gibson has a drinking problem (as has been reported over the last few years), his girlfriend was wasting her time trying to do anything but get to safety and make sure responsible others knew that she was in jeopardy.   Since when has a drunk shown concern for the safety of others?  BTW, I haven't looked at the video so if I sound uninformed about the details, I probably am.

tt




 

[seastorm]

How True.
About arguing with certain people. In a way this being played out in the media is highlighting the dynamics of abuse. Even someone who is esteemed as an heroic character is capable of abusing his partner. The media feeding frenzy is pretty repugnant. Rarely do we see reality being played out so down and dirty.

Sea storm