WOWZERS!!!!!!!!!You might have to read your last post - and then compare it to some just a few weeks ago. I was struck with how far you've come, impressed with how you've accomplished some of your main goals that (to me) it seems we discussed not so long ago and by how free you are now, from the old double-bind loops and emotional mind-games.
Connection - is necessary, along with communication of your needs and having a reasonable expectation that those needs will be met, to resolve the issue at Social Security. Paperwork is just a formality. You've got that under control and sailed through resolving the problem, with ease.
Autonomy - in a very real experiential way, autonomy is "doing what you have to do" without letting the old emotional loops get in the way and prevent you from doing them. They are still there - as you've recognized - but they've been de-fanged and stripped of their "magical" power.
Self-Efficacy - You realized your crisis; you defined goals; you made a plan - and you are carrying it out! You KNOW you can rely on yourself, trust yourself now.
And not even seeing your father - or experiencing the same old, same old with him - was big enough or powerful enough to stop you from carrying on; it didn't set you back. That's like meeting the devil face to face and ignoring his whispered lies which caused the fear in the first place. BRAVO!! [APPLAUSE!!]
That is EXACTLY the place you've been saying you wanted to get to, and from what you've described I think you're THERE.
That said, I also know that this is still very tough; it still hurts; and it's still very scary. In fact, I know from my own experience that even the accomplishments can generate a bit of fear about reprisals, the other shoe dropping, progress being wiped out - ETC. None of the things I feared were based on anything except the old thought-pattern of fear. Nothing "bad" happened as a result of me moving out of the past and into the new.** Now you know, that in reality, "negative" is only right half the time - and perhaps even less - if we give in to the fear and start to doubt ourselves and our abilities.
But, it's got to feel good - new and good - to know that you've done all this yourself. And rather than looking back at the "old" - which you already know better than you want to know - keep patting yourself on the back for this new good in your life and take a few minutes to cross off one goal on the list, while you add a new one (the next step).
** That's not saying that unpleasant, unwanted experiences don't happen to everyone. They do. But it doesn't happen on the scale or level of the mental/emotional difficulty inherited from our FOO. We've had more issues with bills because of our move than we've had in 10 years. The post office didn't forward a couple - the biller assessed late charges on the next bill; I sent payment and explained what had happened. The late fees were waived. Then, just last week we got a collection notice... one of hubby's cell phones was charged to a card co. that was sold (and so the auto-payments didn't go through)... I was angry, initially, because I kept reminding him to deal with it; but forgot his intention was to end the service in Sept to avoid a drop out penalty - and of course, we've been a little busy (to understate it for effect) this summer, to remember something that was just a few lines on a bill we weren't getting anymore...
Oh... and what we've been through with the vehicles!! I didn't realize I needed a degree in interstate commerce to complete this transfer!!
So yes, I agree with you 100% on your definition of what a bad day is! Managing those reactions is necessary for a good outcome, dealing with these kinds of things, I find. Not a guarantee, mind you - just very, very helpful.
So when's the celebration planned for????
