Ya know, the fact that there is a definition of a "technique" that is used to try to "connect" to a patient/client/human being... doesn't eliminate the possibility of real caring when the "technique" is practiced. To me, I guess I'm saying that it's less important the reason why a connection is made between two people... than it is, that a connection is made at all. In the context of a book on psychotherapy, it makes sense that this frequent event between people is described this way - as a technique.
River, I can see how you might feel that use of a "technique" like this makes your interaction with your T some kind of science project instead of just two people together. But I also think we do this without thinking about it, all the time. For example, parents and kids... kids can get bored, restless and start picking fights with each other unless there is some structured activity breaking up an unstructured day. Parents will try to connect with the kid to find out if they're looking for physical activity, intellectual stuff - something "new" to them, or maybe they're ready to have a story read to them - the comfort of previously learned "comfort" routines.
If I am with a friend who's been upset by something, I (unconsciously, I guess) try to let them get out all the talk about it - the he said, she said details of the plot of the "story" - all the while listening with that part of my brain (again - it's not intentional) that can "hear" the emotional insult, or wound... and that can hear where it is. Sometimes, pride has been wounded. Sometimes, it's an expectation that was shattered. Sometimes - it's more a primary emotion from a pretty solid self-concept that seems to be strangling the person inside with each piece of evidence that apparently "confirms" that self-concept, which may/may not be totally accurate and they want me to think objectively for them; 'coz they're too emotional to do it on their own. And sometimes it's so many emotions, all I can do is just hug them, till they are ready to go on. That's the caring, empathetic side - the real feeling side - of the statement that struck you.
The description you posted is also how the experts define the bonding between a mom & her infant. In that process, a mom sort of "lends" her Rbrain to the infant as a pattern for the infant to develop, grow, and create the structure and ability to self-manage their own Rbrain - their emotions. At least, this is what happens with successful bonding or attachment. When something goes wonky in that process - at that age - then there's some "faulty programming" in the growing child. It can be overcome through interaction with others - at any age - so, I guess what I understand (and maybe no one agrees with this; that's OK) is that trying to make a connection with a patient in a therapy setting is one of the main reasons for even engaging in therapy. It IS an assessment tool for the therapist - it helps the therapist understand the capacity of the patient to connect to others; whether there is much fear in connecting, etc. Just like it would be for a parent-child relationship.
And I think overall, it's a GOOD thing, you know?
