On a computer now so I rant..........
First of all, I think I told you all that my cancer spread and was officially labeled "mestatic sarcoma..." Stage IV. Like I said in my previous post, I am involved in a clinical trial up at Mayo in Minnesota. Apparently I am ahead of the game and am probably the poster child for this treatment. They gave me the experiemental drug with adriamyacin (the red devil...) I am done with the Red Devil so my hair is growing back and I have more energy than I have had in the last year + . I am traveling up again on Tuesday. It is a three and 1/2 hour drive and I often make it up and back in a day. The chemo does not kick my butt so I do it alone. Occasionally I will stay in a hotel across the street. The last time I was alone and LOVED IT!! I am never without a dog or child or husband, etc.
Meanwhile, my nmom's mom (my grandma) just passed at 95. We have had quite a year. My cancer, my dad died suddenly, my husband was laid off twice due to the economy, my cousin's husband died suddenly six weeks later and six months later my husband's dad died suddenly. We had to put our dog down, my cancer came back and my grandma died. So I was looking to God with much anger and resentment. Why oh why?? But I went to visit friends from junior high. One had a stroke five years ago at the age of 45 and I saw how much faith and diligence that family had during her ordeal. I finally gave in and apologized to God. Then, I got my good news about the tumor and my husband got a good job.
When I got sick I point blank asked my mom to give me my inheritance NOW since she would probably outlive me. She basically said NO, but gives me little bits as I beg. That is her MO. She never gives unless you beg.
Also our business that has been a source of contention between us for sixteen years is failing. The folks from the marketing group we use point blank told her she needs to close. When my cancer came back I told her I would NEVER WORK WITH HER AGAIN!!
She is going through the motions of "selling." It is all bogus. She has no plans to sell. She is just playing the game as she always does. She doesn't hesitate to write out a $100,000 check to keep the business going (good money after bad) but won't give my brother or I anything unless we beg then it is just enough to keep us from going under but not enough to be comfortable.
Oh, well. Again, you can tell she is getting dementia but she won't hear of having herself tested, etc. SHe says things like, "you wish i had alzheimers." or "you wish blah blah blah....." I told her I wouldn't wish her to get dementia because then I would have to take care of her and that would NOT be fun!! Paranoia.
I am sorry I haven't been on in so long. I have only one laptop and my daughter pretty much takes it over for hours at a time.......
Love to you all....Kelly
