Author Topic: Sorry to moan, just want to let off steam  (Read 1647 times)

Twoapenny

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Sorry to moan, just want to let off steam
« on: December 24, 2010, 02:45:19 AM »
Sorry guys, I just want to let off some steam in a place where I know people get it :)

I've posted about my sis leaving her husband recently.  He is one of the 'control through threats and intimidation' brigade, much like my mum and step-dad.  When my sis was married I didn't slag him off to her; as far as I'm concerned she's an adult and who she dates/marries/lives with whatever is her business and not mine.  But I have always thought he treated her badly, I just kept it to myself.

Anyway, the police told him to stop hassling her and that if he contacted her again they'd arrest him, so he changed tactics and he's getting the kids to run messages to her.  The eldest daughter, who I posted about the other day, is being vile and it's all coming from him, he's bought her a car and is giving her money; basically he's paying her to be a bitch to her mum.  He took the younger boy's phone when he was asleep and sent vile text messages to my sister on that, so she thought it was her son saying things, and he's spreading rumours about the new chap and stopping her friends/work colleagues etc in the street to tell them things about her that aren't true.

He's texted me several times and I've just ignored him but yesterday I just lost the plot.  I called him back and screamed and shouted so hard down the phone at him that I left myself with a sore throat and a headache.  I called him every name under the sun and what I threatened to do to him if he contacted me again isn't printable.  What made me so angry is that the cowardly piece of dirt backed down instantly and kept saying sorry, sorry, I won't do it again,  He's so big and brave when he's intimidating people who are already scared of him but stand up to him and he crumbles.  Moron.

Like so many of you, I find Christmas hard.  It's a time for relaxing with family and being thankful for the people in your life.  I don't have a family; I am related, either by birth or marriage, to a collection of people who are utterly selfish and have no positive or vibrant qualities about them.  There is no one in my family I want to see or speak to; in fact, I never want to see or speak to any of them again.  Like most of you, I get through the period by focusing on what I do have, keeping it quiet and just getting through it as best I can.  I was so angry yesterday I was shaking by the time I got off the phone.  I couldn't sleep last night and I've woken up this morning (it's Christmas Eve here) feeling sick and light headed (because I was too wound up to eat last night).

I am no longer going to be nice to people just for the sake of being nice; from now on people will have to show me that they have good qualities before I extend them my warmth and generosity.  I am not going to keep my opinions to myself; I'm tired of thinking about other people's feelings all the time when so few of them think about mine.  The best thing about yesterday is that I FOUND MY VOICE.  I really let him have it both barrels and I am glad it was one of the few times I've actually been able to scream and shout and kick off at someone.

Thank you for reading all of that.  I'm sorry it's so long.  I feel better just for having written it down.  Thank you to all of you for being there, and for understanding.

sKePTiKal

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Re: Sorry to moan, just want to let off steam
« Reply #1 on: December 24, 2010, 06:44:44 AM »
Hey Tupps! WOW....!!!!!

Good on you for letting him have both barrels! And you're right about the moron part, too I think. Hooray for finding the fireball and launching it at him... can't think of any who might deserve it more (tho' I'm sure there are candidates, sadly).

As far as Christmas - and family - it's been 10+ years since I made the holiday trip to visit my FOO. It wasn't worth all the driving we did... for all the drama... and I felt so bad for hubs, that we ended up staying in a motel. He's not used to subtexts and that unspoken level of hostility. So we don't even think about doing it anymore. It's hard enough to find a day to get together with his family - because they have multiple family obligations, the kids are getting older and involved in activities or someone's working the holiday shifts. The past couple of years, we've scheduled that get together on or around Old Christmas - Jan 6 (which happens to be my D's birthday). And since we've moved, we're in a location that officially celebrates the 6th as Christmas, and the whole week, traditionally.

This year, with two memorial services this month for MIL - who was the center of the holiday celebrations - we've all retreated back to our homes and are once again looking to January for our holiday get together. Which is a long explanation to say - that HEY! I'll be around online... and I already suggested that we have an online Christmas party anyway... so that no one has to be "alone". I'll drop in every so often and see if anything is going on...
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

JustKathy

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Re: Sorry to moan, just want to let off steam
« Reply #2 on: December 24, 2010, 01:21:53 PM »
Quote
the cowardly piece of dirt backed down instantly and kept saying sorry, sorry, I won't do it again

How typical. Always the first thing out of their mouth, and ten minutes later, they're doing it again. Maybe now he'll think twice before he pulls another shameless manipulation. Good for you for standing up to him and giving him what he had coming. I proud of you!  :D

Hopalong

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Re: Sorry to moan, just want to let off steam
« Reply #3 on: December 24, 2010, 04:33:23 PM »
(((((((((((Tupp))))))))))))))

more


((((((((((((Tupp)))))))))))))

love,

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: Sorry to moan, just want to let off steam
« Reply #4 on: December 24, 2010, 10:41:01 PM »
So glad you found, and are using, your voice (((Tup.)))

Happy Holidays: )

Lighter

Twoapenny

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Re: Sorry to moan, just want to let off steam
« Reply #5 on: December 29, 2010, 05:32:42 AM »
Hello all,

Thank you for your kind words, as always :)

I've thought about this a lot over the last few days.  In the past I've always been very ashamed of myself when I've 'lost control' like that - ie, not been quiet, polite, mindful of others feelings, careful not to upset or offend and so on.  But now I'm feeling that, if someone keeps being rude to you, it's okay to snap back and really go for it.  My sis and I don't see eye to eye on a lot of things but I really can't stand bullying and I hate that sort of cowardly stuff via text and email - if you've got something to say, say it to my face!  Easy to be brave when you're typing rather than speaking directly.

So all in all I'm glad I got it off my chest and didn't let it fester inside me all over Christmas.  My sis has had less hassle; still some from her daughter but not from the rest of the family.  Also had a male friend last night tell me to ring him if I get any problems and he will go round there and have a word; he dislikes men hassling women and said he'd be happy to go round there and deal with it if necessary, so that was a nice thing to hear.

So thank you all for your kind words and good advice, as usual!  It's like a one-stop rescue shop on these boards!! :)