Need strngth, he just e-mailed me

[Lupita]

I need him so much, he just e-mailed me, he is just asking me to pick me up for tomorrows dance. As if nothing has happened. He said that if he does not hear from me he will understand that I do not want to go.

I need to answer him. I need to punish him. He made me suffer so much. It has been a horrible week.

Oh god, help me get away. Help me walk away, I need him so much and I love him so much!!!!

Friends, tell me something, my heart is broken.

[lighter]

OK.....

here's what I have to tell you.

Doing the same thing over and over,

and expecting a different outcome,

will make you crazy.

I suppose you could change your expectations of the man, and outcome, you could have some sort of relationship that didn't keep tearing you apart like this.

OK, here's another saying that might help:  We are where we want to be.
Does that have any meaning for you, Lupe?

How about this saying? When the pain of staying becomes worse than the pain of going, then we leave.
(((Lupita)))  I'm so sorry you're struggling right now, but I see these days as your journey..... all learning experiences for you.

Not just one painful event, after another.

This is your journey, and you have to decide what you're going to learn, and change, along the way.

You have choices, my dear.

Lighter

[Izzy_*now*]

Dear Lupita,

You are allowing him to put yourself through HELL!

He is playing with you as a cat plays with a mouse. A cat will chase it and bat it, spend hours reaching under a chair for itmaybe let up at bit as the mouse crouches in fear under the chair and dares to not come out, then the cat is back to harass it, scratch it, wound it, maybe let up a bit again, then go back at it, as the mouse becomes weaker and weaker and the cat could care less as the poor little mouse just gives up and dies.

...then the cat eats the mouse!

...and finds another one to harass!

He is not worth the anguish you are experiencing.

IF you answer him, make it "F*** OFF< LOSER!"

Best wishes, lupe
Love
izzy

[CB123]

Lupita,

Tell your self the story of what will happen tomorrow night:

Tell yourself that he will pick you up and he will be so appealing and you will be so happy to be with him.

Then you will be dancing and he will do all the things that he has done in the past that make you crazy--leave you on the dance floor to show someone else how to dance.  Flirt with someone right in front of you.  Leave you sitting at the table while he dances with someone who appears to be laughing at your discomfort.

Picture yourself kicking yourself for falling for it again.  Picture yourself wishing you could go back and say "no" when he called.  Picture yourself wishing you could go back....

Oh!  You are back!  You arent there yet.  You havent said yes.  You can let this be the second chance that you will wish for tomorrow night.

Love
CB

[sKePTiKal]

I need him so much, he just e-mailed me, he is just asking me to pick me up for tomorrows dance. As if nothing has happened. He said that if he does not hear from me he will understand that I do not want to go.

I need to answer him. I need to punish him. He made me suffer so much. It has been a horrible week.

Oh god, help me get away. Help me walk away, I need him so much and I love him so much!!!!

Friends, tell me something, my heart is broken.

NO. You don't need him if being with him makes you miserable - like you said (and not being with him also makes you miserable - like you've also said).

You don't need to punish him, either. You may WANT to a whole lot - but all that does is keep the back & forth going.... back & forth.

He left you alone - that doesn't compute in my way of thinking as "making you suffer". You did that all by yourself. As the Buddha pointed out: desire is the cause of all suffering. You want what you can't have - to make him different. He is what he is and you either accept him that way... or you move on.

And how is it possible you "need" him - now - when just a few weeks ago you'd had enough of him for a lifetime??? And never wanted to see him again???? In my experience, when I start telling myself I "need" someone - it's just a way to BS myself into being dependent on someone for meeting a "need" that I should be fulfilling on my own. And it's never a good idea to 100% dependent on any one other person for how we feel about ourselves - ever. But maybe you meant you "want" him, instead? And want him to be different?

But what I think doesn't count Lupita. None of us here knows "what you should do" either. Personally, I'd feel responsible (and bad; guilty) if I gave you any more advice in this situation and you acted on it and it turned out badly for you.

It's your life - it's you and a decision to make about M - and only you can make it. You pays your nickel and you takes your chances.... no matter WHAT you decide there is no "right" or "wrong" about it.... only what you WANT.

[Izzy_*now*]

Hi Lupita

Here is a very good video on psychopathy.

Listen closely and watch the faces of people you know (of) 'pop up' at the appropriate times. See if you are surprised at those considered to be a psychopath. I was not, and one Canadian is on the video..."the long-haired blond girl with 'dead' eyes"... Karla Homalka. She is out of prison now and loose under a different name.

....but look at the Politicians. They have not only ruined lives, they have ruined Countries!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgGyvxqYSbE&feature=player_embedded#!

[Redhead Erin]

HE wants attention.  Ignoring him is the best punishment you can give him.

On a practical note, set you e-mail filter to automatically trash any of his messages that come in, before you even see them. Gmail has a feature that will do this for you, and I know many other e-mail services do, too.  It will help you to not even know when he sends you something, then you will have nothing to react to. l

[Hopalong]

Yes to blocking email.

You are not a fish.

I think you do have the strength.

It's addiction and dependency, not love. I think you know this....

Love Lupita. Love Lupita.
Do what is best for her in the LONG term.

xo
Hops

[Lupita]

Well, he acted as if nothing happened, he sent me a text message that said he wanted to take me to the dance as his only dance partner.

I answered him.

I said:

Thank you for the offer but I need to be able to leave or stay at my convenience and not depending on somebody else. I will drive my self.

That was my asnwer.

He replied:    OK

Just as if nothing happened. I need to be strong. I need to be strong. I need to be strong. I need to be strong.
 Went to T today and she said until when am I going to continue this.
I did not know what to answer her. I said I need him. She said many things. It was hard to understand. My soul was somewhere else.
The rare thing is that when I saw M’s e-mail I started crying with so much pain. Instead of feeling released because he finally wrote me, I felt so painful, as if something was stabbing me on my chest.
Despite that he wrote me I felt abandoned. I felt so bad. I cried.

My brain tells me I need to walk away. My heart tells me I love him. T tells me how can you love somebody who treats you like c*it?

I said, it is like having my mother with me. I don’t want to lose my mother.

She said, why do you want to have your mother when you are after 50 years old?

I said, I cannot afford to come here every week, I need a group with people that I cann see and talk all the time.

She promised to find a group for me.

I found a group but the T in charge wants to interview me first before she can decide if I can fit her group.

The interview is today at 4 pm. I will leave my apartment in 15 minutes to go there.

God help me. God make me strong.

I need to be strong.

[Lupita]

Thank you to those who responded. Iz story of the mouse is horrific. I feel like a mouse with him. I think he was tortured by his parents the same way and that is why he does it to me. It is so sad.

[JustKathy]

Just as if nothing happened.

This is how abusers are. They rip your heart out, even physically harm you, and two hours later they will act as though nothing ever happened. Perhaps, in the abuser's mind, nothing DID happen. After all, it's typical behavior for them. You're the one with the problem, not him.

You said that you need him. You DON'T. You need a loving and supportive person by your side, not someone who repeatedly hurts you. The longer you stay with him, the worse it will get. I sense that you may have some self esteem issues (as most of us who are victims do). Please don't sell yourself short. There are plenty of really good men out there who would love to be with you. Life is short. You deserve happiness. Please keep your options open.

[lighter]

The thing is, Lupe.......

at this point, knowing what you know about M......

you're not a victim if you go back.....

you're a volunteer.

Believe me, if you stay strong, you'll have a much better time when you see him around.

He'll probably court you like you're brand new, go out of his way to draw you back.

Wouldn't it be nice to let him do that, and NOT go back?

Wouldn't it be nice if you began seeing a very nice man, who treated you well, and M had that smack him in the back of the head, when he thought he was still drawing you back in?

That could be your life, Lupita.

The choices are yours.

What happened at the Group T Interview?

Lighter

[Lupita]

She did not let me join today. She said she needs to let them know that they will have somebody else new and will join next week. She wants 125 a month for one session a week.
She insisted that I have sessions alone and she will charge 40 every other week.
It will be a huge effort on my part. But I am willing to try.
If that helps me not to go back to M.

I hope I do not melt in his arms tomorrow. I will dance with other people. I will, I will be strong.

[Izzy_*now*]

I  am sorry to ask this this, Lupita, but is this because the two of you have had sex and now you think this is FOREVER?

Respectfully
Izzy

[Lupita]

IZ, I will not answer that. It is out of place. Sorry.

Lastnight, for the first time in several weeks, I was laughing, by my self, home alone, just watching a comedy on TV. I was watching how I met your mother and two and a hakf man. But the one about how I met your mother, they trcking eachother, she wanted to have a girl and he wanted to have a boy and both were doing witch craft to get their desires true. It was hilarious. I did not laugh in a long time. I was relaxed. I did not have fear.
Today I just wook up and wook up with out fear.

I do not understand how this happen. I nee so much to grow up. I need not to feel unprotected, or that I have to have somebody to rpotect me. i can protect my self.

I just have to be normal. I need to be strong tonight. No option.