How do you feel when your Nmother dies???

[Anastasia]

Since I wrote on this board a few times and vented my frustration at my Nmother who belittled, abused and ridiculed me most of the time with smatterings of shows of caring--just enough to keep me on the string, so to speak.  Ahhh...so now my Nmother dies finally.  Yes, this same Nmother that I got roped into taking care of--and I did an excellent job of it, too--while she just decayed away and finally died (as we all should) of natural causes:  Old age.
I had to tolerate her abuse until about the last 2 years when she was alive because, by then, even she knew she needed me there.  Then I had some worth to her.  Before I was strictly a burden and something that reminded her she didn't want to be, which is a mother.
So, how do I feel now that my Nmother is dead?  Do I grieve?  Do I cry about all the cruelty I experienced due to her?  No, everything I ever wanted to ask or say I did during the 5-1/2 years I was stuck with her in the house.  Even tho she wouldn't answer me almost all the time, I could piece together how she felt about me (God, how I wish I hadn't had you as I never wanted to be a mother) and why she didn't protect me as I grew up from a sick stepfather (I just rather not be involved because then I would have to take some responsibility for actually doing something about it...and, frankly, Anastasia, I just don't care that much about you).
All my questions were answered by her silence or I just could piece the answers together from one bit of information or another.  I am at total peace with it.  I can move on.
No, there was no grieving when my Nmother died for me.  I just moved on like it was another day in my life and will do this for the rest of my life.
I feel relieved it is over.  I feel all my questions were answered, so I don't have to wonder any more why she was so abusive and allowed me to be abused by my stepfather.  I know and understand it now.
Granted, it isn't an answer anyone would particularly want, but it is what it is...and I can move on because I'm now free of her.  I accept what happened to me.  I accept what her motivation was.  I am free....movin' on....and moving on feeling liberated!!!!
 

[getnbtr]

keep movin' on, putting it behind you and feeling liberated and free. Treat yourself to something you have needed or wanted, you have been through so much and deserve to treat yourself well. You are right, it is what it is.

[Hopalong]

I felt relief, too, Anastasia.
Peace and relief.

No more unfinished business.

10 years as Cinderella was plenty.

I forgave her (but mine was NOT as mean as yours).

Freedom is lift's gift to you now, and you can expand to fill your own life now, and release her to the universe.

(Only the universe is big enough to settle her business. So you can release ... soul sigh, breathing again.)

Even some joy is normal. Like coming out of a cave, blinking.

Hops

[Baddaughter]

MY mom died 2/18/2011 -- it was a relief but the emptiness that I grieved about while she lived is still there -- and to say the words, it was a relief, are so foreign to everything I was raised to believe!

I miss good mommy where ever she is (mostly a few tattered good memories that I cling to) and I try to imagine that all the yucky parts of her got cleansed off on the way back to God -- just as I hope for mine.  Even so, I can't imagine her being part of "my Heaven!"  If she's there, it can't be Heaven! 

I decided to try and just be the best me I coudl be with what I have left of life -- but there is not one moment of my life that she is not still alive -- the damage is going on to the next generation even now.

So perhaps severe ones, like mine, never actually die  --  no doubt the immortality, however dubious, would please her.

You have my condolences my dear -- few people extended me any because our relationships were strained -- Sadly,, they didn't realize that we needed sympathy for what we had AND what we didn't have.

Love, Biddy

[Gaining Strength]

I miss good mommy too baddaughter, the one I never knew but for so long mistook or kept looking for in the one I got.
My child and I often wonder if we will me the one I did get.
I will miss something but I can't yet put my finger on it.  Is it only what could have been?  I think there is some other sliver of something but I can't figure it out yet.

My father - sort of the same.
He had so much potential in my eyes.
My brothers and I truly thought he was someone until his mental illnesses collopsed the successful underpinnings on which he stood.