Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Finding voicefulness......losing......finding.....practicing..
sKePTiKal:
Hey, muffin...
how do you feel about some feedback along with prayers for a job? I'm kinda grinning to myself reading your latest posts... you sound like you're in a pretty good space - headwise. These are just random responses...
the "no body" - "no mind" of meditation isn't totally literal... but sometimes the folks who're leading don't know that or just don't know how to explain that... think "transcend" instead "no"...
I hope you do read stories to kids - I think you'll find it very interesting and fun! (but remember these little humans can be a challenge, too!)
"someone to share the minutia with"... yes, I hadn't thought about it this way before; you're right... this is one of things we long for and expect from relationships/intimate connections with people... and I think there's another part of it too - having the other person care about YOUR minutia... you've just given me a way to explain what I mean when I say I want someone - hubs for instance - to spend some time in "Amber's World"... instead of always the other way.
Thank you, Muffin... I care about and enjoy reading about your minutia - and some of your loftier thoughts, too!
Meh:
I put on my new shirt, took a shower, put on my earrings and walked to my volunteer gig. It feels so good to get dressed up sometimes, it's different for me to enjoy the dress-up process. Usually I want to take my slacks off and put on a stretchy skirt and sit in the grass under a tree. I've decided to make a creative game out of finding low-cost outfits to wear to my gig. I got there and I thought yay, I'm the springy-est most cheerful person here- maybe it's not true but that is how I felt. The meeting was pretty interesting but I wish I was given more responsibility and at the same time I can't commit to anything major yet. I had to attend a city planning consortium about a project that I'm now working on and there wasn't a cohesive vision for the project, every person represents a different need and interest. I think a college intern will end up being the project manager for the job although I really wanted to volunteer for that responsibility. I'm not sure how to deal with this yet. I don't know if I should have volunteered or not because this is only my second time being there and I'm not the most knowledgeable, but I think I have a good general intuition of the issues because the conversation topics during the meeting were things that I immediately thought of as issues that needed to be addressed. I really only need to make a very minimal amount of money to secure an on-going space as a resident where I am. So I would work as much as they wanted me to for a very modest stipend. I didn't even really think about this.
I need something like that a modest stipend where someone pays me a dirt cheap wage to do a bunch of work that I love to do and it would be enough just to get my momentum going again.
I'm going to another theater performance tonight. YAY!!!
I'm about as happy as I can possibly make myself at the moment. It's a moderate happy--mainly based on having little things to look forward to.
I have to be careful what I say to people about my personal situation because it can't be interpreted very well. There is a component of the project that requires a dedication of someone's time but no person wants to put in the time. It's not going to start until May or June though and that is too late. It's very low budget until grant money comes in. I don't think I can squeeze myself into that role..
I would do as much work as they wanted me to do for a $200 monthly stipend. I know this has got to be appealing to someone. I'm desperate for any kind of work but real interesting work would be fantastic. Can they utilize me?
I wonder if I should tell the director my personal situation and tell her I will do any kind of work full time for a measly stipend.
I have great reservations about my own qualifications for being a project manager because I don't have formal qualifications.
I have worked in professional settings and I have taken non-violent communication classes etc. etc. I think I understand the challenges and what needs to be done in the position of project manager to make sure the goals are being met, good community relationships are being maintained etc. etc.
I don't know what I should do yet.
I have another idea. I need to go work on something. Will write more later.
Meh:
@Phoenix:
So you are thinking about "transcend" in a more sophisticated understanding of it-- that is different then "ignore the body" or non-attachment. I like attachment and passion because passion of some sort brings purpose and meaning into my life- that is where I diverge from Buddhism. "no body, no mind, no passion, blah blah"
What does transcend the body mean on that level. I like the idea of EXPAND. That is what I am trying to do personally EXPAND (not literally) but to expand my ideas of how I can find a niche for myself and EXPAND my openness to new opportunities.
"Transcend" seems at odds with tai-chi and body-centered practices- and I find the body centered stuff to be more effective for me.
What do you think?
If I was to embrace transcending the body I would have to think about the idea in a radically different way then I normally do because I have labored just to reconnect with my physicality and to take good care of my body and inhabit it.
People who have gone through some sort of abuse often have these strange detached relationships with their own body?
My experience is that calm, gentle, peaceful, ahimsa type behaviors get me into trouble-- for me I need to be fierce for my selfness.
I think I can use meditation as a tool but I essentially have belief system differences with it as a spiritual practice.
Reincarnation and eternal spirit are not ideas that I believe in. I believe in temporary spirit incarnated into a physical form.
There is falseness, if the woman leading the meditation group was deep into it wouldn't she not even dye her hair all blond? Just wondering.
No body, no clothes, no possessions, no religion too, no Buddhism...that's more zenish or something.
Oh well.
Meh:
Lets see there are all sorts of directions. There is transcend, there is descend, there is get rooted, get grounded, get centered, there is expand and contract/retreat. Is transcend to go beyond without leaving it behind?
Going Beyond.
Outside the box.
Breaking boundaries
I think transcend is moving into nothingness. Most house-holders can not be 100% nothingness.
Ouch my foot hurts----transcend?
I don't want to die----transcend?
I hate my mother------transcend?
Honestly, I have no intention of transcending anything, I use meditation for selfish purposes. It's really an attempt to make me feel better in some way. Even the Dali Lama says that Buddhism is against normal human nature....that is why I'm not into it 100%, it's contrived.
Hopalong:
MB:
--- Quote ---I wonder if I should tell the director my personal situation and tell her I will do any kind of work full time for a measly stipend.
--- End quote ---
imo, YES!!!!!
Speak!
(Below...everyone has insecurity. And perhaps you don't. BUT, imo, the second part is worth articulating to her regardless of whether you get the job--you can't control the outcome, just the decision to speak or not...because it's practice for confident interviewing. Okay to release the outcome, and realize that you are just in that choice, practicing comfortable speech in your behalf. A good, positive experience of being comfortable as your own advocate.)
I have great reservations about my own qualifications for being a project manager because I don't have formal qualifications.
I have worked in professional settings and I have taken non-violent communication classes etc. etc. I think I understand the challenges and what needs to be done in the position of project manager to make sure the goals are being met, good community relationships are being maintained etc. etc.
Hope this made sense.
Hops
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