what to do now

[Lupita]

Dear friends, I have been seeing M in the dances. I dance with him. I fell in temptation once in this last two months. Only once. For valentine’s day.
M was so sweet and so pleasing. I was so hungry for love. I mean love, not sex. Just love.
The next dance I decided that I wanted to dance with the other guys like I had been doing. He thought that I was going to stop dancing with other guys. He got mad at me. He ignored me all Sunday and today. No e-mails, no calls, no nothing. He wanted to dance with other women at the beginning. He accused me of being jealous. Now I am dancing with other guys and he gets mad. We are not even boyfriend girlfriend. We are just seeing each other in  the dances. We do not have any activities together. ZERO. But I am so sad because he ignored me these two days. Why do I feel sad? I know that this man is not for me. I know that I will not get any love from this man. Why then am I so sad? Please, explain.
I am going to group therapy and it costs money. I have retaken my walking group and we did a walk yesterday. I had three guys very handsome and were willing to talk to me all the way of the walk. Still I felt sad. What is wrong with me.

[lighter]

(((Lupe))) I think you keep going back to old habits and coping skills......

taking the pain away by seeing M for instance.....

so you never don't get to the point where you find new healthier coping skills.

That's what I think.

Getting through the pain, without resorting back to the bad relationships, is what gets you to the next level.

I think.

Sorry it hurts so much.

Lighter

[Lupita]

Do you mean I should not talk to him at all? I have to dance with him.
But I do not have to get my self wraped in his emotional games again.
He is extremely selfish. Extremely selfish.

I need to build a wall against him. An emotional wall. There is no way i can stop seeing him. I do not want to stop dancing.

But I will not go again out with him. I have to be strong. I fell for Valentine's day. That was my mistake.

Still, he had no right to get mad at me for dancing with other guys, but he did. I need to forget about him. Today I will go dancing hoping that he will not be there.

Dear friends, help me out here. I feel very sad.

[sKePTiKal]

Lupita - dreams die hard and when they do, it's always sad. Even when, like now, you KNOW he's bad for you... when he's not nice, plays games and gets unfairly and unjustifiably angry at you, for not being under his control.

Just keep doing what you're doing - for you - and the sadness will one day go away. You'll feel other things then.

[Hopalong]

I'm sorry you're sad, dear (((((((Lupe))))))))).

love,
Hops

[lighter]

Lupe:

You were dancing with 4 other men the last time I looked.

How did you end up dancing so much with M?

He wanted you?

You let him pick you, like an apple gets picked off a tree?

You're not an apple, dear.

You're a woman who may choose to dance with whomever she likes.

If M wants to stomp around like a big toddler, kicking rocks and eating bologna samiches, ignore him, and keep dancing.

I'm sure everyone else will too.

Eventually.

This is really good practice for you.

How did it work out with your slumberparty friend?

Lighter

[Lupita]

My friend R does not come to my house anymore. After I told her no more sleep overs, she stopped coming to tango and calling me.
Last night I went dancing. I danced with seven different men. M was not there. I have not heard anything from him since Saturday. I had a good time. I was glad M was not there. It was relaxing and fun.
Next time he writes me I will not answer. I have to have the strength to not answer.

 

[lighter]

R and M both made choices.

Don't let them bully and manipulate you with their childish behavior.

They're only nice if you're doing as your'e told?

Ummm...... not anymore.

You're erecting boundaries, Lupita.

It feels lonely now, but you'll have more space in your life for real friendships with them gone.

The boundaries will help screen out people who aren't good for you.

Keep dancing, and looking for opportunity.

Keep walking, and counting your red dress blessings: )

Lighter