Sat 2/19 I got a call from a cousin to tell me father dying.
He has been moved home this past fall from nursing care by my absentee brother, who has now magically appeared and been caring for dad, sporadically for the past three years.
So baggage and judgments aside, I'm summoned to previous family home to participate in death of parent. I think they must have gotten some "bad press" from family, denying access to mother's recent passing (approx 350 days ago), so they deigned to allow us to see him suffer within days of actually speaking to other family members -- he just looked fearful and confused when I saw him, but okay. We went. I told him not to worry, that I was there and that "everything was going to be okay." Sister and I stayed briefly -- her kids got to "see" him, finally got rid of bro's new wife and ugly dog long enough to breathe and try to reassure. Then left. Brother is hostile and paranoid and we leave. I felt some closure and some relief that cousins seemed supportive and understanding of the "situation." I hear nothing from anyone until this past Thursday, hospice calls to tell me father has passed -- voice mail. None of them called. One of my friends from parents church finally called Fri night to tell me arrangements. But the manipulative folk from the family tree started a barrage of trouble making nonsense that I think was previously reserved for weddings!
Meanwhile, one of my co workers was in the midst of an incredible psychiatric emergency that I've no right to describe here, but subjected my entire work place to a cult of narcissism for about 10 days. Normally, this lady is not more narcissistic than the average whippersnapper but fueled by her illness, there was narcissism to burn. It was very stressful for about 10 days prior to death. So long about Friday, I Had to re group. Went to lunch with sister -- looked at pics together and laughed a little. (co worker committed from work)
Saturday I made up time I took Friday and regrouped at home today. We made a bunch of food for just the two of us, but I was really sort of making sure I was prepared in case of a condolence call. None came. Not from anyone. The cousin who was working as someone else's tool (sounds paranoid, right) finally called this evening and wanted to know how I could possibly skipped the viewing. "All those people were there to support me." I told her "it's over." I don't thnk she gets it. Anyone who went there was giving tacit approval of what has gone on. More power to them. Peace... Absolutely did not promise anything to anyone. I have never been more certain that they are crazy jackals who are on the scent of more blood. Meanwhile, a different crazy cousin knows a confidence about a mutual acquaintance who now believes I told the confidence, although I did not. And she called and screamed at me on Friday, instead of condoling as well. And I felt very bad for her and took her flowers because I love her and she needed cheered up. But I'm still hurt that she considers me a gossip and a Liar, when I'm convinced that he has "done it again." Because this is the stuff they do. He goes to church with her BEST Friend and it is a little country church and I don't think her Best Friend had any idea that anyone there would know her when she put her on the prayer list. So to save their gossping A##s, they scapedgoated me. And that is where all my hostile paranoia comes from, I guess. And I don't go to the church or know the best friend and hadn't seen the cousin until the dying dad visit when her secrets were way way off my mind.
Anyway, all is well as I'm ready for morning and ready to see what a new day might bring. This week has got to be better. Thanks for listening to my wild ravings. It is not as bad as it sounds when you take it in little bites. And I'm not as angry as I was last time. Thank goodness I don't have any more parents.
Oh! And we have lovely nibbles for the whole week too. So it's already looking better.
Love Biddy
