Voicelessness versus deafness

[Ales2]

Okay here is something I realized today. Over the years with my brother, I have not stood up for myself, spoken up for myself. Its the hardest thing for me to do. Now that I am getting better at it, I am also learning not to be troubled by the resulting loss of people who don't genuinely care enough to listen and make me feel heard. They can be controlling when they in turn can't openly discuss things. By attempting to silence me w/o reasonable consideration for the content/context they are then BULLYING and CONTROLLING me. 

This hurtful dynamic really inhibits my progress on so many areas of my life. Work, relationships, friends. I can't get anywhere in life w/o standing up for my myself. I think my success lies in finding tolerance and acceptance of my new voice.

[sKePTiKal]

Well done! This is a big realization, and if you look more closely at your bro...

ask youself... how many other people does he "not hear"? Chances are, it's not just you. That's just one more blow at first... but I'm finding that it's helping me understand, deep down, that it really wasn't ever me that was or had the "problem" that created the dysfunctional relationship. I wasn't so much voiceless, as I was not heard; not acknowledged; not validated. The result was the same, nevertheless.

You communicate just fine, to me!   

[SilverLining]

Hi Ales.   I was thinking about your post and then by chance came across this quote by philosopher Arthur
Schopenhauer:

“There is one thing that, more than any other, throws people absolutely off their balance – the thought that you are dependent upon them. This is sure to produce an insolent and domineering manner towards you . . .they soon fancy that they can take liberties with you, and so try to transgress the laws of politeness. This is why there are so few people with whom you care to become more intimate, and why you should avoid familiarity with shallow people.” (Schopenhauer)

Figuring out the dysfunctionality of my siblings has been a major revelation.   

[Ales2]

This is great thanks!