Where could the DO KNOW be at?

[Meh]

I'm simply going to ask myself where be the Do Know?

Thats enough for now. Just to ask the question.

Thata be the do know there. Arrrghh  

Hey, is that what John Lennon was talking about?

Let it Be, Let it BE, Let it be, Let it be

Absolutely, that is exactly what he meant.

The do know is in the exact same place where the Let it Be is I'm guessing.

Well at least I figured one thing out.

[sKePTiKal]

Now that you mention it - say it that way - YES... I too think the "do know" is exactly where the Let it Be is.

[Hopalong]

 

Wow, Boat.

That was some fine figuring!

Hops

[Meh]

Yeah, I figure I can figure anything.

Unfortunately my mind is working too hard right now, trying to do it's part like a good worker.

I should have done more letting it be today. I wish I had at least, would have been a very good day to get up out of bed, turn around and go back to sleep again.

It appears that I broke a toe this morning, I mean it's a bad luck day right, So I have a volunteer gig to do, and I like to go because it makes me feel important right, something that I lack so the lure of feeling important and compulsive dependability provokes me to walk onward to my gig where the particular organizer that day really doesn't appear to care if I'm there or not. I stayed because I can't wind down, cant relax, stay in bed. Someone at the volunteer shindig said that she thought I was "intuitive and wise and calm". HA HA HA HA Oh, Well.....maybe I have that effect on her for some unusual reason. It's because I'm faking it...I'm hurt and I'm faking...see it doesn't hurt! See you can't do anything to me, you can't hurt me, look at me, my face and my body says I'm calm...

I should have stayed put, gone nowhere, found some ice and devised an elevation mound of blankets for my foot and just LET IT BE for beejeezus sake.

Now it looks like my foot was struck by a rattlesnake, it looks like a liquefying rat thing.

I have broken a couple of other toes in athletic activities and it didn't look this bad.

I'm just too revved up like my life depends on me showing up. Anyways that's not the point of this post and I could have written it elsewhere I just wish I could have integrated the LET IT BE part a little more deeply into my psyche today.

Sometimes we all just need to LET IT BE,  towards ourselves, towards others towards life.

Please god just help me to LET MYSELF BE today.

Also I think I found a book that is related to my question. It was sitting outside at a used bookstore on the way back from my gig.
I'm trying to remember what it was called but it's something about Family and something about the DO KNOW.

One of those books that fall off the shelf right when you are walking by. But I didn't get it.

I had a plan it involved lots of walking tomorrow so there again more whoa just LET IT BE and LIFE on life's terms.  

[Meh]

The "I don't know" is not the end, not a pause, it's a beginning to moving on in the favor of the DO KNOW. I anticipate that the "I don't know will slowly be replaced with the DO KNOW as long as I keep thinking about the DO KNOW, I think I'm more likely to find it rather than focusing on the don't know.

I don't know is a phrase that I have uttered often....I even started singing I don't know....during a voice-lesson class.

The I don't know represents something for me. Maybe it represents fear.....sometimes it really does stand in for a blank...but the blank may not be a void as in a vacuum.

The I don't know is a statement of feeling lost in life, out of place, unwanted, unknown, unreal, or out of time, I don't know takes the place of a longer explanation or a lie to cover up feelings or awkwardness.

Maybe all I need to say as affirmation is I am allowed to......

I'm too tired right now. Let it Be.

[sKePTiKal]

If something doesn't feel "right" or is uncomfortable about your friend who can't stop being in his therapist mode... you probably DO KNOW that you oughta listen to and trust that intuition. No matter the reason, ultimately. Even if it's a mistake...

Even if his interest is platonic and benign... that might be a more complex relationship than you really want to be involved in right now; or you're really learning to appreciate your solitude - and the power of it... or something... and he's "rocking your boat".

The thing about boundaries... they're like fences... sometimes we put them waaaay out away from "us"... and sometimes they're closer in... they move, as we need them to. Sometimes they have gates - which might be locked and one has to ring a bell and ask permission to be admitted... sometimes the gate stands open. Do you think maybe it's the "DO know" that decides this distance of boundaries? I'm asking only coz I'm not sure myself.

[Meh]

Even if his interest is platonic and benign... that might be a more complex relationship than you really want to be involved in right now;

Uh, I think it would be interesting if you would elaborate more (as you are so good at doing) about --- COMPLEX RELATIONSHIP....

not so much about me making decisions part.....but about what you mean about the concept of complex relationships.

WHAT IS A COMPLEX RELATIONSHIP. complicated...? What do you think??.....?


Let's say it is "benign" as opposed to a malignant relationship HA-HA-HA
 
What makes it complex as opposed to a simple relationship??

Or complex aquaintanceship opposed to a simple aquaintanceship.

[sKePTiKal]

I don't know what that would be for you. I don't think there's any "absolute criteria" or classifications of relationships - in some respects, Let It Be... is a good policy and works out just fine.

I know, I've had... ummm.... well relationships, where it didn't fit into any neat category. Where we were friends... yes... but sometimes I noticed that I was getting "more" than that - sort of help from the universe via a friend. That's complicated; complex for me, as is the reverse - where the expectation was that I was going to be the supportive friend... but not get that much in return.

Then, there are the relationships where there are undertones, shadings, rumors of; perhaps expectations of reciprocity of a closer relationship than I was ready for - at that moment - and really didn't have the patience for (nor head-empathy-space) to allow at the time. I had other things on my list of priorities than exploring possible close relationships. Like me. Not a lot of "me" to go around at the time... and I didn't feel obligated to pretend to "share", you know?

It's a quagmire for me. I am not a party person either; and while I don't intentionally isolate myself... I do this effectively, in action, anyway... unless I can find a connection to someone; something in common that we share an interest in. But that's just me...

What I wrote was for you... because you can probably find the "do know" about this person in your thoughts and how that makes you feel... about this person. And what you were writing deserves some sitting with. That's all.

[Meh]

I have to take the word relationship out period. I hate that word. Lets just call it all "man gets himself some booty"

Heterosexual men don't have platonic interests in females, there is always at least a suppressed/repressed sexual motivation IMO from my every single observation of the human animal since I opened my eyes....the one thing that is a fact about this world is that men are horn-dogs and always prioritize one thing in their lives (their own self-image of their sexual prowess).

I verified that he is a therapist. Additionally one of his main areas of interest is substance addiction...sort of ironic somehow.

I bet he is a recovering alcoholic  

[Meh]

I don't know what that would be for you. I don't think there's any "absolute criteria" or classifications of relationships - in some respects, Let It Be... is a good policy and works out just fine.

Hummm....?  PR---- What are you not saying?

You think you were getting help from the universe?-- intelligent , synchronistic universe philosophy?

I Where we were friends... yes... but sometimes I noticed that I was getting "more" than that - sort of help from the universe via a friend. That's complicated; complex for me, as is the reverse - where the expectation was that I was going to be the supportive friend... but not get that much in return.

expectation was that you were going to be the supportive friend.....??

[Meh]

Do you think maybe it's the "DO know" that decides this distance of boundaries? I'm asking only coz I'm not sure myself.

Um I never answered this earlier...lets see I think the Do Know for me is very specific to me. But if someone else has a Do Know that is not my Do Know. That is what I Know.

I don't put boundaries in the area of My Do Know. They are different barns one red one white.

Hum......I think it's not only a question of personal boundary but of social etiquette. I sort of think it's intrusive that someone would give me unsolicited therapy (CONDESCENDING?)....

[Meh]

Where is the Do Know?

[sKePTiKal]

WHEW... that was quick and to the point processing! 

When your radar about ulterior motives goes off it's worth letting it have it's say in entirety. I think all of us, who've gone through weird FOO-crap have that radar... problem for me was, it took me a long time to believe that a.) it was smarter than the rest of my brain and b.) wanted to help protect me. Then, for me... it went too far to the other extreme; I refused to trust anyone to just be nice people. I don't feel very competent or confident about how I relate to people and I have flailed around a lot trying to find a comfortable space, in me... to be able to get to know people.

And well... the other extreme wasn't any more comfortable than feeling like I was easy pickin's for landsharks or wolves. I wasn't really - but I did crave "connection" and "recognition" from people - of both genders - and I didn't KNOW I wasn't easy pickin's... 'coz I didn't believe I had any right to shape, define, or set limits with other people - and yet I did do this, instinctively whether it was based on my radar... or something else.

And the reason I was trying very hard to fence-sit about this guy... is because I know for a fact that it is possible to be friends - sans the sex motive - with guys; fact is, it's much easier for me to have those kind of mutually supportive, platonic relationships with men than with women. I guess I expect the same kind of double-dealing I got from my mom, you know? And too often, people lived down to that expectation.

I've not had any problems telling guys - wait, hold on... slow down... I'm not ready for this or even to make statements like the one you think will drain you of assertiveness. In fact, that's sort of a "marker" for me... if they agree to back off - and really do it and still are friends... then I can let my guard down, a little more. Making a statement like the one you envisioned, at the right moment... (hell, even at the wrong one...)... is laying down a boundary, at the same time you're staying "I like you ---- enough for this kind of activity together; don't press your luck - I'm paying attention." It was like pracicing boundaries for me - and I got it as wrong as a person could, several times... before I started getting it "righter".

What I'm saying is not even advice, per se... coz only you can know what you're comfortable with. Just another person's way of looking at it, is all. I make no claims to how well it'll fit for you, work for you, or even if it's appropriate... just chatting through some of the issues, from my own experiences. You're free to tell me I'm full of it, and I won't get all huffy! I will however, commend you on the conclusions you're drawing about this particular guy... while I think even therapists deserve to engage in picking up women, forming relationships, etc... it would feel pretty creepy to me, the WAY he's going about it, too.

I'm gonna be gone for a few days; no internet unless I can work a tech miracle and I may not feel like or have time to attempt it. So, I'll have to catch up on the rest of your thoughts and what's goin on... next week. I think you have the situation squared away, all by yourself... sorry I butted in!

(((((Boat)))))

[Meh]

I don't respect a person who has an education in therapy and is using that in conjunction with the whole modern & shallow dating scene thing.

[Hopalong]

Good for you, Boat.
Good radar.
Smart move to look him up on FB and see how he presents himself.

What was he doing touching you on your leg?
What business is it of his to make intimate observations about your "feelings" when he doesn't properly have your permission?
Who cares what his profession is?
That's invading personal space and boundary trespassing regardless, imo.
My squick meter's going off, anyway...

My radar agrees totally with your radar. I don't know about the moral judgment about him--he's just flailing around--but I do think he's trespassing and in a subtle way, trying to take advantage of you.

You don't have to re-isolate or be rattled by him though. You are entirely capable, perceptive and smart.

You probably can't "make him see the wrongness of his behavior" though -- habitual predation in a man that age is an ooooooooold habit.

I'd just tell him, I'm not interested, thank you.
And if he persists, repeat (a bit louder).
He'll bug off.

Doesn't matter who or what he is, your sense of being invaded was good. New notion: good enough.
Maybe part of your challenge is to see that this fine functioning sense doesn't work TOO well, so you're too long upset about it. You have a right to just with dignity say No, stand up and exit to another seat (even if he's mid sentence). Maybe he's just there for you to practice that on. And if it rachets up, louder...

The next step might be, how much of my vital energy will I let him draw off, even worrying about it?

Hops