hi All,
Have you all, or any of you, read my initial Story on that site about how I don't know who I am? I have experienced many things and I suppose I could say that I have just been neutral about most. I never jumped for joy at anything, nor did I physically sink into a deep hole of despair at the opposite. If you read about me you will see that I admit that I am like a robot.
I bundle up little and big occurrences and put them away, to be hauled back into memory if needed. This is something that began when I was very little and abused, then in school and teased, then at work and being from a farm, then with Joe and the abuse, maybe then with the first accident and the lack of family support, and afterward with my daughter, who might not love me anymore when in a wheelchair, then(40 years later) I moved out here with an N and the abuse again, I left and then was struck down by a car and will be in pain the rest of my life. I lost 2 jobs. I have nothing to do, but sleep, eat, shop and keep my 2 computers going. I read plenty of books and watch many movies. I can even get the new ones on the computer. I hate going out, as it pains my leg to dress and I look deformed. Blah!
I can only sit so long then I lie down and read, maybe nap, then awaken and back to the computer and more reading, games, videos, dinner, and back to bed to read until I fall asleep. I can clean, shop, drive my car etc. but each movement brings a little pain, and any mistakes brings a large shot of pain.
I have only Karla, my physiotherapist who comes twice a week, at 4:30-6:00, Mon and Fri. Today is her 42nd birthday. In her card I said that she is the very nicest person I have ever met in my whole life----that is the truth------and that I hope that she is blessed in return for all the help and comfort she has supplied for others in need. Yep that's the robot! Nothing new! but I meant it.....(does that sound like I mean it from a cement box inside my head?)
She has her husband, her work, her N relatives, her yoga and we talk about all the pain she had when she was young, so I know she understands mine. I must concentrate on a hip area to do a certain exercise--- and I picture it there, I put my finger on it and jab , jab, jab, and say hip, hip, hip---------------------------- hooray as I raise my leg. We both break up laughing, because I never know when I'm going to say something silly. She was stretching me once, I passed some gas, and she flipped backwards off the bed onto the floor, as if I'd blown her to Kingdom Come! We are a GOOD PAIR.
i VOLUNTEERED GOT lITERCY PROJECT, BUT HAVE HEARD NOTHING. DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE, BUT AS i WAS AWAKENING FROM AN EARLY NAP, I WAS MOVING MY LEGS AROUND AND THE THOUGHT CAME TO ME ABOUT
üNFINISHED bUSINESS"--- A GOOD TITLE FOR A BOOK; I HAVE UNFINISHED BUSINESS AND IT WILL REMAIN SO, WITH MY BEING CLUELESS, BUT THE VERY LAST OF UNFINISHED BUSINESS IN DYING. tHAT'S ALL TAKEN CARE OF EXCEPT FOR THE ACTUAL DYING.
I STILL HAVE DOCTOR TO SEE, A CLAIM TO SETTLE , A LESBIAN DAUGHTER WHO WON'T WRITE, BUT ALL OF THIS IS TUCKED AWAY IN MY HEAD WHEREBY IT IS AS IF IT ISN'T THERE, AND i WILL ONLY PULL IT OUT WHEN IT IS NECESSARY...................omg ...caps..I didn't see them, got carried away. please read anyway I do make mistakes
So, I started to write
Unfinished Business today and have single spaced onto page three. I think I need a proof reader, or co-writer to spruce me up, but still tell the truth, as I have always told MY truth and will definitely not embellish, expect i am not too good with adjectives.
Will someone accept a copy and tell me what you think---it is robotic, or what, yet I haven't really got into some things that really drove me mad or------maybe it will just be a 1 copy only for the Estate (daughter who will not write to me, and she will not be in it, other than an odd mention)---I think I want the robot to express herself--otherwise how did she get through all these messes without bitching and complaining? and everyone saying how wonderful I am!
Love
Izzy
re the picture=--at least I am always sitting down, but many years ago, I always checked that view.
