Author Topic: Good Lord! It's Izzy again! Unfinished Business!  (Read 2418 times)

Izzy_*now*

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1688
  • Beer is living proof that God loves us
Good Lord! It's Izzy again! Unfinished Business!
« on: June 29, 2011, 10:21:57 PM »
hi All,
Have you all, or any of you, read my initial Story on that site about how I don't know who I am? I have experienced many things and I suppose I could say that I have just been neutral about most. I never jumped for joy at anything, nor did I physically sink into a deep hole of despair at the opposite. If you read about me you will see that I admit that I am like a robot.

I bundle up little and big occurrences and put them away, to be hauled back into memory if needed.  This is something that began when I was very little and abused, then in school and teased, then at work and being from a farm, then with Joe and the abuse, maybe then with the first accident and the lack of family support, and afterward with my daughter, who might not love me anymore when in a wheelchair, then(40 years later) I moved out here with an N and the abuse again, I left and then was struck down by a car and will be in pain the rest of my life. I lost 2 jobs. I have nothing to do, but sleep, eat, shop and keep my 2 computers going. I read plenty of books and watch many movies. I can even get the new ones on the computer. I hate going out, as it pains my leg to dress and I look deformed. Blah!

I can only sit so long then I lie down and read, maybe nap, then awaken and back to the computer and more reading, games, videos, dinner, and back to bed to read until I fall asleep. I can clean, shop, drive my car etc. but each movement brings a little pain, and any mistakes brings a large shot of pain.

I have only Karla, my physiotherapist who comes twice a week, at 4:30-6:00, Mon and Fri. Today is her 42nd birthday. In her card I said that she is the very nicest person I have ever met in my whole life----that is the truth------and that I hope that she is blessed in return for all the help and comfort she has supplied for others in need. Yep that's the robot! Nothing new! but I meant it.....(does that sound like I mean it from a cement box inside my head?)

She has her husband, her work, her N relatives, her yoga and we talk about all the pain she had when she was young, so I know she understands mine. I must concentrate on a hip area to do a certain exercise--- and I picture it there, I put my finger on it and jab , jab, jab, and say hip, hip, hip---------------------------- hooray as I raise my leg. We both break up laughing, because I never know when I'm going to say something silly. She was stretching me once, I passed some gas, and she flipped backwards off the bed onto the floor, as if I'd blown her to Kingdom Come! We are a GOOD PAIR.

i VOLUNTEERED GOT lITERCY PROJECT, BUT HAVE HEARD NOTHING.  DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE, BUT AS i WAS AWAKENING FROM AN EARLY NAP, I WAS MOVING MY LEGS AROUND AND THE THOUGHT CAME TO ME ABOUT üNFINISHED bUSINESS"--- A GOOD TITLE FOR A BOOK; I HAVE UNFINISHED BUSINESS AND IT WILL REMAIN SO, WITH MY BEING CLUELESS, BUT THE VERY LAST OF UNFINISHED BUSINESS IN DYING. tHAT'S ALL TAKEN CARE OF EXCEPT FOR THE ACTUAL DYING.

I STILL HAVE DOCTOR TO SEE, A CLAIM TO SETTLE , A LESBIAN DAUGHTER WHO WON'T WRITE, BUT ALL OF THIS IS TUCKED AWAY IN MY HEAD WHEREBY IT IS AS IF IT ISN'T THERE, AND i WILL ONLY PULL IT OUT WHEN IT IS NECESSARY...................omg ...caps..I  didn't see them, got carried away. please read anyway I do make mistakes


So, I started to write Unfinished Business today and have single spaced onto page three. I think I need a proof reader, or co-writer to spruce me up, but still tell the truth, as I have always told MY truth and will definitely not embellish, expect i am not too good with adjectives.

Will someone accept a copy and tell me what you think---it is robotic, or what, yet I haven't really got into some things that really drove me mad or------maybe it will just be a 1 copy only for the Estate (daughter who will not write to me, and she will not be in it, other than an odd mention)---I think I want the robot to express herself--otherwise how did she get through all these messes without bitching and complaining? and everyone saying how wonderful I am!

Love
Izzy  :shock:

re the picture=--at least I am always sitting down, but many years ago, I always checked that view.
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"

Hopalong

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13621
Re: Good Lord! It's Izzy again! Unfinished Business!
« Reply #1 on: June 29, 2011, 10:34:09 PM »
Oh Izz, I DO think you are a wonderful human being, warts and all.

Your farting power is especially impressive. Robots can't pass half the gas, nor enjoy it.

I would take on with honor your memoir except I just can't.

Booked beyond my eyebrows and couldn't possibly advise/edit another writer...but I hope someone takes it on.

Tell your story anyway, hell with perfection.

xxoo
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Izzy_*now*

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1688
  • Beer is living proof that God loves us
Re: Good Lord! It's Izzy again! Unfinished Business!
« Reply #2 on: June 29, 2011, 11:10:37 PM »
Thanks Hops,

I know you are busy, and here I am with all the time in the world and no writing talent.

Well if anyone else replies, just tell me if my message sounds like a person or a robot!

thanks
 :arrow: :arrow:  anyone!!
Izzy
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"

sKePTiKal

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5441
Re: Good Lord! It's Izzy again! Unfinished Business!
« Reply #3 on: June 30, 2011, 10:49:31 AM »
Iz... I second Hops' suggestion to just write and tell your story - and let it come out, as it comes out. Robot or not. You might be surprised...

And my suggestion, is that you investigate publishing as an e-book. The other day, I was looking for something else to read and realized so many recent books have involved abuse of one form or another - but I'd never really searched for that term in the Amazon list (I read from a kindle now, with occasional hard copies tossed into the mix). What I like are the free books - and lo and behold - the one I downloaded was someone's "story" - like yours, mine & ours here. I don't believe length mattered to the author (it was very short) and she prefaced it with a rationale for leaving the grammar, spelling and typos... just the way they were.

I have no idea how she got published as an e-book... but I kinda suspect that Amazon might be a good place to start looking for info about that. Then, there's always Google... and the Gutenberg Project... and well, I think you're really on to something, here Iz. See where it leads...
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

Guest

  • Guest
Re: Good Lord! It's Izzy again! Unfinished Business!
« Reply #4 on: June 30, 2011, 02:05:37 PM »
or even write it in blog form, on one of those exceptionally long single pages that download several MBs in one go and prodcues a scroll bar about 2mm long. Really use-friendly - *not*!

I refuse to read those blogs. They're almost the equivalent of people who use up all the air in a room. Oh and I love 'em when they also contain about 50 high-res photos.

Izzy_*now*

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1688
  • Beer is living proof that God loves us
Re: Good Lord! It's Izzy again! Unfinished Business!
« Reply #5 on: June 30, 2011, 02:11:56 PM »
Thanks PR,

I'd thougt often about this but it seemed such a daunting task.

Then the idea struck me to write about now and all the rest of things, instead of being written about at length, will be mentioned on the sideline, as unfinished business, but need to be mentioned to cement the story in the "now"!

I'm no longer interested in detailing my childhood, my career, my daughter's life, my previous accident, my 4 years with an N, but in passing those topics cement the gaps--although each is likely a story on its own.

The e-book sounds great! I will investigate in time.

xx
Izzy

Oh hi Guest--

I was tryig to post and there you were. "Blog form". Is there a good way and a bad way? I really haven't read many blogs so wonder....aren't they just daily postings? like an ongoing diary?

xx
Izzy
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"

Guest

  • Guest
Re: Good Lord! It's Izzy again! Unfinished Business!
« Reply #6 on: June 30, 2011, 06:43:07 PM »
Hi Izzy
I think a blog is what you make it - diary/story/essays/musings...whatever you want? My annoyance is with blogs that are informative and written for an interested audience - but they hog your download (well, my dowload). I've never used/written one though so can't advise. Can't see me ever using one to be honest. What do I have to say that hasn't been said, and better said than I can say it? - is what I think. I enjoy barking at the neighbours too much.

Izzy_*now*

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1688
  • Beer is living proof that God loves us
Re: Good Lord! It's Izzy again! Unfinished Business!
« Reply #7 on: July 01, 2011, 09:37:40 AM »
Hi Guest,

I see I won't be a blogger.

I once read an ongoing story on line about a guy who was injured. His situation vacillated but all seemed to be going well enough. He included pictures and much to my surprise and sorrow for him, when I checked in one day, I read that both his feet had been removed.  (There's always someone worse off!)

I have the feeling that I am doing what I am doing to talk about the last stage of my life. Everything that has happened before is in the past and not worth rehashing. It will only mentioned as a reference to connect with the NOW, i.e. my accident in 1969/wheelchair will explain why I was in one when I was run over 2 + years ago, and maybe a few things  learned then that I could apply now that were better than what I was being told now.

When I finish (as in unfinished business) I will likely realize that I am writing about coping with the pain every day and learning the best way to deal with it. I expect some of my home grown jokes will be included

Anyone else who is mentioned briefly, or just once, or not at all will, in the end run, show me who is important at this stage of my life. I did realize at some point into this recovery that it was a completely different section of my life: the rest in history.

There might even be some bon mots of mine, as I mentioned to a therapist, that whatever happens I just carry on with what I have left. --and it gives me something to do, and who knows? When I proofread the finished product, I might just delete it!

xx
Izzy
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"

Hopalong

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13621
Re: Good Lord! It's Izzy again! Unfinished Business!
« Reply #8 on: July 01, 2011, 12:49:50 PM »
Hey Izz,
I personally think a blog is a brilliant idea for you.
Therapeutic for you and a lasting memoir or journal or diary that anyone can read...it will be out there...always...to inspire/entertain those who come across it.

You can Google "wordpress blog", look at www.salon.com and click on Open Salon.

Or Google "senior blog" "living with pain blog" and see what you find!

Go for it!
You are valuable and have meaningful things to say.

xo
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Izzy_*now*

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1688
  • Beer is living proof that God loves us
Re: Good Lord! It's Izzy again! Unfinished Business!
« Reply #9 on: July 06, 2011, 07:24:34 PM »
Hi Hops,
From what I understand about a blog is that it is an ongoing 'report' on whatever.

When it comes to me I am finished. It's done! This it it! No more news! Time to call it quits!

No fresh news from me, as it is just the same crap from the time the car hit me, Mar/09.

I realized that I'll have to give up my car, as I don't use it enough now to keep the battery charged. I can buy a battery chair for medium trips and use a taxi/van for longer trips. Meanwhile I am in my manual chair for my downtown trips.

This is why it's time to write about this last accident and how it brought my life to a halt!

I will always have Karla, but we missed 2 sessions because of some friends of hers, from Germany, coming and right now are off camping. The first stretch was with her husband Steve's N parents but at least now the camping is with normal people. Missed Friday and Monday and I pain without her therapy, so she is forever and the Insurance Co. better pay, and better pay the extra $5.00/hr...after that, it will be my giving her 'raises' .

My life is what I would call, for anyone else, empty....but I've learned how to live with that and care for myself, keep things in order and will be ready when the time comes to go........POOF!!

Know of any POOF! forums on the Net?

xxx
Izzy
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"

Hopalong

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13621
Re: Good Lord! It's Izzy again! Unfinished Business!
« Reply #10 on: July 06, 2011, 07:52:42 PM »
No "poofs" for you, Izz, but I CAN tell you that it's just fine to create a blog that's composed of memories, or looking back...

some of my favorite blog posts I've read have been people telling about past things, not "current reports".

As I understand it a blog is whatever you want to make it. Heck, you could cut and paste from VESMB for a lot of it, to get it going.

I am so very sorry about the pain.

Really hurts to think of it and I know missing a Karla visit is an acute hurt.

hug (gently),

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

sea storm

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 345
Re: Good Lord! It's Izzy again! Unfinished Business!
« Reply #11 on: July 06, 2011, 08:54:12 PM »
Izzy,

Write and write and write. That is the only way. All artists have to cope with this feeling of having nothing to say but they "open a vein" and write. Who said that it is easy? 

You have plenty to say. One exercise i did in Creative Writing class was to write for five minutes as fast as you can without critiqing yourself. No inner critic either. It is fun to let lose like this.  The next step was to pick out one line out of all the writing and write about that thing. You will get to know yourself and get out of mundane writing.
As for asking for someone to critique your writing..... you could be asking to be repressed. You don't need one word of criticism at this point. It is more pleasurable to explore and plumb the depths etc.

Seastorm

lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8639
Re: Good Lord! It's Izzy again! Unfinished Business!
« Reply #12 on: July 07, 2011, 10:59:58 AM »
I'm glad to see you're writing again, Izz.

I don't think anyone can imagine what your days and nights are like.

Reading it yourself, will be an amazing journey.

Just write,without caring about what comes out. 

Let what's there come, and worry about editing later.

(((())))

Light

sea storm

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 345
Re: Good Lord! It's Izzy again! Unfinished Business!
« Reply #13 on: July 07, 2011, 01:29:43 PM »
Izzy,

I thought about your wanting to write again.  I think it is good that you are connecting here. What you say is important and your feelings count.

Today I got up and the windi is blowing from the south bringing in dark clouds and the blackberries are so high I can't see the river. I don't care. This year I just want to eat blackberries and not get out there and chop them down like a wild bandshee with a machete.  That is my life or a bit of it.  What is your life like when you look around?   Talk about it. Isolation is dreadful.I know how it feels too.

Love,
Sea storm

Izzy_*now*

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1688
  • Beer is living proof that God loves us
Re: Good Lord! It's Izzy again! Unfinished Business!
« Reply #14 on: July 19, 2011, 04:19:34 AM »
hi sea strom,
How is  my life?.....well busy in its own way, to not have seen your relpy to me. I apologize!

Yes I want to write but I have  difficuty expressing myself the way I want to.......it's as though I am two different people.... but not if I can write everything at once,

Aye! There's the rub!

Isolation for me is the best way to live! Yep, Believe it or not, it is!

Now a tiny example is when my physical therapist was here one day, and I said I was going out with her, from my building, as she went to her car and I go downtown. I took off my shorts ( therapy wear) to put on my Capris, downtown wear, and my (bad) left toe caught my shorts and I was 'stuck'...it was rather embarrassing that I couldn't get my foot out of my shorts....as she was on her way home, and I was causing her to wait. She reached down and pulled my shorts off my foot, then I could put that leg into my Capris.

Now stop and think!!

That is an embarrassingly, helpless situation......but not with K, as she is my friend.... but if anyone else were watching? I'd die of embarrassment!

I am alone, and I can deal with it, yet there are certain things that are 'beyond' me! I am going to sell my car. It is 22 years old, in great condition and who would believe it. Who?

The N would believe it, so I sent him a message that I wanted to sell it, and that he was the only person I knew, who knew as much about cars as he does! Just tonight!

---and we haven't talked for 8-9 years, yet I know he knows....but will he find a way?  We shall see. It's 1:05 AM and he might not have the message until...???---- as I sent a message through his Facebook, as his phone #s don't connect.

Sometimes we have to back off a little bit, and if he helps me out here, it might be a sense of redemption on his part!  He IS good with cars and mine is a good one at 22 years old. (That's why I need a reference.)

(I applied to volunteer for the local Literacy Project, and, after 2 months, I don't have a reference and I think it is because of my disability. I swear I hate to say that, but absolutley no response.   Now if N responds,  who/which is better?)

(It seems I lost the tail end of my message, but you get the drift)
xx
Izzy
« Last Edit: July 19, 2011, 04:26:18 AM by Izzy_*now* »
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"