Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

NMom and Punishing God

<< < (3/4) > >>

river:
This is something I struggle with and I think requires its own post.  I've come to understand these things in a certain way, and my challenge is to share this understanding, which I really want to do, in such a way as the thing doesnt shoot off in all sorts of unintended directions. 
How it works, .... its a more subtle thing, they're not like your classic pd people.  Its a way of being in the world.  In this case a certain level of denial, an avoidance of just how nasty things are, like blanding over it all so that their socialist ideals still fit.  That way they dont have to self-activate and go through thte painful and troubling process of thinking things out and facing reality. 

How do you see it with your sister and bro in law? 

teartracks:


delete

sKePTiKal:
tt and river -

I can contribute to the discussion on borderlines, also. I believe it is the functional issue behind my concept of "MomBro" - which only exists because I stopped playing (most) of my assigned role in my mom's delusional reality. It is also the relationship style that she projected on me, and that I've spent so much time un-doing. And it figures prominently in the steps I took, when developing a life strategy of self-harm, as protection from the rageaholic. I'll probably explore a good bit of this on my self-harm thread, if you want to chat there.

The book "Walking on Eggshells" hit home with me on every single page, tt. There is another, referencing recovery for children of BPD parents, however I forget the name of it. I gave it to my D, to help her understand what I was trying to purge from my habits... and why. The difference between the real-self "me" that was emerging then and the "mom" she grew up with. There are many overlaps of symptoms of N and BPD; I don't think it's possible for us to accurately diagnose... but it's pretty clear that we can totally relate to a lot of the symptoms and behavioral abnormalities, you know?

Per the subject that sun started with: religion and God are frequent "tools" in the hands of PD persons... and when the tool is no longer useful or becomes inconvenient to their purposes, it's forgotten. If Sun's dad is that co-dependent, it's likely that his piety was for appearances, as well - to please the N in his life, get his "gold star", perhaps gain a little personal breathing room for a bit.

OnlyMe:
This thread caught my eye today.

My NFather was religious, had shelves of religious books, was active in the church ... but because he was always the one in control of everything, and I mean everything... he ordered God around, sometimes.  Long story really short, but posting just because it might be relevant and/or helpful :
Dad had health issues his entire life (terrible war wounds from D-Day/WWII) but kept himself in wonderful shape, always eating properly, exercising, avoided alcohol and tobacco... but when he had Prostate Cancer surgery, which he survived nicely, he needed a catheter, and because he was 94, we put him in a nursing home while he recovered, since there was only my elderly NMother at home to care for him.  (yes, both NF and NM - two NPs, and I an only child, sigh)

Well, this is where punishing God comes into the picture :
NF became angry at God, didn't like the situation he was in, prayed to God that he would die, and was furious with God when he opened his eyes in the morning and was still alive.  His prayers were not answered.  So, after a few weeks of these unanswered prayers, he took control of the situation, and basically killed himself.  He still need to controll ALL things.  So, he refused all liquids and foods until he died.  Unfortunately, he was a very healthy man, so it took almost two weeks for him to fade away.    

I was his only child.  I was not reason enough for him to live.
Dad, in a sense, punished God for not doing what Dad wanted him to do... so Dad did it himself.

This was in 2004, but the memory bubbled up when I saw this thread.  I have Faith, and yet I have found it hard to wrap my head around his passing away this way.  It is something no one ever talks about.  

There are so many things that we ACONs never talk about.

Thankful for this Board.

teartracks:




delete

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page