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Lupita:
I fell in the trap again. My friend M ridiculed me in my tango dance. I have invested so much in shoes, clothing, lessons, I enjoy tango, and it is not fair that I have to stop dancing because M decided to destroy me.

I told him that he had motor problems and that was  why we were failing in our dancing. He was so offended that he started doing something while dancing that I did not see and people laugh at me. I should have known .His kids hate their mother, and he did it.

Now he wants everybody to hate me. I think I lost my job because of him. I ended up in the hospital ofr one week with a debth of 20 thousanbd dollars and I strated to think that he poisoned me.

I made the decision to not to dance with him again in the rest of my life, I will not have anything to do with him, but why did he hate me?

It was not my fault that he has motor problems and cant lead well, he did not have ti destroy me because of that. Just like my mother.

I have a new job and need to focus on keeping this job and reestablish my self in the dance environment. It would be so sad not to dance again because of him.

I would like to know what is paranoia and what is caused by my thinking

Lupita:
cannot trust my perceptions, and dont know what is my mind and what is reality.

I know that M hates me and he wants to damage me. That I know for sure.

I need to get rid of my thoughts to be free.

Hopalong:
Hi ((((((((((Lupe))))))))

I'm sleepy so can't write much, but it's good to hear you.
I'm so sorry to hear you were in the hospital. My gosh.
You really thought he was poisoning you?
Did you have a medical or emotional problem?
Were you well cared for while you were there?

You do need your job, and your joy.

I bet you'd really benefit from a mediation group.
Quiet the dancer in your head so your body can dance without worry...

love,
Hops

Izzy_*now*:
Lupita,

Who suffers more than you?

You need some 'time off' from your life to get it under control--like "Stop the world, I want to get off!"  Then 'pretend' the whole world has stopped for you to think very seriously what has been happening to you; decide on a way to fix it, then hop back on and continue in better spirits and frame of mind of how you want to live, as the world keeps rolling.

M. is POISON to you, no matter whatever way you think of the word. NEVER see or talk to him again. You can continue to dance! Don't even worry about whether he hates you... that is in your mind only.... and it's because you have an obsession about M. Stop Obsessing! When the world has stopped and no one is watching you or poisoning you, make a list of the things you MUST do to get M out of your head. He is NOT in your heart...he hasn't been in a long while, but for some reason you think you care? or must care? or he must care for you? Not true!

You are poison to each other. You might or might not be paranoid, but either way he could still be out to get you!

Give him up completely--forget that he dances well--he doesn't if he is sabotaging you!!!!

I had a cute pair of white canvas shoes for summer wear. They were my favourites and I wore them only on my dressier occasions.  Well that stopped when there were no more dressy occasions, because N always took me to dusty places and I stopped wearing them to preserve them, and finally threw them out, well after I left him. They were of no more use to me as dressy shoes, as they were dirty and wouldn't come clean. My feet had 'spread' a bit anyway and they no longer fit.

Does that story make any sense to you? Whether I threw them out or left them in a back closet to collect dust, and I would think of them now and again, wonder if I could ever wear them again, they were still of no value/use to me.

Now that little shoe story explains very well how I am about my daughter. I haven't thrown her out, but she is back in a closet somewhere and I can think about her, but I know that we will not 'fit' anymore.....ever. Too much has changed. It's over.

Get over your ego and find something/where else to go/do!

I feel for you, Lupita. I feel for you, but I cannot find you. Can you find yourself?

Love
Izzy

lighter:
Hey Lupita:

Sorry you were ill, but I'm glad you're better and employed.

 I understand the compulsive worrying and wondering about reality.

At some point, maybe you accept that these things are a mystery you aren't responsible for.

Maybe you stand back and say......

"OK, M wants me destroyed or under his control.  I don't know why that's true, but it is, and I don't have to figure that out anymore."

Maybe you let it go, and turn to thoughts about just you, and what you might want, without M.

Maybe you stay with M, monitor what you say and do (so he's less upset) and continue walking on eggshells and compromising yourself.

Just remember, you don't have to figure it out, Lupe.

(((Big hugs for you)))

Lighter

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