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BonesMS:
I've been keeping quiet and doing a lot of thinking.  Like you, Lupita, I've dealt with an N very similar to the M you refer to.  From time to time, this N shows up like a (what's the polite word for it?  Fill in the blank with any adjective you prefer.)  Unfortunately, he's in my graduating class and during the most recent class reunion, he showed up!  I'll refer to him as the Sleazy Dweeb because even though he is now married, that didn't stop him from trying to get up in my grill and "undressing me with his eyes", which triggered multiple emotional reactions in me including an overwhelming temptation to punch his teeth down his throat KNOWING WHAT HE WAS DOING TO HIS WIFE as well as remembering what he did to me years ago!  Since I was acting as the D.J. for the Saturday night party, I found the following song in the computer and decided to play it AT the Sleazy Dweeb! I hope the lyrics help you as much as they helped me get through that awkward evening:

I WILL SURVIVE  (Sung by Gloria Gaynor)

First I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to carry on
and so you're back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed my stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me

Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive

It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
Now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person
still in love with you
and so you felt like dropping in
and just expect me to be free
now I'm saving all my loving
for someone who's loving me

Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive

I WILL SURVIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lighter:
::singing along... bouncing::

Uhhh, yes.

Love.

That.

Song.

Bones.

Hey Lupita:

What a powerful lesson..... conquering attachment.

Meditation, getting outside yourself sounds like relief and peace.

Tell me, hows the new job?

Is your son doing OK?

Are you still walking on the beach?

Lighter

Hopalong:
Don't know why it keeps vanishing but yes, Lup, I got your PM about the meditation place.
Thank you very much for it.

I think that group wouldn't be the place for me  -- but honestly, if one can participate and benefit from the meditation practice, and keep a boundary around the cultish aspects of it, it's probably a great resource.

I do wish there were simply "Relaxation Response" or nonreligious free meditation classes in communities.

Thank you very much,
Hops

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