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Forgiveness

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Nonameanymore:
Thanks Phoenix. Thanks for the long reply and input, I really appreciate it, as well as your point of view.

I do think people have her number and I am not in a place where I have to make excuses for her behaviour anymore - at least not like I used to when I was younger, when I felt like I had to make people see how she really is - to a layman, these issues are about me having to deal with what was done and still carrying these issues with me, which is not the case, because she keeps doing what she is doing.
 
That film school thing is a classic and I found she shot a movie about love that is on youtube - how ironic!
Yes, I could make a script or so but right now I feel that narcissism is so darn boring so I prefer to use other subjects.
 
Interestingly enough, I have an electronic copy of the book a Course in Miracles and somewhere it talks about things that can be taught and that pretty much everything can be taught except love - irrelevant or not, her last words just before I went NC, 16 years ago were 'I don't know how to love, I never loved you, it's your responsibility to learn how to love and teach me that' (how annoying that she believes that I can't love either). Anyway, maybe all this came up now because to be able to do theta healing work on others, I had/ve to work on myself first and I was able to clear a sexual abuse incident with her when I was 3 and I am so darn angry about this and so many other things.
 
The point is, I want to move on but she keeps doing things, in my face sort of thing, as to make sure that I will still spend time dealing with her, even in a negative way, instead of focusing on my own s**t, or life. Some people, including me in the past, are ok with having any type of attention, even if it's that of the negative kind...

I know this is going to sound weird, but since I have done this work and my intuition and 'clairvoyance' are kind of tuned (not the psychic kind of type but rather an awareness), I can almost sense her frustration of not being able to get to me like she used to. Very strange.

Maybe I just needed to vent - I feel much better today.

Nonameanymore:
Phoenix, I think you should write - there is a lovely and natural flow in your writing!

BonesMS:
Have I forgiven the NWomb-Donor?  In a word:  N-O!  I'm not there yet!  When I'm alone, I still have outbursts of cursing that Nb*tch, where-ever she may be rotting in HELL for what she did to ALL of us, not just me!  Nb*tch forcibly f*cked all of us, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, even pimping out others, for her own self-gratification and attempted to justify child-rape with the excuse:  "Well, all children are naturally whores so they deserve to be raped!"  She also KNOWINGLY aided and abetted in the victimization of other neighborhood children.  HOW DO YOU FORGIVE THAT?!?!?!?  :evil:

Nonameanymore:
Bones, I was secretly hoping for a reply from you - I love you!

Honestly, one of my goals re all the Nabuse is to be able to live with what happened (despite of it) but at the same time, just as my personal opinion is, to acknowledge what happened, not be in denial of it/them. This is my goal.
It's like, I don't want to be at a place where I constantly talk and deal with the abuse but not denying it either, but also not making it a habit to talk about it everyday. Hope this makes sense.
Kind of like 'Rania, you went through this, there is no denying it, good on you for making it this far with such a set of faulty tools, some of which were missing, but also, move on, create new things in your life, rather than trying to make something out of the past'. I don't think it works that way, unless of course I can use the past to be of service to someone in the future...
I would pay big bucks to be completely desensitized of any future NM annihilation attempts...

Hopalong:
Hountini,
As to auditing and clearing and alpha healing...
they will relieve you of so much money.

I respect people's free choices in spiritual matters, and I think you deserve
a spiritual community that exploits no one and bullies no one.

Are you deeply involved?

Hops

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