Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
the aftermath of no contact
fraidycat:
Thanks everyone, I agree with everything said. I know it wouldn't get through to them because the truth doesn't matter to any of them. Sometimes I wish I could tell them off to their faces anyway for my own sense justice and resolution. I know better though! A letter might help me get it out of my system...Thank you
sKePTiKal:
Hi 'fraidycat!
The one thing I would advise you to do, is to definitely purge those angry feelings - get it ALL out of your system, no matter how long it takes or how you choose to do it. Those are toxic-angry feelings... and like some disease... they could take down your mental/emotional "immune system". Writing is an excellent way to do this.... don't be afraid to repeat yourself in writing... what you write doesn't have to make a lick o' sense to anyone but you - say it any way it comes out... and you might be amazed at just what exact words do finally come out.
Another thing I liked, is to find a soundproofed room and bang out loud chords on a piano... make a BIG NOISE... until I was ready for some quiet.
Digging in the dirt, pulling weeds, cutting down trees (or pruning), moving rocks... anything that physically uses a lot of energy helped too - and if it helped clean or tidy up my own space - so much the better. Even "therapeutic" housework helps me get past those old angry feelings, when they come up.
fraidycat:
Your right! I guess I didn't realize that what I was feeling was anger and a lot of resentment. Purging those feelings in private instead of slinging them back is healthier and more productive...even if they do deserve it! There are so many great quotes in the heartfelt responses here, everyone has been so helpful! Thank you all.
Fraidy
finding peace:
Dear Kitten,
This is one of the most frustrating … banging the head against the wall …. feeling(s) … I have had that infuriated me prior to NC, and ultimately drove me to NC, and still infuriates me even though I went NC.
I WANTED/NEEDED to be heard…
Essence of voicelessness, eh?
What I wanted/needed to hear…“You are right … I was wrong to do what I did.”
It will never happen. And if it did happen, I wouldn’t trust it anyway …
If this happened, it would only occur because they wanted something from me.
I don’t know if your situation is the same…
I never, in their mind, will be “right” – for whatever reason in their mind, they need to be right, and in their mind, they need me to be “wrong.”
No grey areas where we might have both been wrong or right.
But, they don’t have the capacity to hear our needs … they are overwhelmed by what they need and can’t hear anything else.
Can’t fight it, all I can do is walk away.
To counter it, I take a look around at where I am in the here and now, and focus on the peace that has come from NC rather than the frustration I have had in the past at not being heard.
It isn’t always easy, but I remind myself – that was the past – I am no longer there - thank god!
Peace
fraidycat:
Amen, finding peace! Everything you've said resonates. I can't change them or the past but I can move on knowing that the worst is behind me. They will never be able to do that because they are stuck in there own selfishness.
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