Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Setting boundaries
Hopalong:
I think anybody, including me, would benefit from reading this...
That said, finding 2-D GROUP CLASSES or a WORKSHOP in the techniques is life changing...
http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=9778&cn=353
xo
Hops
Redhead Erin:
Do you know, I have not heard from her all week. See, she really has no use for me if I am off duty from my part-time job as her taxi driver. It's nice to know I cna do lessons with my kid tomorrow, go to work, and go to the gym, without worrying about who needs groceries or what is going to happen next.
As a side note, my last eating binge subsided about a day after I last saw her, and things have been smooth ever since (except for all that halloween candy lying around, just calling my name.)
Hopalong:
That's great, Erin, glad you're having a hiatus.
Halloween candy cannot live with me. Off to the food bank with it.
BTW, if you could possible find some Assertiveness Training in 3-D (I think I typed 2-D before somewhere) ... it's awesome to practice it. It's even FUN.
You are thus better prepared for future need....
xo
Hops
Redhead Erin:
I've done a lot of that kind of thing. taking THE CLASSES AND oops applying it in real life are somewhat different. I actually am very assertive in my ordinary and working life. It is only NM who throws me for a loop.
That is part of what drives me so crazy about being around her. Its as if, as soon as I get in her presence, 25 years of therapy and life experience just go right out the window and I am back to being her subservient little doormat.
sKePTiKal:
--- Quote ---It is only NM who throws me for a loop.
--- End quote ---
Well, then! I think you've just discovered what I call a "golden nugget" of self-knowledge. Pirate booty!
It might not apply to you... but, for me, the explanation of this was that there was the "real mom" - who she really is; and the "mom in my head" - what I expected (and really wanted) a mom to be like. Once I realized that "real mom" wasn't ever going to realize that I had needs or care about me and those needs... she sort of lost the aura of special mom-power that I wanted to assign to the mom in my head. She became just another person - albeit living in her own version of reality! - and I didn't have to keep up the act that we had some special mom-daughter relationship anymore. Including letting her affect me so much, emotionally... or driving me totally crazy.
It's not perfect; or absolute; she can still surprise me - blindside me if I forget to pay attention.
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