Slander... is defending your honor necessary?

[fraidycat]

 Years ago my nsister was taking jabs at me to make me look bad on FB (we have a lot of friends in common who saw her unfair remarks). I was afraid people might believe her but got sick of defending myself so I confronted her in private and asked her to stop. She insisted it was just a joke (she always used lol and lmbo after the remarks) and kept up with the insults and slander so I unfriended and blocked her. Now that she can't use my page to badmouth me she is reaching out to our mutual friends to bad mouth me on their pages. Most recently a friend posted about how special sisters are. My sister responded by saying "Unfortunately I have the worlds worst sisters" The mutual friend sympathised with her as did other friends, she told them that she had tried to talk it out with me but that just made it worse. Bullcrap! She's so twisted. One offered to be her surrogate sister! That made me so sick! I posted a great article about bullying and attention seeking that fit my sister to a tee on my page hoping they would see it. I'm wondering if it would be a good idea to private message these people and explain my reasons for not responding to her remarks, I hate that they might believe her. What do you think?

[fraidycat]

www.bullyonline.org/workbully/serial.htm

Interesting article...applies to cyber bulling too, especially the part about "attention seeker"

This is what I put on my wall, I didn't say why. I know it won't do any good to talk to nsister so I wont, but I wonder if bringing this to other peoples attention in private with an explanation in-case the didn't see it would help.

[Guest]

I'd only talk to those people who I wanted, and judged to be, very good friends of mine. And those friends wouldn't be encouraging the sister like that, so maybe i wouldn't need to talk to them.

As for making the others see your side, I'd forget it, otherwise you're drawing attention to yourself and making yourself available for counter-attacks from sister. It's all a game, and it's best not to play. Unfriend those who side with your sister or think it's 'funny'. They are not friends.

And I wouldn't send anything on a private message that you wouldn't mind the whole world seeing; because it's possible that someone somewhere will stick it on public view.

So no, don't defend your honour on facebook. Get rid of the two-timing so-called friends. Just my opinion.

[fraidycat]

Thanks Freshwater, We grew up in the same neighborhood as both girls and I think they were just being nice, I'm not sure if they believe her.  It came out of the blue for both of them they were talking about how much  they appreciated sisters (I was close friends with 2 of their sisters who aren't on FB and have become friends through FB with both of them and siblings from both familys. I want a connection) Both have been nice to me and everyone else. I don't think they would share a private message but I get what you saying. I hate being portrayed in such a negative way it's not fair to me. Most people don't like my sister they just tolerate her from what I can see.

[Hopalong]

Totally agree with every word FW wrote, Fraidy, just to add my 2 cents...

And, I'd suggest taking reflective inventory of how much of your time goes to FB and decide maybe to give more of that time to 3-D friends, even making new ones...

(I spend a lot of time here which could be similar but it feels valuable, always...still a FB holdout but I may cave eventually...)

xo
Hops

[fraidycat]

You know, you just helped me realize that I never spent much time on FB until I felt like I had to watch my back. Now I check all the time to see what angle she's going to shoot from next. It use to be fun getting to know people all over again and see what they've been up to and see pictures of them with their familys. I've been able to reconnect with people I have not seen in years and even meet up with quite a few in 3-D because of FB. I don't want to lose those chances, I enjoy that. I'm not sure if ignoring is good enough I've done that for years with my family and lost a lot. I see her game she's tearing away at my reputation to change peoples perseption of me & gain attention for herself. If I do react, it won't be soon but it will be discrete and fair. You've both given me a lot to think about.

Fraidy

[Guest]

Fraidy, discrete and fair is the way to go, if you're going there!

Re: facebook, when a prime minister does this: http://www.thejournal.ie/berlusconi-takes-to-facebook-to-deny-resignation-rumours-273437-Nov2011/
you know just how desperate a situation is. How bonkers is that?!!

[fraidycat]

Now that's desperate!... and cowardly. He has the means for all the media attention he wants but he chose a way to avoid it and just get his side in.
I have not reacted to my sisters remarks and I think its best to wait. If it gets worse I might have to stand up for myself...till then I will just ignore it.

[Redhead Erin]

The article about attention seeking was spot-on!  Thanks fo rreminding my my nm's behavior isn't "quirky" --it's SICK! I should start a file of such things so I can refer to it whenever I need to.

[Guest]

Fraidy

ignoring is good.

If it gets a lot worse, you could threaten, or start posting links about LEGAL ACTION. Eg: articles on 'when is gossip slander or libel in Law and how do I take it to court?'. I'm partly joking, but it depends how bad it could get?  Just saying that you are aware of the law is enough to stop some bullies (because they're too stoopid to look up the facts for themselves).

It's best not to play the game though. Better to find another game that you like

[fraidycat]

Erin I keep a file of articles and websites in favorites on msn. I set up folders (recipes, school, npd, community etc.) to make it easier to find things, I like to go back and reread when the time suits me. And your mom is definitely not just quirky!
 FW she knows I have two lawyers on my husbands side that would help me. After I broke off contact with nsister because of her malicious remarks she messaged me to let me know our nmom was slandering me, she was feigning concern and loyalty. I knew she was just trying to suck me back in, I didn't want to hear about it and warned her that if this turns into a law suit I can and will have her subpoenaed to court. That shut her up. When she makes liable remarks she adds lol, jk or lmbo etc... to protect herself from responsibility. I think I'll have to keep a record of this junk just in case.

Fraidy

[sKePTiKal]

Hi fraidy! I don't know whether what she's said constitutes libel or slander... legally... but it sure sounds like online harrassment! At the moment, I don't know how many states have laws about this kind of thing... but since it's a fairly common thing, many sites are taking steps to police this on their own, voluntarily. Why don't you report her to FB?

You might get a form-letter reply, but it puts you on the record with them in case things go downhill from here. Report every instance where you feel you're being targeted. Then, step back and let the "management" handle it.

I do have a few questions for you, tho. Do you really think people are going to buy her brand of BS and believe her? People that know you well? Does it matter if people you don't know well, buy into crazy-talk? Isn't it likely, that she'll "out" herself for the malicious wacko that she is... all by herself? And all you have to do, is resist the temptation to get angry, fight back and defend yourself against sheer made-up crap... because if you enter the "ring" and start to duke it out with her - online or legally or whatever... you only become part of the sick side-show drama, right?

Might be time to give yourself a break from subjecting yourself to FB & her "preferred" method of harassing you. For a few weeks.

[teartracks]

Fraidy,

There are Internet lawyers.  I expect Internet laws are being written moment to moment at this stage in cyber world.  I like PR's suggestion of going through the FB system before taking other steps.   Libel/slander are somewhat defined by whether there is malicious intent.  Your story sure sounds like there is malicious intent. 

I called down an accuser a few months ago by reminding her that what she had written in an email to me was a clear statement of intent to do bodily harm to me, to harm my property and my reputation. Guess what I got back in her email.  Sue me!  The nastiness stopped though.

tt

[fraidycat]

So do I tt, good idea Phoenix! I blocked her so its just by chance that I catch her in the act. She has made remarks to friends accusing me of terrorizing their siblings in my youth, saying my children don't feel loved, That I'm so selfish and self centered for not asking about her, then crying "I guess some people will never change" just to name a few of the offences that I've caught. It's all projection and lies. (if you knew me better you would laugh at this!)  She really revealed herself tonight and got a lot of people mad. She doesn't aim for her friends she pushes their friends buttons. I may not have to do anything just sit back and let her burst into flames. To answer another question it does bother me that people might listen to her crap but maybe thats my problem...something I need to work on. Nobody wants to be treated unfairly but I'm not going to react on FB. I'll just wait for her to reveal herself and document and report if I need to.
Thank you both!

Fraidy.

[fraidycat]

Some how I only saw half of your message tt. The n's in my family will back down too if the think they might be held responsible but it never stops them from getting the last word in! ;0) You were smart to get evedence even though you didn't have to use it, sometimes a threat is enough.