Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
The "Mama Never Told Me" Thread
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: PhoenixRising on November 24, 2011, 09:38:41 AM ---Bones & Boat...
THANKS for your comments on this. It's not just me, then, that's all tangled up in what I think, how I feel... etc crap. I've wanted to open up some on this topic for awhile... but still hesitating... feeling like a two-headed circus side-show freak about this topic. Yeah, me... Ms. Know-it-All...
Mama never told us that sex and flirting and being close to someone, was supposed to FEEL GOOD and be FUN. Add to that the risk and danger of trusting someone new, and even someone you know well (I'm thinking my hubs of 11 years now) and fold in some whipped-up to merangue freak-out thought-feeling patterns of enmeshed mamas... boundary confusioned parents of either gender who were possessive, controlling, tried to make us think we were "just like them"... or bad for being ourselves.... and god forbid, we dared to have our own feelings; and be accepted by someone OTHER than the queen-goddess-bitch herself (who, I'm 100% sure has a genuine HATE for men)...
... and seriously, it's no wonder I'm a ball of clustered - tangled - knotted, anxious about the whole thing, crazy lady. My hubs doesn't understand; and I can't find a way to talk to him about it - and that sucks, because we can talk about everything and anything. I haven't "scared him off"... or even pissed him off... he's stuck to me like glue... and that's deeply unsettling because of how my mom treated me. Rationally I understand: he's not her... despite a few things that he is that remind me of her. It just pushes some button that I haven't located & disabled yet, when it comes to him.
Maybe... just maybe... the underlying "issue" goes beyond the sex-topic. Maybe it's "play" itself... feeling good... deserving of and allowing oneself to have fun... feel good without the fear of something "bad" happening as a consequence of it. I think boundaries are big part of the fear... why we pull back, withdraw, "stop", or shutdown & avoid. Trust, too. I think the abject "failure" of the mother-child relationship stands like some monument warning us, warning our unconscious anxiety & terror about that ONE relationship that failed... that "it could happen again".
NOTE that this is what I see in myself; don't know 'bout y'all... but I have been trying to untangle this cluster for awhile now. Too long, really.
--- End quote ---
Thanks, P.R.
Trying to figure stuff out on my own, with a differently-wired brain, is VERY confusing!
Bones
Meh:
How about this: "Just stick your butt out and blow kisses to everyone"
I was looking on youtube for some sort of psychological study on flirting and body language etc.
I look up flirting and the results that come up are talking sexy, how to strip and how to fake sex. To me that isn't really flirting is it?
All seems rather contrived.
Just wondering.
I mean socially we went from reciting poetry and writing letters...to strip-aerobics at the local gym. I guess I'm sort of tired of the hyper erotic.
Does anyone else feel like your average woman is constantly auditioning for a porn job? Even at work...in front of the male boss.
When I think about this stuff it doesn't seem fun or playful to me, it seems like competitive porn auditions...
debkor:
I had a bunch of ceramic floor tiles left over....Wow makes some really great hot plates.
Hopalong:
--- Quote ---I'm sort of tired of the hyper erotic.
--- End quote ---
Oh me too, Boat, me too.
This culture's craziness in a nutshell...
Hops
teartracks:
--- Quote ---I had a bunch of ceramic floor tiles left over....Wow makes some really great hot plates.
--- End quote ---
Deb, I use tiles that way too. I put little 'feet' on the corners with my glue gun. It lifts them off the counter top and keeps them from slipping. The glue needs to cure for a day or so before using.
tt
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