Hello guys!! I joined this board in 2004. My relationship with my Nmom had hit critical mass and I was so thankful I found VESMB.
Now I want you to know that the separation and individuation thing can be done but it takes a whole lotta angst and a lot of blood, sweat and tears.
Through the struggles I finally can say no to my nmom. I don't jump when she calls. I don't give her details when I am doing things I know she won't like. I speak up.
I think I actually got through to her the other day. My loser cousin who mooches off her (she's got dough) was the topic of conversation. Rather than rail on her or him I have approached her from a different angle. I now am her "friend." I spend time with her and am nice to her. Now she will almost listen to me. This comes after years of yelling and screaming and crying and fighting and banging my head against the wall.
Part of our good relationship comes from me having cancer and us selling our business. We no longer have the business to argue over and if she can't be nice to me now, then she is a lost cause. Some say the only reason she is nice is because I might die. This is probably true but it feels good to have a descent relationship with her. I am trying to win her over with love.
